Yup I'm back from holidays. Yup, I survived *lol*. Having said that I'm VERY much looking forward to my massage and chiropractor appointments in 2 hours. GAWD my back is killing me! I *slept* in a recliner all week as the concrete slabs they called beds were NOT an option for getting more than 10 minutes of sleep! On the bright side my feet aren't too bad. I think not walking Koda for the week helped my muscles/fascia relax a bit. Oh sure, if I stand or shop for more than about 30 minutes they start to bark at me but I'm definitely on the mend. I'm positive today's appointments will help a lot.
So. I don't have a lot of time (or energy) for a major ramble today. I have SO much to do in the next week and a half. Aside from back-to-school prep I have some major projects on the go, classes and volunteer work to plan and on top of everything else my dad is in the hospital :(
While we were away (and off the grid with no cell service unless we went 20 minutes into town) dad was having heart problems. He's been there almost a week. His heartbeat and blood pressure are all over the place so he's there getting lots of tests done. My guess is he'll need a pacemaker but time will tell. So my time and energy revolves around taking the girls to visit him (they are quite distressed over the whole thing), checking on mom and so on.
Needless to say between holidays and stress my health living has taken a bit of a beating.
While away my eating was a total shit show. That's ok. I expected it. Maybe that's why I ate pretty much non-stop for 7 days. I had given myself permission to … and I took full advantage of it. I'm not upset about it. I enjoyed it for the most part. I know WHY I was doing it, really. Firstly it was because I really don't "do nothing" well. I always seem to need to do SOMETHING … so I ate. Most of the time it was M&M peanuts … or chips. Secondly it's because I don't smoke anymore. Holidays and relaxing have been a part of every holiday for 25 years, barring the last two years. I don't smoke anymore … so I substituted it with snacks. Again. All good. I would much rather have to deal with extra weight than lung cancer. Overeating isn't healthy but it's probably a little better than smoking - at least that's what I tell myself.
So we start again.
While away I tried to thin about moving forward and how that was going to look. Again - I'll save that ramble for another day but let's just say I need a bit of a new approach. My body is telling me that I NEED to lose some weight, My legs just don't have any strength to them lately and I know that's from the extra weight I've gained. It really is funny. This is by FAR the heaviest I've ever weighed … but, as I've said before, I'm really quite okay with it! That's HUGE for me!! I don't LOVE the way I look but I seem to have embraced my curves and I certainly don't HATE the way I look. I bought some great looking jeans on holidays and I was quite comfortable wearing a bathing suit that didn't hide my hips and thighs …
I weighed myself yesterday. 199.6 pounds. Sigh. Again - not too upset but I guess surprised - and disappointed. Not really going the right direction now, am I? Mentally I'm doing well (which was half the goal) but physically not-so-much.
Yesterday I made a HUGE vat of healthy, delicious borscht. Since we've gotten home I've eaten a little more reasonably so I'm feeling positive about that. I'm not going to commit to daily things this week - but I will commit to the week …
Just for this week I choose to …
- be very, VERY kind to myself
- no negative self talk
- do my best to make healthy choices
- healthy breakfasts, simple lunches, clean dinners
- TRY to have healthy snacks on hand for when I'm away from home
- TRY not to have processed food … but may allow myself a small popcorn if Alicia and I got to the movies
- TRY to drink a few litres of water a day
Next week I'll have my shit together a little better. The kids go back to school Thursday so within the next 2 weeks life will get back into a routine - I'll start exercising again and have more time to focus on healthy. Hopefully by then Dad's health will be sorted out and my stress levels will go down. Stress inhibits weight loss so I'll be keeping that in mind too. Gunna be a tough few weeks mentally but I will do my very best to do my very best … and if I stumble I will be kind and gentle with myself. Just a little blip in the plan.
K. Gotta run. I likely won't post every day over the next few weeks - but now that I'm thinking about you and will post when I can.
Miss you Girlfriend - TTYS
Tam
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