Heidi Ho, Girlfriend!
Thought I'd do a quid update since my anger issues seem to have passed *lol*. I know, I know - I'm kinda intense. Can't help it - part of my "go hard or go home / all-or-nothing" charm, right?
So the anger last week really seemed to catapult me into action. I've said before and I'll say it again "I'm all-or-nothing". The switch is either on or off - no in between with me. That's just how it has to be. I've tested the theory before and it just keeps coming back to "I can't just do a little bit". I'm not kidding when I say food is an addiction for me. It really is like alcohol to an alcoholic. I can resist the "naughty" foods … but if I have just a taste the damn breaks and it's a free for all. I simply can't allow myself the taste or nibble. Period. End of. I'm coming to terms with that … at least for now. Eating the bad tuff just can't be an option for me … so the switch is off.
"No sugar shall pass these lips".
It's been easy since my mind turned the switch off.
Went out for dinner Saturday night. Vietnamese food. Had planned ahead to have a healthy stir fry rather than my usual noodle bowl. Figured I could resist half the noodles. I was wrong. Now I'm fine that I ate everything on my plate - I had eaten ridiculously healthy all day knowing I was going out. Than in and of itself is a huge success for me. In the past I would have the "I'm going out tonight and will be "bad" so why be "good" the rest of the day? Might as well enjoy all day!" … which usually turns into all weekend … and all week … and all month … and all year! I ate the meal, I thoroughly enjoyed the meal and then it was over.
Funny .. when I was talking to "Betty", let's call her, about my new "I'm done and onto a new "just don't put it in your mouth"" mentality … she said "why would you start on a Thursday?? Why not wait until Monday? What's a few more days?"
THAT, my friend, is the enabling, negative, "you're going to fail anyway so why even try for two days" type of message that has kept me where I am for so very, very long.
Nope. It's like when you quit smoking. When you're done, you're done. You don't smoke for another few days until Monday. You just stop.
I've just stopped.
You know what I had for lunch yesterday? Fried spinach and onions. Seriously. Ya know what? It was de-fuckin-licious! I wished I had more! You know what else? The container of boiled spinach was in the fridge right beside the leftover boiled egg noodles. I love(d?) nothing better than leftover noodles fried in butter and garlic with seasoning salt on top. Didn't even think to grab it. Grabbed the spinach … and I think I liked it better.
No shit.
I have also started taking 2 tsp of apple cider vinegar (in 1 cup of water) about half hour before my meal, twice a day. I've read so much about the benefits thought I'd give it a whirl. Don't know if it's just my new attitude, the nice weather or the ACV but this morning I had a TONNE of energy! Haven't felt this good in donkey's years!
Know what else? Friday I did 5 squats. Just 5. Saturday I did 10. Today I did 10. Tomorrow I'll do what I can.
Fired up the Fitbit.
Walked 6,000 Saturday …8,800 so far today.
Doing what I can and will continue to get mentally and physically stronger every day.
This is my new normal.
I know I'm not suppose to be on electronics now but wanted to share.
The "Embrace" movie screening was awesome. I was surprised I didn't cry. Then I wasn't surprised I didn't cry. I think I "got it" 2 days before I saw the movie.
I love my body. I am more than my body. I am healthy and I am fine just the way (and size) I am. Yes, I am healthy … but I'm not always honouring my body as I should … so I'm going to from now on. A lovely result of that SHOULD be that some weight comes off. But if it doesn't, I'm ok with that. Truly I am.
I'm going to lead by example to my girls. I'm going to love myself and my body and not concern myself with what others may think or say about it. I THINK it has taken me this past year … or these past 49 years … to truly believe that people love me for who I am and they don't JUDGE me for gaining 60 pounds. Oh sure there ARE those people in the world who DO look at people and judge them for their size, shape, colour, religion, piercings, sexual orientation …. but none of MY friends are those people … so who the fuck cares? Just this past week it has occurred to me that THAT is the problem with my self image - THE FEAR OF JUDGEMENT! The fear of running into someone I haven't seen in a year and having them go hoe and say to their spouse "Hey! I ran into Tam today. Wow, I can't believe how much weight she's gained!" I have to let that go! I think I HAVE let that go now that I recognize the source of my stress over my weight. The judgement of others. How silly. How sad. Without sounding conceited I KNOW I'm awesome! I KNOW I'm kind, caring, empathetic, strong, supportive, generous, polite (well … aside from loving to swear and occasionally be fairly inappropriate!) … oh, and funny. I'm funny.
I have a beautiful back … and a smile that makes my husband weak in the knees.
I love my friends, my kids, my dog, my fingers … yes, I love my fingers. (OK - now I'm getting a little choked up here!)
I am soooo much more than my size.
I think, with 50 a mere 8.5 weeks away I may have reached the finish line. I may be up 6 pounds from when I started this blog … and this journey … but I think it's purpose has been fulfilled. I may have 6 more pounds of fat on my body but I honestly feel like I've lost 60 pounds of weight … and stress … and grief.
I feel lighter.
I feel happier.
I feel at peace with myself.
I'll check in again. Might be in 2 days .. might be in 8 weeks … might be in a year. Doesn't really matter now does it? I think I'll go for a bike ride now … even if it's Just For Today.
Love You Girlfriend. Thanks for listening. It's been very, VERY therapeutic.
xoxo Tam
Monday, May 8, 2017
Thursday, May 4, 2017
I'm mad as hell and I'm not gunna take it anymore!
Fuck!
Seriously!
I am mad as a wet hornet today!
I'm fed up!
I'm pissed off!
I'm DONE!
Why haven't I been posting lately? Because I've sucked! I've sucked HARD! I have been a total and utter shit show in the health department lately and although I kept TRYING to get back on track I haven't succeeded.
I've done a LOT of talking to myself.
I've done a LOT of thinking.
I've done a LOT of negative self talk … and my husband has had enough. I didn't even realize I was doing it … but I was … and he was sick of it. He got mad. He never gets mad … and it made me cry. Not because he was mean … because he was lovely. Because he was mad that I'm so mean to myself. Because he was mad that us women are so ridiculous. Because I didn't seem to understand that it doesn't matter. So I cried. I cried because I was sorry I was saying bad things about myself and that he felt he always had to defend me … defend me to ME! I cried because I hate the way I look but I'm doing the right things to change it. I cried because I was tired … and sick of this struggle. I'm tired of trying … but when I don't try things get even worse. I try to just eat like a "normal" person … but I don't …
I've been researching more plans. "Thrive", "Weight Watchers", "Jenny Craig", "Red Box" … and then I bitch slap myself.
Seriously!
ALMOST called Jenny Craig. Been on that one before and got down to about 155 pounds. It was easy.
Bitch slap!
WTF is WRONG with me??? WHY do I have to spend $150 a WEEK to eat what they tell me to eat? Why can't I just use the 20 fucking containers I have in the drawer … fill them with measured quinoa and healthy food and eat THAT??!!
ENOUGH!!!
This morning I looked up what I weighed when I started this blog. Around 193. The plan was 50 pounds in 50 weeks, yes? Ya. I weighed myself yesterday. I'm UP 6 pounds! For fuck SAKE Tamara! Seriously?? So for 41 weeks you've been on this journey … struggled, tried, fought, slipped, fought back …. and almost a whole year later your not just where you WERE but you're UP in weight! Oh. My. God!!!
I SAY AGAIN - ENOUGH!!!
Mark this date. This shit stops NOW! Like the title says - I'm mad as hell and I'm not gunna take it anymore! Enough with the excuses. Enough with the half-assed attempts and eating healthy. Enough of the bullshit. Enough of lying to myself. My summer clothes don't fit. Period. I have blow out the thighs of TWO pairs of jeans in the last 6 months. My bra is tight, my arms are fat, my knees hurt and I am DONE!
Starting TODAY it ends. No more sugar. No more white flour. No more shit. No kidding.
Moving more. Drinking more water. Eating more raw food. Eating less meat.
I am now walking the walk.
I am imagining I have magically been given a 140 pound, fit body. I am now going to live the lifestyle I need to live to MAINTAIN that 140 pound, fit body. That means NO MORE SITTING. That means no sedentary relaxing in the evenings. Summer is here. The bike is in the garage. How many times did I get on it last year? Zero. None. Zilch. I will now set business hours like a normal human being. I will NOT check my emails and Facebook in the evenings between 5:00 pm and 9:00 pm. I will be walking, biking, playing with the dog, enjoying the weather and getting a life! I will NOT be lie a mole in my cave wen I don't have to be.
My fitbit is charging as we speak.
Just stocked up on fresh fruit, veg, 0% Greek yoghurt, fish, nuts.
I have a friend I am "fitting" with - we are going to do 5 squats tomorrow. 5. That's all. But we're gunna do them. We're going to walk 5,000 steps … and we will go from there.
Done. DONE! FUCKING DONE!
Watch this space. When I get mad things happen … and I'm mad as hell.
Seriously!
I am mad as a wet hornet today!
I'm fed up!
I'm pissed off!
I'm DONE!
Why haven't I been posting lately? Because I've sucked! I've sucked HARD! I have been a total and utter shit show in the health department lately and although I kept TRYING to get back on track I haven't succeeded.
I've done a LOT of talking to myself.
I've done a LOT of thinking.
I've done a LOT of negative self talk … and my husband has had enough. I didn't even realize I was doing it … but I was … and he was sick of it. He got mad. He never gets mad … and it made me cry. Not because he was mean … because he was lovely. Because he was mad that I'm so mean to myself. Because he was mad that us women are so ridiculous. Because I didn't seem to understand that it doesn't matter. So I cried. I cried because I was sorry I was saying bad things about myself and that he felt he always had to defend me … defend me to ME! I cried because I hate the way I look but I'm doing the right things to change it. I cried because I was tired … and sick of this struggle. I'm tired of trying … but when I don't try things get even worse. I try to just eat like a "normal" person … but I don't …
I've been researching more plans. "Thrive", "Weight Watchers", "Jenny Craig", "Red Box" … and then I bitch slap myself.
Seriously!
ALMOST called Jenny Craig. Been on that one before and got down to about 155 pounds. It was easy.
Bitch slap!
WTF is WRONG with me??? WHY do I have to spend $150 a WEEK to eat what they tell me to eat? Why can't I just use the 20 fucking containers I have in the drawer … fill them with measured quinoa and healthy food and eat THAT??!!
ENOUGH!!!
This morning I looked up what I weighed when I started this blog. Around 193. The plan was 50 pounds in 50 weeks, yes? Ya. I weighed myself yesterday. I'm UP 6 pounds! For fuck SAKE Tamara! Seriously?? So for 41 weeks you've been on this journey … struggled, tried, fought, slipped, fought back …. and almost a whole year later your not just where you WERE but you're UP in weight! Oh. My. God!!!
I SAY AGAIN - ENOUGH!!!
Mark this date. This shit stops NOW! Like the title says - I'm mad as hell and I'm not gunna take it anymore! Enough with the excuses. Enough with the half-assed attempts and eating healthy. Enough of the bullshit. Enough of lying to myself. My summer clothes don't fit. Period. I have blow out the thighs of TWO pairs of jeans in the last 6 months. My bra is tight, my arms are fat, my knees hurt and I am DONE!
Starting TODAY it ends. No more sugar. No more white flour. No more shit. No kidding.
Moving more. Drinking more water. Eating more raw food. Eating less meat.
I am now walking the walk.
I am imagining I have magically been given a 140 pound, fit body. I am now going to live the lifestyle I need to live to MAINTAIN that 140 pound, fit body. That means NO MORE SITTING. That means no sedentary relaxing in the evenings. Summer is here. The bike is in the garage. How many times did I get on it last year? Zero. None. Zilch. I will now set business hours like a normal human being. I will NOT check my emails and Facebook in the evenings between 5:00 pm and 9:00 pm. I will be walking, biking, playing with the dog, enjoying the weather and getting a life! I will NOT be lie a mole in my cave wen I don't have to be.
My fitbit is charging as we speak.
Just stocked up on fresh fruit, veg, 0% Greek yoghurt, fish, nuts.
I have a friend I am "fitting" with - we are going to do 5 squats tomorrow. 5. That's all. But we're gunna do them. We're going to walk 5,000 steps … and we will go from there.
Done. DONE! FUCKING DONE!
Watch this space. When I get mad things happen … and I'm mad as hell.
Friday, March 31, 2017
14 weeks ….
Heidi Ho Girlfriend!
Did you think I left the country without a forwarding address? Ya, sorry 'bout that! Been THINKING about posting for AGES but just never got around to it. I seem to have a cap on how much I can do in a week … and posting always hit the bottom of the pile. If you've been following my stamping life you know I've been REALLY working my business and trying to build my team. It has been paying off and the ladies on my team are on FIRE … which just motivates and inspires me more …
I wanted to post about a month ago just to touch base with my latest "project". When Ash Wednesday hit I decided I needed a new challenge. What did I give up for Lent? Meat! yup - thought I'd give going vegetarian a shot. Why not? Gotta mix it up and try new things, right? It really wasn't as tough as I thought it would be. I was excited about the possibility of shifting a few pounds and eating even more clean than I had been. The really funny thing about it was the reaction of my family (and my mother). They all rolled their eyes with the "oh boy - here we go again" look … and pointed out that I'm not even Catholic so what the heck? hee hee. Just part of my crazy!
So I did pretty well … I guess … we'll just fast forward a month and say ya, I'm back on meat hee hee. Craig was thrilled when he was barbecuing on Saturday and I announced, "ya, I'll have a hamburger too". He greeted me with "Yay! Welcome back! We missed you!". *lol*. I DID go meat free Monday to Saturday every week, having some Chicken on Sundays … and then a burger last week. Having said that I still want to be "mainly veg" (Craig asked if that's like being a little bit pregnant) … I want to eat less meat. I realize, in hindsight, that I eat WAY too much meat, justifying it by saying it's protein. Ya … but how many calories are in the sauce … or the skin … or the fat …
I love legumes and fresh o roasted veg. It really is primarily the inconvenience of prepping all MY food and then cooking separate meals for "them" and "me". Oh sure, the kids will eat SOME clean stuff but they aren't into the beans, tofu, hemp hearts etc and other healthy proteins that would keep them growing and healthy.
So - experiment over on the 100% vegetarian gig … did I lose weight. No. I know I did eat more calories than before, with more avocados, nuts etc … and I *may* have accidentally eaten a Costco sized bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans .. and maybe some Eggies easter eggs … but I digress …
I looked at the calendar and see I am now only 14 weeks away from my 50th birthday … and I'm really no closer to my goal that I set 40 weeks ago. By now I had planned to be down a good 30 pounds! Am I disappointed. Well - yes and no. I really do think I've come a very long way this year. I've let go of the guilt. If I want to eat a bag of jelly beans I will. I recognize, for whatever reason, I want it … or need it, so I have it … and then I move on. Do I understand it? Sometimes. Do I like it? No. But do I waste a minute beating myself up of it? No. I don't. I seriously don't. It is what it is. I'm 49 years old. I realize I've been fighting myself and being down on myself hard-core for 15 years … and about 10 years of light beating myself up before that. I'm tired. I've realized life is SO short. I won't spend any more time with my weight/shape/size as my main "project" any more. I don't like looking back on the last 10 years and wondering if I was happy during that time. It just doesn't matter. I'm done with the guilt.
Will I keep trying to do better? Absolutely! I have learned if I take my eye off the ball I just swing the other way hard and fast.
I know my limitations. If I want to eat clean and healthy I can't have the crap around. Plain and simple. Just like an alcoholic can't have a bottle around I can't have Girl Guide cookies in the house. No big deal! Who needs that shit anyway???
SO what's the plan moving forward?
Right now I'm just watching what I put in my mouth. I try to have a shake for breakfast, a healthy lunch and lots of veg with dinner. This week is hard. The kids are on spring break. I struggle with "treats" when they are home. That's ok. It's just one week. If I gain a pound this week it will come off next week.
Spring is here. I realize I'm walking faster on my walks and look forward to moving my body. My feet problems are still there but stretching helps and it doesn't keep me from doing things (I just suffer a bit afterwards!). As happens every Spring the girls and I are looking forward to biking … and I plan to get a new one that is more upright so my back and neck can handle it better.
It's all about those little changes. Moving more, eating less meat, enjoying clean food. I'm getting there.
Will I be at 140 pounds in 14 weeks. Nope. Am I ok with that. Yup. It's all good.
I'm off to have a mandarin - yummy new bag from Costco - then my morning walk.
Hope you're well Girlfriend - TTYS xo
Tam
Did you think I left the country without a forwarding address? Ya, sorry 'bout that! Been THINKING about posting for AGES but just never got around to it. I seem to have a cap on how much I can do in a week … and posting always hit the bottom of the pile. If you've been following my stamping life you know I've been REALLY working my business and trying to build my team. It has been paying off and the ladies on my team are on FIRE … which just motivates and inspires me more …
I wanted to post about a month ago just to touch base with my latest "project". When Ash Wednesday hit I decided I needed a new challenge. What did I give up for Lent? Meat! yup - thought I'd give going vegetarian a shot. Why not? Gotta mix it up and try new things, right? It really wasn't as tough as I thought it would be. I was excited about the possibility of shifting a few pounds and eating even more clean than I had been. The really funny thing about it was the reaction of my family (and my mother). They all rolled their eyes with the "oh boy - here we go again" look … and pointed out that I'm not even Catholic so what the heck? hee hee. Just part of my crazy!
So I did pretty well … I guess … we'll just fast forward a month and say ya, I'm back on meat hee hee. Craig was thrilled when he was barbecuing on Saturday and I announced, "ya, I'll have a hamburger too". He greeted me with "Yay! Welcome back! We missed you!". *lol*. I DID go meat free Monday to Saturday every week, having some Chicken on Sundays … and then a burger last week. Having said that I still want to be "mainly veg" (Craig asked if that's like being a little bit pregnant) … I want to eat less meat. I realize, in hindsight, that I eat WAY too much meat, justifying it by saying it's protein. Ya … but how many calories are in the sauce … or the skin … or the fat …
I love legumes and fresh o roasted veg. It really is primarily the inconvenience of prepping all MY food and then cooking separate meals for "them" and "me". Oh sure, the kids will eat SOME clean stuff but they aren't into the beans, tofu, hemp hearts etc and other healthy proteins that would keep them growing and healthy.
So - experiment over on the 100% vegetarian gig … did I lose weight. No. I know I did eat more calories than before, with more avocados, nuts etc … and I *may* have accidentally eaten a Costco sized bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans .. and maybe some Eggies easter eggs … but I digress …
I looked at the calendar and see I am now only 14 weeks away from my 50th birthday … and I'm really no closer to my goal that I set 40 weeks ago. By now I had planned to be down a good 30 pounds! Am I disappointed. Well - yes and no. I really do think I've come a very long way this year. I've let go of the guilt. If I want to eat a bag of jelly beans I will. I recognize, for whatever reason, I want it … or need it, so I have it … and then I move on. Do I understand it? Sometimes. Do I like it? No. But do I waste a minute beating myself up of it? No. I don't. I seriously don't. It is what it is. I'm 49 years old. I realize I've been fighting myself and being down on myself hard-core for 15 years … and about 10 years of light beating myself up before that. I'm tired. I've realized life is SO short. I won't spend any more time with my weight/shape/size as my main "project" any more. I don't like looking back on the last 10 years and wondering if I was happy during that time. It just doesn't matter. I'm done with the guilt.
Will I keep trying to do better? Absolutely! I have learned if I take my eye off the ball I just swing the other way hard and fast.
I know my limitations. If I want to eat clean and healthy I can't have the crap around. Plain and simple. Just like an alcoholic can't have a bottle around I can't have Girl Guide cookies in the house. No big deal! Who needs that shit anyway???
SO what's the plan moving forward?
Right now I'm just watching what I put in my mouth. I try to have a shake for breakfast, a healthy lunch and lots of veg with dinner. This week is hard. The kids are on spring break. I struggle with "treats" when they are home. That's ok. It's just one week. If I gain a pound this week it will come off next week.
Spring is here. I realize I'm walking faster on my walks and look forward to moving my body. My feet problems are still there but stretching helps and it doesn't keep me from doing things (I just suffer a bit afterwards!). As happens every Spring the girls and I are looking forward to biking … and I plan to get a new one that is more upright so my back and neck can handle it better.
It's all about those little changes. Moving more, eating less meat, enjoying clean food. I'm getting there.
Will I be at 140 pounds in 14 weeks. Nope. Am I ok with that. Yup. It's all good.
I'm off to have a mandarin - yummy new bag from Costco - then my morning walk.
Hope you're well Girlfriend - TTYS xo
Tam
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Ya Baby!
Heidi Ho Girlfriend!
Just a quick one - Koda is sitting here with his head on my leg saying "come ON Mom! Time to walk!"
Just a quick update to let you know I DID IT!!! I did my 2-day cleanse for … well … two days! Was it say - fairly! The last time I tried the 2-day gig I made it until about dinner time on day 2 when I HAD to have two call cucumbers. I was very very ANGRY … this time, no sweat! I didn't hate the products as much as in the past. I think I was just damned determined to do it so I sucked it up, dug deep and took it as mind over matter. I really wasn't all that hungry! I was SUPER busy those two days and that helped immensely. It was actually a relief not to have to stop what I was doing to eat!
So …. the numbers are in!
I started the cleanse at 194.8. After the cleanse was 190.2. Argh! SOOOO close to cracking the 190 mark! Oh well, 4.6 for the two days was great. This morning I was 190.8 so net loss of 4 pounds. I'll keep that off if I can behave this weekend. Craig is off for 4 days starting tomorrow and I always struggle when my people are around but I'm going to try REALLY hard! I DO feel so "clean" inside - I don't want screw that up. Too much work to get there!
Feb 1 I started the onto at 197.6. Now 190.8. Down 6.8 pounds in 2 weeks. I'll take it!
I am SO determined to crack that 190 mark! It helps that the weather is so nice - walked longer than usual yesterday and will again today.
Super happy and feeling super great. I must say my foggy brain was GONE during the cleanse and I am now a firm believer in occasional fasting (done right!).
Gunna ride the wave while I can!
Stay tuned … better things to come I'm SURE!
Love you Girlfriend. TTYS!
xo
Just a quick one - Koda is sitting here with his head on my leg saying "come ON Mom! Time to walk!"
Just a quick update to let you know I DID IT!!! I did my 2-day cleanse for … well … two days! Was it say - fairly! The last time I tried the 2-day gig I made it until about dinner time on day 2 when I HAD to have two call cucumbers. I was very very ANGRY … this time, no sweat! I didn't hate the products as much as in the past. I think I was just damned determined to do it so I sucked it up, dug deep and took it as mind over matter. I really wasn't all that hungry! I was SUPER busy those two days and that helped immensely. It was actually a relief not to have to stop what I was doing to eat!
So …. the numbers are in!
I started the cleanse at 194.8. After the cleanse was 190.2. Argh! SOOOO close to cracking the 190 mark! Oh well, 4.6 for the two days was great. This morning I was 190.8 so net loss of 4 pounds. I'll keep that off if I can behave this weekend. Craig is off for 4 days starting tomorrow and I always struggle when my people are around but I'm going to try REALLY hard! I DO feel so "clean" inside - I don't want screw that up. Too much work to get there!
Feb 1 I started the onto at 197.6. Now 190.8. Down 6.8 pounds in 2 weeks. I'll take it!
I am SO determined to crack that 190 mark! It helps that the weather is so nice - walked longer than usual yesterday and will again today.
Super happy and feeling super great. I must say my foggy brain was GONE during the cleanse and I am now a firm believer in occasional fasting (done right!).
Gunna ride the wave while I can!
Stay tuned … better things to come I'm SURE!
Love you Girlfriend. TTYS!
xo
Monday, February 13, 2017
Found My Groove
Hey Girlfriend!
Been thinking about you this week - thought I'd check in. I can't believe it's been a month since I posted!
Not tooooo much is different but thought I'd update you.
I seem to have come out of my mini-depression/funk that I've been in. Maybe it's because January is now over, maybe because I seem to like my reflection a bit more now that I have a new hair-do and less-goth-like hair colour. Dunno but glad to see the back of it!
I've worked hard the last few weeks to get back on track mentally with the healthy living thing. I've been THINKING about exercising *lol*. Seriously! I wanted to exercise last week by my back was very VERY angry. I never know if I'm listening to my body or making excuses but thought I wouldn't risk injury so I just stuck to walking Koda. I've been motivated by the girls. I TRY to enforce "no-electronic-Sunday" so we can all actually interact as a family. Doesn't always work and the girls know that I will let them play on the Wii if it's an activity game. Last Sunday they did the Let's Dance game … the whole thing! They had so much fun they did it again Monday … and Tuesday … and Wednesday we went out and they bought the 2017 version and did THAT! I asked if I could join in this week. It's not a hard core workout but I have to start somewhere, right? Yesterday I did two songs with them. Got my heart up a little. It's mostly arm movements, which was fine with me as I need to be careful with my back and feet. (Fuck I'm not digging this getting old bull shit!). I COULD have done more but thought I'd just stop at two … and then do three today and so on. After the dancing I took Doodles out for a walk. It was such a lovely day and although Craig has already walked him (I had my stamping gig all morning) I realized I WANTED to get out and move. It felt great physically AND mentally!
Last week I also worked hard to use the Isagenix products for breakfast AND lunch. Not for a calorie thing but for the detox/cleanse thing. My goal was to have the 2-shake-day" plan for 5 days in a row, then do a cleanse. I ended up doing it for 7 days (but kind of "blew it" a bit Tuesday). It went really well. I wasn't perfect but I did have 2-shake days, calories were about 1,400 a day and ate 90% clean. I shifted almost 2 pounds.
This morning I'm up early early early. Didn't sleep a wink. Had to take Dad in to get a pacemaker this morning. Don't know if that was keeping me up or the almost-full-moon. Craig didn't sleep either. Dunno. Regardless, Wanda convinced me today was the PERFET day to do my cleanse as I'm in and out all day today between dropping Dad off, taking the kids to school volunteering AT school, attending assembly to hear Alicia read, picking up Dad, picking up the kids, walking the dog …. and on and on and on. So …. today is cleanse day. Naturally every other day of the week I can go until about 10 without eating. This morning I'm starving *lol*. Typical!
Weighed myself for a starting point. 194.8. Pretty happy with that! I've seriously been able to maintain for months now - just digging a little deeper for the next week to shift 5-10 pounds and keep it off. Baby steps, baby goals and small lifestyle changes.
I'm feeling pretty good in all ways. Feeling lighter, sleeping better (barring last night) and generally "lighter" physically and mentally. Think I've turned a corner and heading on the right path again.
Send a few prayers out for Dad for me. It's only a 20 minute procedure and I'm not too worried but still … good vibes, love and prayers never hurt, right?
Love you girlfriend - talk soon
xoxo
Tam
Been thinking about you this week - thought I'd check in. I can't believe it's been a month since I posted!
Not tooooo much is different but thought I'd update you.
I seem to have come out of my mini-depression/funk that I've been in. Maybe it's because January is now over, maybe because I seem to like my reflection a bit more now that I have a new hair-do and less-goth-like hair colour. Dunno but glad to see the back of it!
I've worked hard the last few weeks to get back on track mentally with the healthy living thing. I've been THINKING about exercising *lol*. Seriously! I wanted to exercise last week by my back was very VERY angry. I never know if I'm listening to my body or making excuses but thought I wouldn't risk injury so I just stuck to walking Koda. I've been motivated by the girls. I TRY to enforce "no-electronic-Sunday" so we can all actually interact as a family. Doesn't always work and the girls know that I will let them play on the Wii if it's an activity game. Last Sunday they did the Let's Dance game … the whole thing! They had so much fun they did it again Monday … and Tuesday … and Wednesday we went out and they bought the 2017 version and did THAT! I asked if I could join in this week. It's not a hard core workout but I have to start somewhere, right? Yesterday I did two songs with them. Got my heart up a little. It's mostly arm movements, which was fine with me as I need to be careful with my back and feet. (Fuck I'm not digging this getting old bull shit!). I COULD have done more but thought I'd just stop at two … and then do three today and so on. After the dancing I took Doodles out for a walk. It was such a lovely day and although Craig has already walked him (I had my stamping gig all morning) I realized I WANTED to get out and move. It felt great physically AND mentally!
Last week I also worked hard to use the Isagenix products for breakfast AND lunch. Not for a calorie thing but for the detox/cleanse thing. My goal was to have the 2-shake-day" plan for 5 days in a row, then do a cleanse. I ended up doing it for 7 days (but kind of "blew it" a bit Tuesday). It went really well. I wasn't perfect but I did have 2-shake days, calories were about 1,400 a day and ate 90% clean. I shifted almost 2 pounds.
This morning I'm up early early early. Didn't sleep a wink. Had to take Dad in to get a pacemaker this morning. Don't know if that was keeping me up or the almost-full-moon. Craig didn't sleep either. Dunno. Regardless, Wanda convinced me today was the PERFET day to do my cleanse as I'm in and out all day today between dropping Dad off, taking the kids to school volunteering AT school, attending assembly to hear Alicia read, picking up Dad, picking up the kids, walking the dog …. and on and on and on. So …. today is cleanse day. Naturally every other day of the week I can go until about 10 without eating. This morning I'm starving *lol*. Typical!
Weighed myself for a starting point. 194.8. Pretty happy with that! I've seriously been able to maintain for months now - just digging a little deeper for the next week to shift 5-10 pounds and keep it off. Baby steps, baby goals and small lifestyle changes.
I'm feeling pretty good in all ways. Feeling lighter, sleeping better (barring last night) and generally "lighter" physically and mentally. Think I've turned a corner and heading on the right path again.
Send a few prayers out for Dad for me. It's only a 20 minute procedure and I'm not too worried but still … good vibes, love and prayers never hurt, right?
Love you girlfriend - talk soon
xoxo
Tam
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Half Way There!
Hey Girlfriend!
Just a quick one as I'm running out the door in 10 to do some stampin' (woo hoo!)
Just glanced at the calendar and see I wrote (1/2 way to 50). Fuck. *lol*
How do I feel about that? Not so great, gotta tell ya!
I've been going through some sort of mid-life crisis this month. I imagine part of it is hormones as I limp ever-closer to that wonderful new stage of life called menopause (fuck again,) More than that, though, I've been REALLY struggling with this "50" number! I'm truly shocked that it's weighing on me!!! I have NEVER been a number girl in that regard. I think having kids so late in life and having the maturity led of a 16 year old has always sheltered me from being in my late 40's mentally. Well! This 50 just seems to be sinking in! If I'm 50 then I MUST be an adult. I MUST be old enough to be a wife. I MUST be old enough / mature enough (?) to be a mother. A MOTHER!! Fuck! I'm responsible to keep two humans alive … and have them grow up not to be assholes! What????
I'm not even kidding you. It all of a sudden has hit me that I'm and adult. And a mother. It has taken 13+ years but it's finally it me. And it scares the shit out of me!
So! How's it going half way to 50? Thinking I now need therapy *lol*
In the other regard I have to say I'm pretty happy with where I am. No, I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be weight wise but I REALLY think this year is more mental than physical.
Case in point. Yesterday I was surrounded by fresh, warm pastries that my neighbour brought over. Ya, I decided to have one and ya, I enjoyed it. No, I didn't beat myself up. Win! I DID slide a little more by having an unhealthy dinner of hamburger/Kraft Dinner casserole with the family. Guilt? No. Win! Did I feel like crap all night? Sure did. Gotta keep remembering that BEFORE I eat it. So today I got up and am starving. SO didn't want a shake. ALMOST went to the "oh well - it's the weekend. Likely eating out tonight with the family, wasn't great yesterday so why waste $4 on a shake for breakfast" mentality.
Bitch slapped myself.
Ate a banana, a hardboiled egg and a protein shake.
How'm I coin half way to 50?
Very well, thank you. I've got this.
Gott run - TTYS xo
Tam
Just a quick one as I'm running out the door in 10 to do some stampin' (woo hoo!)
Just glanced at the calendar and see I wrote (1/2 way to 50). Fuck. *lol*
How do I feel about that? Not so great, gotta tell ya!
I've been going through some sort of mid-life crisis this month. I imagine part of it is hormones as I limp ever-closer to that wonderful new stage of life called menopause (fuck again,) More than that, though, I've been REALLY struggling with this "50" number! I'm truly shocked that it's weighing on me!!! I have NEVER been a number girl in that regard. I think having kids so late in life and having the maturity led of a 16 year old has always sheltered me from being in my late 40's mentally. Well! This 50 just seems to be sinking in! If I'm 50 then I MUST be an adult. I MUST be old enough to be a wife. I MUST be old enough / mature enough (?) to be a mother. A MOTHER!! Fuck! I'm responsible to keep two humans alive … and have them grow up not to be assholes! What????
I'm not even kidding you. It all of a sudden has hit me that I'm and adult. And a mother. It has taken 13+ years but it's finally it me. And it scares the shit out of me!
So! How's it going half way to 50? Thinking I now need therapy *lol*
In the other regard I have to say I'm pretty happy with where I am. No, I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be weight wise but I REALLY think this year is more mental than physical.
Case in point. Yesterday I was surrounded by fresh, warm pastries that my neighbour brought over. Ya, I decided to have one and ya, I enjoyed it. No, I didn't beat myself up. Win! I DID slide a little more by having an unhealthy dinner of hamburger/Kraft Dinner casserole with the family. Guilt? No. Win! Did I feel like crap all night? Sure did. Gotta keep remembering that BEFORE I eat it. So today I got up and am starving. SO didn't want a shake. ALMOST went to the "oh well - it's the weekend. Likely eating out tonight with the family, wasn't great yesterday so why waste $4 on a shake for breakfast" mentality.
Bitch slapped myself.
Ate a banana, a hardboiled egg and a protein shake.
How'm I coin half way to 50?
Very well, thank you. I've got this.
Gott run - TTYS xo
Tam
Thursday, January 5, 2017
It Wasn't That Bad ….
Hey Girlfriend …
Just a quick one to say "Ya know …. my perception really is usually much worse than my reality". I PERCEIVED I was totally "blowing it" with my eating over the holidays but the reality is that it / I wan't all that bad!
Tuesday I had to put on my jeans. You know, to actually LEAVE the house. I was kinda mortified at the thought, assuming I'd have to leave them unzipped and wear a long, frumpy sweater to hide my knickers. I was pleasantly surprised that I got them done up … and that, after wearing them for an hour, hadn't passed out due to lack of blood flow to any part of my body! Sure they were snug, but I could go out in public.
Tuesday I got "back on track" and am thrilled at how much better I feel already. Not bloated or stuffed.
Yesterday the girls and I had our volunteer session at the Humane Society. Again, not thrilled I needed to be presentable for HOURS but had to wear the jeans. I was THRILLED that they weren't nearly as binding! I wore them from 8:00 am until 5:00 pm before throwing on my "comfort wear".
Weighed myself today (just to get an idea of where I am and where I want to be) … 194.8. Hm. Not too bad! Only 2-3 pounds from where I was. MUCH better than the 198.6 I was just a few days ago. Just goes to show that most of the gain is water and the tight clothes re due to bloating.
Feeling better and more motivated by the day. Came VERY close to stumbling a few times yesterday but dug deep, focused on my "why?" and closed the fridge door.
One day at a time ….
Have a great one! TTYS
xox Tam
Just a quick one to say "Ya know …. my perception really is usually much worse than my reality". I PERCEIVED I was totally "blowing it" with my eating over the holidays but the reality is that it / I wan't all that bad!
Tuesday I had to put on my jeans. You know, to actually LEAVE the house. I was kinda mortified at the thought, assuming I'd have to leave them unzipped and wear a long, frumpy sweater to hide my knickers. I was pleasantly surprised that I got them done up … and that, after wearing them for an hour, hadn't passed out due to lack of blood flow to any part of my body! Sure they were snug, but I could go out in public.
Tuesday I got "back on track" and am thrilled at how much better I feel already. Not bloated or stuffed.
Yesterday the girls and I had our volunteer session at the Humane Society. Again, not thrilled I needed to be presentable for HOURS but had to wear the jeans. I was THRILLED that they weren't nearly as binding! I wore them from 8:00 am until 5:00 pm before throwing on my "comfort wear".
Weighed myself today (just to get an idea of where I am and where I want to be) … 194.8. Hm. Not too bad! Only 2-3 pounds from where I was. MUCH better than the 198.6 I was just a few days ago. Just goes to show that most of the gain is water and the tight clothes re due to bloating.
Feeling better and more motivated by the day. Came VERY close to stumbling a few times yesterday but dug deep, focused on my "why?" and closed the fridge door.
One day at a time ….
Have a great one! TTYS
xox Tam
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Plan.
Hey Girlfriend!
Happy New Year :)
I wasn't planning on posting for a few weeks but figured I could use a bit of a chat. I've had a tough week so thought I'd share. Can't just share the successes and good-stuff, right? That's not reality - at least not for me. This is a journey and sure, Ill have "off days/weeks". It's all about learning from them, dusting myself off and carrying on,.
I REALLY struggled with healthy choices the last few weeks. I was stress/comfort eating. I KNEW I was doing it. I new it would hurt me mentally yet I continued to do it. I won't go into all the fine details of it. Suffice it to say that when you become a mom "they" tell you "it's all worth it" and "the good outweighs the bad". They DON'T tell you how many times you will cry yourself to sleep with heartache. The times you so desperately want to help your babies and take away THEIR heartache, stress, anxiety, pain … but you can't. All you can do is be there for them, listen to them, hold them while they cry. (Damn. Now I'm welling up again! Thought I was "better". Ugh!)
Of course with Christmas treats all over the house it was hard to eat clean. It was the worst about 2 weeks ago - butter tarts, baklava, cookies, fudge. I binged a few days but have slowly managed to cut back more and more each day.
I've also struggled with the lack or routine. Craig was off all last week. The kids have been sleeping in VERY late - heck, most days we don't see Alicia until after 12:00 … a few times it has been closer to 1:00! That throws SUCH a wrench into my day. I don't walk the dog as early, I don't make noise - I just sit … and waste time … which sets the tone for the whole day.
I've done a lot of work mentally the last few days but it has been tough. I honestly haven't liked what I see in the mirror. I'm TRYING to be kind to myself and I'm not beating myself up or anything I just simply don't like what I see. I'm not talking about the size of my thighs (although I did go shopping last week and really do need to step up the exercise gig!) No, what I'm talking about is the whole package. I see a middle aged woman. I see my lines deepening, my skin getting duller, my hair getting more grey. I'm getting older. That's not news to me. The problem is that, until recently, I've never SEEN that I'm getting older. I feel like I've been sneak-attacked and BAM - THERE she is! THERE is the "older" me. I'm REALLY struggling with it. My reflection just doesn't match my self image in my head. In my head I'm still so young! I'm not even in my 30's mentally - I'm still in me TEENS! I still think and act like a kid most of the time and every now and then I look up and am surprised to realize that I AM old enough to be a wife and mother. It really is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I'M responsible for keeping two small humans ALIVE, let alone raising them to be decent human beings! When did I get "old"??
This misalignment of what I feel vs what I see seems to have brought me down. Add to that VERY little sleep lately (thank you change-of life … yet another affirmation that I'm not as young as I think I am!) and you have a recipe for emotional eating.
Now. Enough of the pity party. It is what it is. Eating my body weight in chocolate macaroons s only going to ADD to the problem. I know that. Every day I start anew. Every day I START the day motivated and planning to eat healthy. EVERY day I have a protein shake. Every day I do well … until about 11:24 *lol*. With the family home I haven;t been able to resist sitting with them and eating at lunch time. That's not bad … and generally speaking I have a healthy lunch … but it just seems to open to the door a wee crack to things sliding from there … and they did. Come dinner I would over eat. Again, it wasn't so much BAD food, just too much. I would recognize that I was eating too much and that would bring me down .. and the door would open wider. That would lead to evening binging. Popcorn, chips with dip, cookies. Any and/or all of it. I would go to bed sad and disappointed that I wasn't "stronger" and felt I had failed. Again.
Geez - depressed yet? *lol*. I'm bringing MYSELF down this morning! Man!
Now don't be messaging me telling me not to bet myself up. I'm NOT beating myself up. I'm just being raw and honest. I accept myself the way I am I just don't LIKE it! Does that make sense?
I'e been slowly clawing my way back to healthy choices, stumbling a BIT the last few days but getting better EVERY day. Last night I went to bed and, for the first time in about 3 weeks, I felt good about my choices and my stomach felt light, not bloated and, when I was laying down, "in". It felt great. Im hoping to build on that GOOD feeling and have a stronger, healthier day today. It will help that Craig is back at work. I had to get up at 6:15 am as I'm watching my neighbours boy this week. It's only for half an hour (7:00 - 7:30 am) but it was good in that it got me up, showered, dressed (in JEANS not Sweetlegs!) and ready to start my day. I'm off to a great start already.
So! The title of my post is "plan". As you may have seen on my Facebook page, I have a "word" every year. One word. That one word helps me focus my time, priorities and actions throughout the year. Well, that's the idea, anyway. Past years I have had "enjoy", "grow", "breathe". This year I have changed it about 5 times already *lol*. I started with "less". Work LESS, stress LESS, eat LESS, procrastinate LESS. I realized quite quickly, though, that LESS seemed like dry negative word and it wasn't working for me. I bounced around a few others - simplify, focus, relax, moderation. I finally settled on one that is already working well for me. PLAN. I think last year I really floundered a lot. I didn't have a clear focus of what I was doing or why. I wasted a LOT of time. I wandered from room to room but didn't rely DO anything. My word was "breathe" and I was trying to be relaxed and "go with the flow" but now, in hindsight, it really didn't work for me. PLAN is more of an action word for me - something I can sink my teeth into. Something I can DO.
Yesterday I started to plan my meals for the week. I didn't nail down meals for the family yet but I did prep some healthy food for myself. I made a pot of quinoa, which I will have one hand for dinner every night. I cookers some spaghettis squash and roasted some broccoli and parsnips. I PLAN to have chicken or fish every night this week and I PLAN to do a cleanse next week. I PLAN to do some light exercise this week, being VERY careful not to overdo it as my back is pretty inflamed right now.
I glanced at the calendar. Next week I'm half way through the year to 50 years old. I'm 26 weeks in and nowhere NEAR where I wanted to be weight wise at this point. I think that's good. I think one year was too far ahead to see what I needed to do. With 26 weeks ahead I can break things down into smaller pieces with a better PLAN to get there. I PLAN to now focus on one week at a time and yes, I think I WILL start weighing myself every week. My focus is changing from healthy eating to losing weight. Hopefully it won't fuck with my brain too much to focus on the number again but I think I need that accountability and measure to see that I'm on track. "Going with the flow" isn't how I roll. I need a strong plan with measurable results. I think. lmao - wow - I think I'm a bit of a hot mess this morning! hee hee - sometimes I just have to shake my head at myself and laugh. Over-think things much?
OK - I'm getting sick of my own rambling now and my fingers are getting sore so I'll sign off. The PLAN is to have a shake for breakfast and protein bar for lunch every day this week. Snacks are oranges and cucumbers and a reasonable dinners without overeating. As I keep telling myself the last few days "It's ok to be a little hungry!". I'm off to buy groceries shortly. Only healthy options will be bought (I have successfully purged the house of al temptation - Craig took the last of the treats to work today and the fridge is BARE!)
I hope you had a great holiday rest. I'm loping forward to a successful year - and to seeing you soon.
Thanks for listening - love you Girlfriend!
Tam
Happy New Year :)
I wasn't planning on posting for a few weeks but figured I could use a bit of a chat. I've had a tough week so thought I'd share. Can't just share the successes and good-stuff, right? That's not reality - at least not for me. This is a journey and sure, Ill have "off days/weeks". It's all about learning from them, dusting myself off and carrying on,.
I REALLY struggled with healthy choices the last few weeks. I was stress/comfort eating. I KNEW I was doing it. I new it would hurt me mentally yet I continued to do it. I won't go into all the fine details of it. Suffice it to say that when you become a mom "they" tell you "it's all worth it" and "the good outweighs the bad". They DON'T tell you how many times you will cry yourself to sleep with heartache. The times you so desperately want to help your babies and take away THEIR heartache, stress, anxiety, pain … but you can't. All you can do is be there for them, listen to them, hold them while they cry. (Damn. Now I'm welling up again! Thought I was "better". Ugh!)
Of course with Christmas treats all over the house it was hard to eat clean. It was the worst about 2 weeks ago - butter tarts, baklava, cookies, fudge. I binged a few days but have slowly managed to cut back more and more each day.
I've also struggled with the lack or routine. Craig was off all last week. The kids have been sleeping in VERY late - heck, most days we don't see Alicia until after 12:00 … a few times it has been closer to 1:00! That throws SUCH a wrench into my day. I don't walk the dog as early, I don't make noise - I just sit … and waste time … which sets the tone for the whole day.
I've done a lot of work mentally the last few days but it has been tough. I honestly haven't liked what I see in the mirror. I'm TRYING to be kind to myself and I'm not beating myself up or anything I just simply don't like what I see. I'm not talking about the size of my thighs (although I did go shopping last week and really do need to step up the exercise gig!) No, what I'm talking about is the whole package. I see a middle aged woman. I see my lines deepening, my skin getting duller, my hair getting more grey. I'm getting older. That's not news to me. The problem is that, until recently, I've never SEEN that I'm getting older. I feel like I've been sneak-attacked and BAM - THERE she is! THERE is the "older" me. I'm REALLY struggling with it. My reflection just doesn't match my self image in my head. In my head I'm still so young! I'm not even in my 30's mentally - I'm still in me TEENS! I still think and act like a kid most of the time and every now and then I look up and am surprised to realize that I AM old enough to be a wife and mother. It really is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I'M responsible for keeping two small humans ALIVE, let alone raising them to be decent human beings! When did I get "old"??
This misalignment of what I feel vs what I see seems to have brought me down. Add to that VERY little sleep lately (thank you change-of life … yet another affirmation that I'm not as young as I think I am!) and you have a recipe for emotional eating.
Now. Enough of the pity party. It is what it is. Eating my body weight in chocolate macaroons s only going to ADD to the problem. I know that. Every day I start anew. Every day I START the day motivated and planning to eat healthy. EVERY day I have a protein shake. Every day I do well … until about 11:24 *lol*. With the family home I haven;t been able to resist sitting with them and eating at lunch time. That's not bad … and generally speaking I have a healthy lunch … but it just seems to open to the door a wee crack to things sliding from there … and they did. Come dinner I would over eat. Again, it wasn't so much BAD food, just too much. I would recognize that I was eating too much and that would bring me down .. and the door would open wider. That would lead to evening binging. Popcorn, chips with dip, cookies. Any and/or all of it. I would go to bed sad and disappointed that I wasn't "stronger" and felt I had failed. Again.
Geez - depressed yet? *lol*. I'm bringing MYSELF down this morning! Man!
Now don't be messaging me telling me not to bet myself up. I'm NOT beating myself up. I'm just being raw and honest. I accept myself the way I am I just don't LIKE it! Does that make sense?
I'e been slowly clawing my way back to healthy choices, stumbling a BIT the last few days but getting better EVERY day. Last night I went to bed and, for the first time in about 3 weeks, I felt good about my choices and my stomach felt light, not bloated and, when I was laying down, "in". It felt great. Im hoping to build on that GOOD feeling and have a stronger, healthier day today. It will help that Craig is back at work. I had to get up at 6:15 am as I'm watching my neighbours boy this week. It's only for half an hour (7:00 - 7:30 am) but it was good in that it got me up, showered, dressed (in JEANS not Sweetlegs!) and ready to start my day. I'm off to a great start already.
So! The title of my post is "plan". As you may have seen on my Facebook page, I have a "word" every year. One word. That one word helps me focus my time, priorities and actions throughout the year. Well, that's the idea, anyway. Past years I have had "enjoy", "grow", "breathe". This year I have changed it about 5 times already *lol*. I started with "less". Work LESS, stress LESS, eat LESS, procrastinate LESS. I realized quite quickly, though, that LESS seemed like dry negative word and it wasn't working for me. I bounced around a few others - simplify, focus, relax, moderation. I finally settled on one that is already working well for me. PLAN. I think last year I really floundered a lot. I didn't have a clear focus of what I was doing or why. I wasted a LOT of time. I wandered from room to room but didn't rely DO anything. My word was "breathe" and I was trying to be relaxed and "go with the flow" but now, in hindsight, it really didn't work for me. PLAN is more of an action word for me - something I can sink my teeth into. Something I can DO.
Yesterday I started to plan my meals for the week. I didn't nail down meals for the family yet but I did prep some healthy food for myself. I made a pot of quinoa, which I will have one hand for dinner every night. I cookers some spaghettis squash and roasted some broccoli and parsnips. I PLAN to have chicken or fish every night this week and I PLAN to do a cleanse next week. I PLAN to do some light exercise this week, being VERY careful not to overdo it as my back is pretty inflamed right now.
I glanced at the calendar. Next week I'm half way through the year to 50 years old. I'm 26 weeks in and nowhere NEAR where I wanted to be weight wise at this point. I think that's good. I think one year was too far ahead to see what I needed to do. With 26 weeks ahead I can break things down into smaller pieces with a better PLAN to get there. I PLAN to now focus on one week at a time and yes, I think I WILL start weighing myself every week. My focus is changing from healthy eating to losing weight. Hopefully it won't fuck with my brain too much to focus on the number again but I think I need that accountability and measure to see that I'm on track. "Going with the flow" isn't how I roll. I need a strong plan with measurable results. I think. lmao - wow - I think I'm a bit of a hot mess this morning! hee hee - sometimes I just have to shake my head at myself and laugh. Over-think things much?
OK - I'm getting sick of my own rambling now and my fingers are getting sore so I'll sign off. The PLAN is to have a shake for breakfast and protein bar for lunch every day this week. Snacks are oranges and cucumbers and a reasonable dinners without overeating. As I keep telling myself the last few days "It's ok to be a little hungry!". I'm off to buy groceries shortly. Only healthy options will be bought (I have successfully purged the house of al temptation - Craig took the last of the treats to work today and the fridge is BARE!)
I hope you had a great holiday rest. I'm loping forward to a successful year - and to seeing you soon.
Thanks for listening - love you Girlfriend!
Tam
Thursday, December 29, 2016
It's a New Day
Hey Girlfriend!
Happy Between-Christmas-and-New-Year!
I COULD ramble on and on and on … but I'm not gunna. Not very chatty these days (I know - NOT my norm! *lol*).
Let's just draw a line under the last two weeks.
Let's just recognize that Christmas is Christmas and (thank God) it's only once a year.
Let's just say I thoroughly enjoyed my butter tarts … and cookies … and fudge … and Craig's baklava … and chocolates … and egg nog … and bacon.
Let's just say I'm THRILLED that I no longer beat myself up over the not-so-good choices. Those were yesterday, those are over.
Let's just say Today is a New Day.
I had a bit of a pity party yesterday. Lack of sleep and achy body had me in a FOWL mood. This morning I bitch slapped myself. I made the choices. The unhealthy choices. Did I relaly expect good results from bad decisions? Did I really expect to maintain when eating my bodyweight in butter and fat? Did I really expect my jeans to fit the same as they did 2 weeks ago.
Seriously.
It's a New Day.
I got some good sleep. I DECIDED to get a grip. I DECIDED to have a better attitude and I DECIDED to do better.
In 3 weeks I'm going to Toronto for a conference.
This morning my jeans are cutting off the circulation to my belly button.
This morning I weighed myself.
This morning I was 198.6 pounds.
This morning I'm starting anew.
This morning I am not just going with "Just for Today I Choose" as my mantra. This morning I am going with "Just for this HOUR I choose".
3 weeks.
Watch this space.
Have an inspired day My Friend.
I'll touch base in 2 weeks.
Tam
Happy Between-Christmas-and-New-Year!
I COULD ramble on and on and on … but I'm not gunna. Not very chatty these days (I know - NOT my norm! *lol*).
Let's just draw a line under the last two weeks.
Let's just recognize that Christmas is Christmas and (thank God) it's only once a year.
Let's just say I thoroughly enjoyed my butter tarts … and cookies … and fudge … and Craig's baklava … and chocolates … and egg nog … and bacon.
Let's just say I'm THRILLED that I no longer beat myself up over the not-so-good choices. Those were yesterday, those are over.
Let's just say Today is a New Day.
I had a bit of a pity party yesterday. Lack of sleep and achy body had me in a FOWL mood. This morning I bitch slapped myself. I made the choices. The unhealthy choices. Did I relaly expect good results from bad decisions? Did I really expect to maintain when eating my bodyweight in butter and fat? Did I really expect my jeans to fit the same as they did 2 weeks ago.
Seriously.
It's a New Day.
I got some good sleep. I DECIDED to get a grip. I DECIDED to have a better attitude and I DECIDED to do better.
In 3 weeks I'm going to Toronto for a conference.
This morning my jeans are cutting off the circulation to my belly button.
This morning I weighed myself.
This morning I was 198.6 pounds.
This morning I'm starting anew.
This morning I am not just going with "Just for Today I Choose" as my mantra. This morning I am going with "Just for this HOUR I choose".
3 weeks.
Watch this space.
Have an inspired day My Friend.
I'll touch base in 2 weeks.
Tam
Friday, December 16, 2016
Tis the Season ...
Hey Girlfriend!
Almost read for Christmas? I am and I'm not. All the shopping had been done since Dec 1 but I can't start the wrapping until I get those 90 Christmas cards in the mail! I'm done about 60 of them. I'll get the rest done this morning so I can move on!
Now. Let's get real. Healthy Living? Ya no. Quite the shit show going on this week, I have to admit! I KNEW it was a mistake to do all that yummy baking with the girls last weekend. Ugh. I THOUGHT I could do it. I THOUGHT I could have cookies, marshmallow logs and butter tarts in the house and resist. I was wrong. WTF is WRONG with me???? I DO find the psychology of it all very interesting. I start the day off right. Every. Single. Morning. I have a nutritious shake. I am proud of myself and have grand visions of working out, eating right and staying in control. I actually DID work out twice this week. Monday and Tuesday. Lunch rolls around. I have a healthy one. Then, around 3:00 the kids are home. Two day in a row they didn't eat their marshmallow rolls … so I did. Then dinner happens. I eat my dinner … too MUCH dinner … then I have a butter tart … and maybe a cookie. Well … why stop now? Might as well have a handful of M&M's. Did someone say popcorn? I'm in!
Sigh.
Yesterday I was better. Had a wee chat with myself. Do NOT wanna gain back the 10 I lost this year so I reeled it in. I was still far from perfect. I still overate at dinner but I resisted all the baking. "Just for Today", I kept telling myself. Around 8:00 I was trolling through the pantry for something yummy. I had an Isagenix chocolate instead of the butter tart. Just for today.
Today I feel stronger, knowing I made better choices yesterday. Again, the psychology interests me. When the downward slide starts it picks up momentum and I (use to) slide for a week … or a month. Now I recognize the slide and CHOOSE to stop it. Sure, it took me two days to stop it but it's better than a week or a month. Once I start the UPWARD slide (by that I don't mean a tedious uphill climb but rather a positive slide) it TOO gains momentum. Yesterday was tough but I was strong … and today I feel stronger. SO much of success is in our self-talk and attitude. I have been a little harder on myself this week when I look in the mirror. I'm very wide! That is the truth … but I recognize it as fact .. then say something nice to myself about my curves … realize thousands of women would love to have these curves!
So today … just for today … I'm going to do my best. I'm going to try to avoid the treats and drink my water. I'm going to try to make healthy choices … but I'm also going to enjoy the season without the guilt. I do plan to have popcorn with a movie tonight with the family. I do plan to have some "naughty food" at the Open House we're going to on Sunday. But I also plan to be kind to myself. I plan to plan moderation … and I plan to maintain. i'm not chucking in the towel and I WILL do better in the new year. Until then I plan to enjoy and give myself a break.
I hope you are enjoying the run up to Christmas! It only happens once a year (I'm a little glad about that *lol*) Stay warm, Girlfriend and I'll ttys xoxo
Tam
Almost read for Christmas? I am and I'm not. All the shopping had been done since Dec 1 but I can't start the wrapping until I get those 90 Christmas cards in the mail! I'm done about 60 of them. I'll get the rest done this morning so I can move on!
Now. Let's get real. Healthy Living? Ya no. Quite the shit show going on this week, I have to admit! I KNEW it was a mistake to do all that yummy baking with the girls last weekend. Ugh. I THOUGHT I could do it. I THOUGHT I could have cookies, marshmallow logs and butter tarts in the house and resist. I was wrong. WTF is WRONG with me???? I DO find the psychology of it all very interesting. I start the day off right. Every. Single. Morning. I have a nutritious shake. I am proud of myself and have grand visions of working out, eating right and staying in control. I actually DID work out twice this week. Monday and Tuesday. Lunch rolls around. I have a healthy one. Then, around 3:00 the kids are home. Two day in a row they didn't eat their marshmallow rolls … so I did. Then dinner happens. I eat my dinner … too MUCH dinner … then I have a butter tart … and maybe a cookie. Well … why stop now? Might as well have a handful of M&M's. Did someone say popcorn? I'm in!
Sigh.
Yesterday I was better. Had a wee chat with myself. Do NOT wanna gain back the 10 I lost this year so I reeled it in. I was still far from perfect. I still overate at dinner but I resisted all the baking. "Just for Today", I kept telling myself. Around 8:00 I was trolling through the pantry for something yummy. I had an Isagenix chocolate instead of the butter tart. Just for today.
Today I feel stronger, knowing I made better choices yesterday. Again, the psychology interests me. When the downward slide starts it picks up momentum and I (use to) slide for a week … or a month. Now I recognize the slide and CHOOSE to stop it. Sure, it took me two days to stop it but it's better than a week or a month. Once I start the UPWARD slide (by that I don't mean a tedious uphill climb but rather a positive slide) it TOO gains momentum. Yesterday was tough but I was strong … and today I feel stronger. SO much of success is in our self-talk and attitude. I have been a little harder on myself this week when I look in the mirror. I'm very wide! That is the truth … but I recognize it as fact .. then say something nice to myself about my curves … realize thousands of women would love to have these curves!
So today … just for today … I'm going to do my best. I'm going to try to avoid the treats and drink my water. I'm going to try to make healthy choices … but I'm also going to enjoy the season without the guilt. I do plan to have popcorn with a movie tonight with the family. I do plan to have some "naughty food" at the Open House we're going to on Sunday. But I also plan to be kind to myself. I plan to plan moderation … and I plan to maintain. i'm not chucking in the towel and I WILL do better in the new year. Until then I plan to enjoy and give myself a break.
I hope you are enjoying the run up to Christmas! It only happens once a year (I'm a little glad about that *lol*) Stay warm, Girlfriend and I'll ttys xoxo
Tam
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Just Keep Swimming ...
Hey Girlfriend!
Figured it was high time I posted! … plus I'm procrastinating on what I SHOULD be doing, which is prepping for my kid's class in a few hours. Meh. It'll get done!
So! How am I doing? Pretty good, I'd say. Did I hit my goal of 187 by Dec 1st? Nope. Not even close. Weighed myself this morning. 192.8. Am I happy? Yup. Very! Why? A few reasons. The main one is that I'm MAINTAINING! Why I'm happy about THAT is because I've been slipping a bit - at least in my mind. By maintaining it's allowing me to let go of the beating-myself-up-for-having-a-cookie mentality I've had for so many years. I'm allowing myself the odd nibble or treat here and there. I'm VERY proud that I have a LITTLE. Not 5 cookies (which happened in the past more than I would like to admit!) but ONE cookie. Or ONE chocolate .. controlled. I enjoy and then move on. Every morning I have a "new" day clean piece of paper. I almost always have my shake for breakfast. If I'm home I have a healthy lunch - if not a protein bar. I'm slipping on my pre-dinner snacking (eating the kids' lunch leftovers .. which really is gross, when I think about it …) and I overeat at dinner. I eat my HEALTHY dinner … but can't seem to resist the kids uneaten food. Again - gross. On the bright side, despite me eating too much it is still much less than in the past. Where I get disappointed in myself is that the kids' food isn't the healthy choice. Better for me to eat more quinoa than the kids' breaded chicken strip. Again - not disastrous and at least I recognize the error of my ways *lol*. I know, a gal can't live on kale and quinoa alone … but there is not good reason for me to be eating what I am. I'm not hungry and, truth be told, it usually isn't even that tasty! I do like the clean foods! Heck, yesterday I made fried zucchini in some olive oil with Craig's home-grow garlic, salt and pepper. Had two eggs to go with it. De-LICIOUS! It's odd that I'm "good" when I'm alone but "Naughty" when the family is around. I'm sure a psychologist would have a few thoughts on THAT! *lol*
So! What's the plan for December? Well - there will definitely be a few "cheats". Going for lunch next week with friends, movie ad drinks with friends and baking tarts. Craig will be making his baklava and .. well … on it goes. It's Christmas. I'm gunna enjoy. My goal is to MAINTAIN through it all! I just got my new Country Heat DVD (for the send time - the first one got lost somewhere in the house somewhere before I even OPENED it!). I'm excited to try it out … and Becca said she'd do it with me.
I'm moving more, eating healthier and feeling pretty good overall. Think my hormones are all OVER the place with pre-menapause … given Aunt Flo hasn't been around for a few months so pretty sure that's going to stall any real gain, despite any efforts to lose.
Whatever. January always brings me 2 or 3 months of free time in the morning so I plan to exercise a lot more. Only 30 weeks until the big 5-0 … would like to be down at least 30 pounds by then. It's a tall order so I need to dig deeper very soon!
Gotta run - time to take Leeshy to school.
Have a great day. Stay warm - TTYS xo
Tam
Figured it was high time I posted! … plus I'm procrastinating on what I SHOULD be doing, which is prepping for my kid's class in a few hours. Meh. It'll get done!
So! How am I doing? Pretty good, I'd say. Did I hit my goal of 187 by Dec 1st? Nope. Not even close. Weighed myself this morning. 192.8. Am I happy? Yup. Very! Why? A few reasons. The main one is that I'm MAINTAINING! Why I'm happy about THAT is because I've been slipping a bit - at least in my mind. By maintaining it's allowing me to let go of the beating-myself-up-for-having-a-cookie mentality I've had for so many years. I'm allowing myself the odd nibble or treat here and there. I'm VERY proud that I have a LITTLE. Not 5 cookies (which happened in the past more than I would like to admit!) but ONE cookie. Or ONE chocolate .. controlled. I enjoy and then move on. Every morning I have a "new" day clean piece of paper. I almost always have my shake for breakfast. If I'm home I have a healthy lunch - if not a protein bar. I'm slipping on my pre-dinner snacking (eating the kids' lunch leftovers .. which really is gross, when I think about it …) and I overeat at dinner. I eat my HEALTHY dinner … but can't seem to resist the kids uneaten food. Again - gross. On the bright side, despite me eating too much it is still much less than in the past. Where I get disappointed in myself is that the kids' food isn't the healthy choice. Better for me to eat more quinoa than the kids' breaded chicken strip. Again - not disastrous and at least I recognize the error of my ways *lol*. I know, a gal can't live on kale and quinoa alone … but there is not good reason for me to be eating what I am. I'm not hungry and, truth be told, it usually isn't even that tasty! I do like the clean foods! Heck, yesterday I made fried zucchini in some olive oil with Craig's home-grow garlic, salt and pepper. Had two eggs to go with it. De-LICIOUS! It's odd that I'm "good" when I'm alone but "Naughty" when the family is around. I'm sure a psychologist would have a few thoughts on THAT! *lol*
I'm moving more, eating healthier and feeling pretty good overall. Think my hormones are all OVER the place with pre-menapause … given Aunt Flo hasn't been around for a few months so pretty sure that's going to stall any real gain, despite any efforts to lose.
Whatever. January always brings me 2 or 3 months of free time in the morning so I plan to exercise a lot more. Only 30 weeks until the big 5-0 … would like to be down at least 30 pounds by then. It's a tall order so I need to dig deeper very soon!
Gotta run - time to take Leeshy to school.
Have a great day. Stay warm - TTYS xo
Tam
Monday, November 14, 2016
Just For Today I ...
Morning Girlfriend!
Short and sweet. Gunna be productive today if it KILLS me!
Just for today I choose to:
Short and sweet. Gunna be productive today if it KILLS me!
Just for today I choose to:
- have a shake for breakfast
- have a shake for lunch
- have cucumbers and/or fruit for snacks
- have quinoa, fish and veg for dinner
- do my 17 minute butt and thigh DVD
- look in the mirror, smile and remind myself I'm beautiful
Just for the next 4 days I choose to:
- Repeat the above
BAM! Digging deep this week to nail the Monday - Friday healthy living and we'll deal with the weekend on the weekend.
Feeling motivated, positive and determined!
Have a great week - TTYS xo
Tam
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Check-in ...
Hey Girlfriend!
I have about 20 minutes before my stamping class starts (immmm why aren't you here???) and have been trying to post for DAYS but … well … it's pretty non-stop once my feet his the ground these days!
Just wanted to check in. I HOPE this post doesn't set me back, like it did last time I had happy reports. Fingers crossed.
Weighed myself this morning as I felt a bit of a shift in my tummy roll … 192.2 pounds. So that's down a total of 11.6 in about 6 weeks. Pretty good! I'm really happy with that. Yes, I lost about 10 the first week … but I never trust that first week or two. I know that now after 6 weeks it is truly a loss of fat, not just water. So I'll take it!
I have to say I am SO proud of the healthy choices I've been making more and more regularly. I usually have an apple mid morning as a snack … usually have one yellow pepper and 3 mini cucumbers with my lunch, or as an afternoon snack … and I have cut out the evening snacking (at least for the last week or so). Last night I was SOOOOOO proud of myself! I was peckish at bedtime, as I often am … I grabbed about 7 little cubes of cheese I had in the fridge. I maybe ate 3 - the rest went to Koda. I then went to Alicia's room to put her clean laundry in her room. Uh oh. There on her bed was her huge bag of Halloween candy. Oooooo - chocolate! I rummaged through it, spotted a Crispy Crunch. Yum! … oh, nope, Coffee Crisp … and then I stopped and mentally bitch slapped myself! WTF was I doing??? I didn't even WANT it … it was just there and I could "get away with it" … I walked out of the room and gave myself a high five. No, one little 60 calorie chocolate wouldn't have hurt per se … but I'm pretty sure 1 would have resulted in 3 (cause once I get that taste in my mouth it' too good to resist!) It's like an alcoholic trying to have just one small glass of wine. It just doesn't work! So no, 150 calories likely wouldn't have hurt either. What WOULD have hurt would have been the mental bashing I would have given myself. Bashing avoided! Yay me!
Today/tonight similar case. I was actually hungry around 2:00 pm. I and a shake for breakfast and a bar at 11:45 … but I was HUNGRY … so I made 2 eggs with extra egg white. I worried a bit about my calories for the day and then slapped myself. Doesn't matter if I have 1200 or 1500 calories today. I've made healthy choices! I had a healthy taco salad for dinner.
I'm sitting here now drinking a cup of tea. It's my "go-to" when I feel "weak" … or think I might sneak something not-so-healthy. I craved sweet after dinner. I had a Japanese orange instead of chocolate (yes, I COULD have had one of the isagenix chocolates but haven't had a Japanese orange in almost a year so that's what I chose!) The tea really helps me. When I feel my mind mentally going through the pantry thinking what I can have I turn on the kettle. IT distracts me for 2 minutes while it heats … and then it takes me 15 minutes to drink it. By the time I'm done I'm full and the cravings have passed. Mission accomplished.
The healthy choices are getting easier and easier to make. I don't have to actually stop and think as much anymore - I reach for the apple or the kettle more automatically. Things are changing. My mentality is changing. I fell like I am really starting to reprogram my diet mentality into healthy mentality. Oh sure, last week I just HAPPENED to have 7 piece of baguette (!!! 7 … because 8 would have been ridiculous!!!) BUT .. the next day was a new day! I had no guilt, no "hangover" - started anew. In the past I would have sympathy eaten for another week … or month … before getting back on the wagon. It really is like quitting smoking. I tried to quit for YEARS. I'd quit, take it up again, 9 months later quit, take it up again, 6 months later quit, take it up again, 4 months later take it up again … and so on. Every time I would try to quit it would be less and less time between attempts … and then one day I had enough and was "done". It appears thats the way this healthy living is going too. If and when I have a little blip I get back on the horse right away and don't sabotage my progress. Woo hoo! I hear that's also the way "thin" people think (and/or women in France). Overeating on one occasion is not a catastrophe - it's life! … and they roll with it.
So there you have it … my ramble for the week. I'm doing great, I'm feeling awesome and keeping my eye on the prize - healthy living without having to think about it 24/7!
Gotta run - hope you're well. TTYS Girlfriend! xo
Tam
I have about 20 minutes before my stamping class starts (immmm why aren't you here???) and have been trying to post for DAYS but … well … it's pretty non-stop once my feet his the ground these days!
Just wanted to check in. I HOPE this post doesn't set me back, like it did last time I had happy reports. Fingers crossed.
Weighed myself this morning as I felt a bit of a shift in my tummy roll … 192.2 pounds. So that's down a total of 11.6 in about 6 weeks. Pretty good! I'm really happy with that. Yes, I lost about 10 the first week … but I never trust that first week or two. I know that now after 6 weeks it is truly a loss of fat, not just water. So I'll take it!
I have to say I am SO proud of the healthy choices I've been making more and more regularly. I usually have an apple mid morning as a snack … usually have one yellow pepper and 3 mini cucumbers with my lunch, or as an afternoon snack … and I have cut out the evening snacking (at least for the last week or so). Last night I was SOOOOOO proud of myself! I was peckish at bedtime, as I often am … I grabbed about 7 little cubes of cheese I had in the fridge. I maybe ate 3 - the rest went to Koda. I then went to Alicia's room to put her clean laundry in her room. Uh oh. There on her bed was her huge bag of Halloween candy. Oooooo - chocolate! I rummaged through it, spotted a Crispy Crunch. Yum! … oh, nope, Coffee Crisp … and then I stopped and mentally bitch slapped myself! WTF was I doing??? I didn't even WANT it … it was just there and I could "get away with it" … I walked out of the room and gave myself a high five. No, one little 60 calorie chocolate wouldn't have hurt per se … but I'm pretty sure 1 would have resulted in 3 (cause once I get that taste in my mouth it' too good to resist!) It's like an alcoholic trying to have just one small glass of wine. It just doesn't work! So no, 150 calories likely wouldn't have hurt either. What WOULD have hurt would have been the mental bashing I would have given myself. Bashing avoided! Yay me!
Today/tonight similar case. I was actually hungry around 2:00 pm. I and a shake for breakfast and a bar at 11:45 … but I was HUNGRY … so I made 2 eggs with extra egg white. I worried a bit about my calories for the day and then slapped myself. Doesn't matter if I have 1200 or 1500 calories today. I've made healthy choices! I had a healthy taco salad for dinner.
I'm sitting here now drinking a cup of tea. It's my "go-to" when I feel "weak" … or think I might sneak something not-so-healthy. I craved sweet after dinner. I had a Japanese orange instead of chocolate (yes, I COULD have had one of the isagenix chocolates but haven't had a Japanese orange in almost a year so that's what I chose!) The tea really helps me. When I feel my mind mentally going through the pantry thinking what I can have I turn on the kettle. IT distracts me for 2 minutes while it heats … and then it takes me 15 minutes to drink it. By the time I'm done I'm full and the cravings have passed. Mission accomplished.
The healthy choices are getting easier and easier to make. I don't have to actually stop and think as much anymore - I reach for the apple or the kettle more automatically. Things are changing. My mentality is changing. I fell like I am really starting to reprogram my diet mentality into healthy mentality. Oh sure, last week I just HAPPENED to have 7 piece of baguette (!!! 7 … because 8 would have been ridiculous!!!) BUT .. the next day was a new day! I had no guilt, no "hangover" - started anew. In the past I would have sympathy eaten for another week … or month … before getting back on the wagon. It really is like quitting smoking. I tried to quit for YEARS. I'd quit, take it up again, 9 months later quit, take it up again, 6 months later quit, take it up again, 4 months later take it up again … and so on. Every time I would try to quit it would be less and less time between attempts … and then one day I had enough and was "done". It appears thats the way this healthy living is going too. If and when I have a little blip I get back on the horse right away and don't sabotage my progress. Woo hoo! I hear that's also the way "thin" people think (and/or women in France). Overeating on one occasion is not a catastrophe - it's life! … and they roll with it.
So there you have it … my ramble for the week. I'm doing great, I'm feeling awesome and keeping my eye on the prize - healthy living without having to think about it 24/7!
Gotta run - hope you're well. TTYS Girlfriend! xo
Tam
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Mission Accomplished!
Hey Girlfriend!
Just a quick one to say "yay me!" Not one piece of crap passed over these lips yesterday! I ate to plan and wasn't even tempted by the candy! Around 7:30 I was a little peckish (we ate dinner early) and was heading to grab a handful of almonds then spotted the freshly roasted pumpkin seeds I made a few hours earlier. THAT kept me occupied for a while! I do wonder, however, if there is caffeine in pumpkin seeds as I had the WORST sleep! More like a nap on and off all night. Oh well, nothing on the calendar today other than Dad's birthday so I can take it easy this afternoon.
Today's plan is the same as yesterdays - NO CANDY! I MAY indulge in some scalloped potatoes later (ham dinner for Dad tonight) but nothing too crazy!
Have an awesome day - TTYL :)
Tam
Just a quick one to say "yay me!" Not one piece of crap passed over these lips yesterday! I ate to plan and wasn't even tempted by the candy! Around 7:30 I was a little peckish (we ate dinner early) and was heading to grab a handful of almonds then spotted the freshly roasted pumpkin seeds I made a few hours earlier. THAT kept me occupied for a while! I do wonder, however, if there is caffeine in pumpkin seeds as I had the WORST sleep! More like a nap on and off all night. Oh well, nothing on the calendar today other than Dad's birthday so I can take it easy this afternoon.
Today's plan is the same as yesterdays - NO CANDY! I MAY indulge in some scalloped potatoes later (ham dinner for Dad tonight) but nothing too crazy!
Have an awesome day - TTYL :)
Tam
Monday, October 31, 2016
Enough is Enough!
Hey Girlfriend!
Right. Enough is enough already! Time to give my head a shake and get real again! So remember last post I was all proud about how "good" I was? Rocking the clean eating, healthy choices etc etc. Ya. Well I don't know WTF goes on in my head but I'm seeing a pattern … every time I make a post like that I go off the rails! What. The. Fuck??? I've seen this pattern in me before. I lose a few pounds, I eat. Is it celebrate eating? Is it sabotage eating? WTF??? Someone mentions I'm looking good, or asks if I've lost weight … I go off the rails! So I posted last week and then started sliding! Oh I'd START the day off right, with a shake but then, usually mid afternoon I'd have a treat of some sort. Now I WILL admit I think SOME of it was stress eating. My schedule was all out of whack with Rebecca and all health issues and appointments. No excuse. Grow up! Get a grip!
Tomorrow is November 1st. I need a mini goal. That mini goal is to eat "to plan" (meaning healthy choices, stay out of the Halloween toxins!) from Monday to Friday. The "bigger goal" is December 1st. To make thing realistic I am striving to be 187 by December 1. This morning I weighed myself just so I had a starting point. 195. All good. I'm floating between 192 and 195. Haven't been drinking enough water etc etc. I figure 187 is doable and reasonable. I got this.
So! JUST FOR TODAY I choose to have a shake for breakfast, bar for lunch and cucumbers for snack. I choose to have a SMALL bowl of my taco soup for dinner … and JUST FOR TODAY I am committing to not having even ONE piece of Halloween Shit!
Right. Gotta run. I'm starving! Shake, tidy, walk Doodles, GO!
Have a great day Girlfriend. Stay awesome!
Tam
Right. Enough is enough already! Time to give my head a shake and get real again! So remember last post I was all proud about how "good" I was? Rocking the clean eating, healthy choices etc etc. Ya. Well I don't know WTF goes on in my head but I'm seeing a pattern … every time I make a post like that I go off the rails! What. The. Fuck??? I've seen this pattern in me before. I lose a few pounds, I eat. Is it celebrate eating? Is it sabotage eating? WTF??? Someone mentions I'm looking good, or asks if I've lost weight … I go off the rails! So I posted last week and then started sliding! Oh I'd START the day off right, with a shake but then, usually mid afternoon I'd have a treat of some sort. Now I WILL admit I think SOME of it was stress eating. My schedule was all out of whack with Rebecca and all health issues and appointments. No excuse. Grow up! Get a grip!
Tomorrow is November 1st. I need a mini goal. That mini goal is to eat "to plan" (meaning healthy choices, stay out of the Halloween toxins!) from Monday to Friday. The "bigger goal" is December 1st. To make thing realistic I am striving to be 187 by December 1. This morning I weighed myself just so I had a starting point. 195. All good. I'm floating between 192 and 195. Haven't been drinking enough water etc etc. I figure 187 is doable and reasonable. I got this.
So! JUST FOR TODAY I choose to have a shake for breakfast, bar for lunch and cucumbers for snack. I choose to have a SMALL bowl of my taco soup for dinner … and JUST FOR TODAY I am committing to not having even ONE piece of Halloween Shit!
Right. Gotta run. I'm starving! Shake, tidy, walk Doodles, GO!
Have a great day Girlfriend. Stay awesome!
Tam
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Still Here!
Hey Girlfriend! Yes, I'm still here.
Been MEANING to post for a few days but the days have just been flying by! My calendar swings between totally empty and totally full. On the empty days I have great plans to get x, y, z done but instead j, p, c gets done. You know me - do everything but what NEEDS to be done! All good. I always seem to manage to get 'er done eventually!
Let's see …. when last we chatted I was just getting over my coughing "thing". I was more or less better by Wednesday so decided to do a ONE day cleanse on Friday. Ugh. I really really REALLY can't stand the products I have to take on a cleanse day … other than the chocolates I get (super yum!) After whining to Wanda about the "Scooby Snacks", as I call them, we found a way to make them yummy. They are not-so-little chocolate (or vanilla or berry) "candy". They are VERY chalky and I can't bear them. I'd rather go hungry than eat them but they are necessary for maintaining blood sugar levels and I guess they have some protein in them. I mentioned maybe I could smash them into a powder, add some water and "shoot" it. Wanda remembered seeing a hot chocolate recipe using them. Yes, smash two or three of the snacks, add one ore chocolates we get and add hot water. It was YUMMY! So THAT part was conquered without gagging. The only other thing I can't bear is the Cleanse For Life "gack", as I call it. Truly horrible. I almost can't keep it down … and I have to take it 4 times during the day. It turns into 8 times for me because I take one scoop, add a bit of water and shoot it … then do the second scoop, add some water and shoot it. Seriously. The last shot of the day almost came back up. SO yuck! Now I don't actually get hungry on cleanse days but I DO get SOOOOO bitchy! Im fine until about 6:00 pm and then I morph into a very, very angry woman! *lol*. I had stamp class Friday night and the gals were sure to move the scissors away from me! SERIOUSLY bitchy!!
I was glad when Saturday morning rolled around. I started the day off with my usual shake and life was good. Craig and I went to a "beginners course for making sausage" class … so I did have a home-made sausage. When we got home I decided against another shake - I kind craved actual chewing! I didn't eat BADLY but not the BEST choices. I had a bit of left over pasta and just kind of snacked throughout the day. At dinner I fried up some pea pods, peppers and onions. I confess I *might* have had 3 mini chocolate bars from the Halloween stash … and then I *might* have had a small glass of wine … alate snack of 2 eggs (i had no protein at dinner so was hungry) and then *might* have had a bowl of Boom Chicka Pop popcorn before bed. In hindsight that was NOT a good combo of food products!!! I HAD to get up at 6:30 am with … shall we say "issues". Shall we also say I had "issues" ALL day (at least 8 "issues") and by bedtime was not a happy bunny. I was in a bad frame of mind, super tired, whiny, cranky and fed up. I was pretty convinced I would never do another cleanse and started seriously wondering WTH I was doing to my body on this plan! I texted Wanda. She talked me off the ledge and said it WASN'T uncommon to have "issues" like I was today. Everyone is different and it appears I have/had a lot of toxins. She pointed out Ive lost weight and inches (I'm now 192 pounds, so down almost 12 pounds in 30 days). I asked when I was gunna start feeling GOOD as everyone always seems to say they feel. I felt good the first week - the let 3 I've felt like CRAP and it was making me cranky! We agreed I would just stay the course and get some sleep.
Yes, everything seemed better in the morning. Actually, I'm quite happy to say that have FINALLY started feeling pretty good! Yes, I do have more energy and walk Koda a lot faster than I did a month ago (but I'm pretty sure that's mainly due to the caffeine in the one pill I take). I HAVE lost weight and inches. My knees AREN'T as sore (even though it'n "only" 12 pounds). I still don't sleep well but I do feel SO much lighter! I'm WAY less bloated and haven't had gas since I started. I do like the way I feel … so I'm gunna keep going :)
I have been eating REALLY healthy and NO snacking! I haven't been hungry. I'm not drinking as much water as I should but, to be honest, I'm sick of going to the bathroom 100 times a day and/or peeing every time I sneeze! I manage 1.5 - 2 litres a day. If I'm home all day I drink more (cause there's a toilet near by!) but other than that I'm cutting back in the day.
My portions have been great. My snacks have been ridiculously healthy and I have't been snacking in the evenings. I just haven't wanted to! I haven't had the kids leftovers and I haven't had desserts. It's crazy! After dinner I usually WANT more food (not because i'm hungry but because I lie to eat!) but instead of seconds or dessert I boil the kettle while washing the dishes and then sit with a cup of tea. Distracts me long enough to stay out of the fridge and mindless eating. Score!
So - yes, I'm down to 192. I REALLY want to hit 190 … and to be honest am surprised Im not that already. My stomach is much flatter and the jeans are loose. I'm not dwelling or obsessing - it will come - but I want to be at that 190 mark very soon. I'm actually WANTING to start exercising soon - my schedule is pretty nuts until November 2nd but after that I want to start my DVDs again.
So there you have it! I'm on a roll and am making progress. Losing some weight and CRUSHING the healthy eating! Well on my way to a healthier me. Can't wait to see what the next 30 days brings!
Hope you're well - I'll update again when I have something to report.
TTYL - have great evening! <3
Tam
Been MEANING to post for a few days but the days have just been flying by! My calendar swings between totally empty and totally full. On the empty days I have great plans to get x, y, z done but instead j, p, c gets done. You know me - do everything but what NEEDS to be done! All good. I always seem to manage to get 'er done eventually!
Let's see …. when last we chatted I was just getting over my coughing "thing". I was more or less better by Wednesday so decided to do a ONE day cleanse on Friday. Ugh. I really really REALLY can't stand the products I have to take on a cleanse day … other than the chocolates I get (super yum!) After whining to Wanda about the "Scooby Snacks", as I call them, we found a way to make them yummy. They are not-so-little chocolate (or vanilla or berry) "candy". They are VERY chalky and I can't bear them. I'd rather go hungry than eat them but they are necessary for maintaining blood sugar levels and I guess they have some protein in them. I mentioned maybe I could smash them into a powder, add some water and "shoot" it. Wanda remembered seeing a hot chocolate recipe using them. Yes, smash two or three of the snacks, add one ore chocolates we get and add hot water. It was YUMMY! So THAT part was conquered without gagging. The only other thing I can't bear is the Cleanse For Life "gack", as I call it. Truly horrible. I almost can't keep it down … and I have to take it 4 times during the day. It turns into 8 times for me because I take one scoop, add a bit of water and shoot it … then do the second scoop, add some water and shoot it. Seriously. The last shot of the day almost came back up. SO yuck! Now I don't actually get hungry on cleanse days but I DO get SOOOOO bitchy! Im fine until about 6:00 pm and then I morph into a very, very angry woman! *lol*. I had stamp class Friday night and the gals were sure to move the scissors away from me! SERIOUSLY bitchy!!
I was glad when Saturday morning rolled around. I started the day off with my usual shake and life was good. Craig and I went to a "beginners course for making sausage" class … so I did have a home-made sausage. When we got home I decided against another shake - I kind craved actual chewing! I didn't eat BADLY but not the BEST choices. I had a bit of left over pasta and just kind of snacked throughout the day. At dinner I fried up some pea pods, peppers and onions. I confess I *might* have had 3 mini chocolate bars from the Halloween stash … and then I *might* have had a small glass of wine … alate snack of 2 eggs (i had no protein at dinner so was hungry) and then *might* have had a bowl of Boom Chicka Pop popcorn before bed. In hindsight that was NOT a good combo of food products!!! I HAD to get up at 6:30 am with … shall we say "issues". Shall we also say I had "issues" ALL day (at least 8 "issues") and by bedtime was not a happy bunny. I was in a bad frame of mind, super tired, whiny, cranky and fed up. I was pretty convinced I would never do another cleanse and started seriously wondering WTH I was doing to my body on this plan! I texted Wanda. She talked me off the ledge and said it WASN'T uncommon to have "issues" like I was today. Everyone is different and it appears I have/had a lot of toxins. She pointed out Ive lost weight and inches (I'm now 192 pounds, so down almost 12 pounds in 30 days). I asked when I was gunna start feeling GOOD as everyone always seems to say they feel. I felt good the first week - the let 3 I've felt like CRAP and it was making me cranky! We agreed I would just stay the course and get some sleep.
Yes, everything seemed better in the morning. Actually, I'm quite happy to say that have FINALLY started feeling pretty good! Yes, I do have more energy and walk Koda a lot faster than I did a month ago (but I'm pretty sure that's mainly due to the caffeine in the one pill I take). I HAVE lost weight and inches. My knees AREN'T as sore (even though it'n "only" 12 pounds). I still don't sleep well but I do feel SO much lighter! I'm WAY less bloated and haven't had gas since I started. I do like the way I feel … so I'm gunna keep going :)
I have been eating REALLY healthy and NO snacking! I haven't been hungry. I'm not drinking as much water as I should but, to be honest, I'm sick of going to the bathroom 100 times a day and/or peeing every time I sneeze! I manage 1.5 - 2 litres a day. If I'm home all day I drink more (cause there's a toilet near by!) but other than that I'm cutting back in the day.
My portions have been great. My snacks have been ridiculously healthy and I have't been snacking in the evenings. I just haven't wanted to! I haven't had the kids leftovers and I haven't had desserts. It's crazy! After dinner I usually WANT more food (not because i'm hungry but because I lie to eat!) but instead of seconds or dessert I boil the kettle while washing the dishes and then sit with a cup of tea. Distracts me long enough to stay out of the fridge and mindless eating. Score!
So - yes, I'm down to 192. I REALLY want to hit 190 … and to be honest am surprised Im not that already. My stomach is much flatter and the jeans are loose. I'm not dwelling or obsessing - it will come - but I want to be at that 190 mark very soon. I'm actually WANTING to start exercising soon - my schedule is pretty nuts until November 2nd but after that I want to start my DVDs again.
So there you have it! I'm on a roll and am making progress. Losing some weight and CRUSHING the healthy eating! Well on my way to a healthier me. Can't wait to see what the next 30 days brings!
Hope you're well - I'll update again when I have something to report.
TTYL - have great evening! <3
Tam
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Still going strong ...
Hey Girlfriend!
Nothing too epic to report … just keeping on keeping on!
I've been sick as all get out the week with this stupid cough! Well, I SAY sick but I DID got to the doctor Wednesday and, according to her, I'm NOT sick. Ohhhhhh Kayyyyyyy. I was all over my "detoxing, not sick" theory but this has been going on for over a week now. Yesterday I think I may have coughed up my spleen … so I"m starting to think I may be sick after all. Whatever. Doesn't really matter … as long as my back doesn't go out (which I can't believe hasn't happened yet!) On the bright side my tummy muscles are getting QUITE the workout! I have a yummy cough syrup to take at bedtime - it has codeine in it. Apparently I really LIKE codeine! lol. I'll get there … Every day I think I'm a little better …. although Craig disagrees and whilst he was VERY patient and empathetic the first few days he is now ready for me to be done this gig!
So … how has this all affected my master health plan? It really hasn't! … aside from the fact that I can't do a cleanse until I'm 100% again (too hard on the body).
I am thrilled to report I have been 100% NAILING the healthy eating! Shake for breakfast, either a shake, a bar or a super healthy lunch and controlled, reasonable dinners! No snacking either! All week I have had the opportunity to eat crap (leftover potato chips and candy from Alicia's party, ice-cream, girl guide cookies, Costco sized bag of M&M peanuts AND HAlloween chocolate!) but I haven't had ANY! No, I don't have massive amounts of willpower. I don't WANT it! It's the weirdest thing! Historically, I RARELY eat or snack because I'm hungry. I usually do so because I'm bored or procrastinating on something. I also like to mindlessly pop Smarties in my mouth while crafting. This week … nuthin! Wanda TOLD me that on Isagenix you wouldn't have cravings. I didn't think much of it as I don't usually CRAVE the crap .. I just eat it! This week that hasn't happened. the BIGGEST surprise was Tuesday. I made ribs for dinner. Ribs have always been one of my favourites. I boil the ribs for a few hours. I then LOVE to have a few of them just freshly out of the pot (yes, just boiled meat) with some salt and pepper. I then usually have one when I put the sauce on … and then of course about 5 with dinner. So Tuesday I boiled them up. I ad a little nibble (like one bite) of the boiled meat. It was ok … didn't have more. Did't sneak any pre-dinner. Had 6 with dinner. Blech! I ATE them .. but as I was nearing the end I realized (when I slowed down and actually though about the taste) I wasn't really enjoying them! Afterwords I felt GROSS! SO greasy/fatty and heavy!! I guess my tastes/loves for fatty foods is changing. I guess I should be happy about that … I just don't know how to sea with it! lol. I've ALWAYS loved fatty foods - especially FAT! Steak fat, bacon fat, pork fat. Wow. This new me is going to take a whir to get to know! The way I SEE myself is starting to change. I'm starting to be one of "those" people. The ones who make good choices all the time … because they truly LIKE the healthy food.
Humph. Who'd'a'thunk?
(Oh! FY 0 weighed myself today as my jeans almost literally fall down when I walk now. I was 195.6. Thought I'd be less … but all good. My system isn't right this week - little "backed up" and Aunt Flo is just leaving … not sure why I stepped on the scale, actually but it's ok. I'm not bothered by it … just confirming I'm down from where I started.)
Off I go to start my Saturday. Craig is making hoe made hash browns and eggs. Hmmm. It IS the weekend … mane I'll have some eggs today.
Have a great weeked. TTYS!
Tam
Nothing too epic to report … just keeping on keeping on!
I've been sick as all get out the week with this stupid cough! Well, I SAY sick but I DID got to the doctor Wednesday and, according to her, I'm NOT sick. Ohhhhhh Kayyyyyyy. I was all over my "detoxing, not sick" theory but this has been going on for over a week now. Yesterday I think I may have coughed up my spleen … so I"m starting to think I may be sick after all. Whatever. Doesn't really matter … as long as my back doesn't go out (which I can't believe hasn't happened yet!) On the bright side my tummy muscles are getting QUITE the workout! I have a yummy cough syrup to take at bedtime - it has codeine in it. Apparently I really LIKE codeine! lol. I'll get there … Every day I think I'm a little better …. although Craig disagrees and whilst he was VERY patient and empathetic the first few days he is now ready for me to be done this gig!
So … how has this all affected my master health plan? It really hasn't! … aside from the fact that I can't do a cleanse until I'm 100% again (too hard on the body).
I am thrilled to report I have been 100% NAILING the healthy eating! Shake for breakfast, either a shake, a bar or a super healthy lunch and controlled, reasonable dinners! No snacking either! All week I have had the opportunity to eat crap (leftover potato chips and candy from Alicia's party, ice-cream, girl guide cookies, Costco sized bag of M&M peanuts AND HAlloween chocolate!) but I haven't had ANY! No, I don't have massive amounts of willpower. I don't WANT it! It's the weirdest thing! Historically, I RARELY eat or snack because I'm hungry. I usually do so because I'm bored or procrastinating on something. I also like to mindlessly pop Smarties in my mouth while crafting. This week … nuthin! Wanda TOLD me that on Isagenix you wouldn't have cravings. I didn't think much of it as I don't usually CRAVE the crap .. I just eat it! This week that hasn't happened. the BIGGEST surprise was Tuesday. I made ribs for dinner. Ribs have always been one of my favourites. I boil the ribs for a few hours. I then LOVE to have a few of them just freshly out of the pot (yes, just boiled meat) with some salt and pepper. I then usually have one when I put the sauce on … and then of course about 5 with dinner. So Tuesday I boiled them up. I ad a little nibble (like one bite) of the boiled meat. It was ok … didn't have more. Did't sneak any pre-dinner. Had 6 with dinner. Blech! I ATE them .. but as I was nearing the end I realized (when I slowed down and actually though about the taste) I wasn't really enjoying them! Afterwords I felt GROSS! SO greasy/fatty and heavy!! I guess my tastes/loves for fatty foods is changing. I guess I should be happy about that … I just don't know how to sea with it! lol. I've ALWAYS loved fatty foods - especially FAT! Steak fat, bacon fat, pork fat. Wow. This new me is going to take a whir to get to know! The way I SEE myself is starting to change. I'm starting to be one of "those" people. The ones who make good choices all the time … because they truly LIKE the healthy food.
Humph. Who'd'a'thunk?
(Oh! FY 0 weighed myself today as my jeans almost literally fall down when I walk now. I was 195.6. Thought I'd be less … but all good. My system isn't right this week - little "backed up" and Aunt Flo is just leaving … not sure why I stepped on the scale, actually but it's ok. I'm not bothered by it … just confirming I'm down from where I started.)
Off I go to start my Saturday. Craig is making hoe made hash browns and eggs. Hmmm. It IS the weekend … mane I'll have some eggs today.
Have a great weeked. TTYS!
Tam
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Post Thanksgiving Post
Hey Girlfriend!
Just a quickie before I wake the kids …
So I went into the weekend with a good state of mind … until about 7:00 pm Friday night *lol*. Gunna admit I had a *few* gummies and candies that were staring me down at Alicia's birthday party. I also had a teeny tiny piece of pizza.
I was a little mad t myself for eating the candy. Did't care about the calories but rather that I had just cleansed my body of a tonne of toxins and then willingly put those little bombs of sugary poison in my mouth.
Then I go over it.
Rome wasn't built in a day. Given that I've been AWESOME for 2 weeks I didn't dwell. I now know a lot of the reason was that Aunt Flo was on her way. I sense that Saturday and Sunday when I craved carbs. For the most part I resisted. Friday, I think I mentioned, I was getting sick … or detoxing - wasn't sure which. I might have to admit I am/was sick. Saturday I slept ALL DAY! Seriously! Haven't done that since I was in my 20s! I obviously needed it! I didn't have shakes but made mostly good choices.
Sunday was Thanksgiving. I was SO "good". I didn't deprive myself but passed on wine (not really into alcohol), has 1 bite of pumpkin pie and passed on potatoes. I had mainly veg and a bit of turkey. Only "cheat" was that the veg were all swimming in butter … but hey! You have to have fat, right? lol
Yesterday I did have a shake for breakfast but I did have some unnecessary food in the day - half a bun with butter (normally would be a whole one … or two) and MAYBE a few smarties. I blame Aunt Flo … and feeling sorry for my sick self!
The plan was to do a one-day cleans starting Thursday but it's not advised to cleanse when you are sick so I'll be laying it by ear. As much as the cleanse tastes yuck Im kind of looking forward to it. I DID feel lighter and less toxic and think I could use another system reboot.
Today the plan is a shake for breakfast AND lunch - and no candy for SURE. I have LOTS of cucumbers in the fridge so no excuses. I've got this!
Gotta run - TTYS
have a great day! xox
Tam
Just a quickie before I wake the kids …
So I went into the weekend with a good state of mind … until about 7:00 pm Friday night *lol*. Gunna admit I had a *few* gummies and candies that were staring me down at Alicia's birthday party. I also had a teeny tiny piece of pizza.
I was a little mad t myself for eating the candy. Did't care about the calories but rather that I had just cleansed my body of a tonne of toxins and then willingly put those little bombs of sugary poison in my mouth.
Then I go over it.
Rome wasn't built in a day. Given that I've been AWESOME for 2 weeks I didn't dwell. I now know a lot of the reason was that Aunt Flo was on her way. I sense that Saturday and Sunday when I craved carbs. For the most part I resisted. Friday, I think I mentioned, I was getting sick … or detoxing - wasn't sure which. I might have to admit I am/was sick. Saturday I slept ALL DAY! Seriously! Haven't done that since I was in my 20s! I obviously needed it! I didn't have shakes but made mostly good choices.
Sunday was Thanksgiving. I was SO "good". I didn't deprive myself but passed on wine (not really into alcohol), has 1 bite of pumpkin pie and passed on potatoes. I had mainly veg and a bit of turkey. Only "cheat" was that the veg were all swimming in butter … but hey! You have to have fat, right? lol
Yesterday I did have a shake for breakfast but I did have some unnecessary food in the day - half a bun with butter (normally would be a whole one … or two) and MAYBE a few smarties. I blame Aunt Flo … and feeling sorry for my sick self!
The plan was to do a one-day cleans starting Thursday but it's not advised to cleanse when you are sick so I'll be laying it by ear. As much as the cleanse tastes yuck Im kind of looking forward to it. I DID feel lighter and less toxic and think I could use another system reboot.
Today the plan is a shake for breakfast AND lunch - and no candy for SURE. I have LOTS of cucumbers in the fridge so no excuses. I've got this!
Gotta run - TTYS
have a great day! xox
Tam
Friday, October 7, 2016
Ugh...
Hey Girlfriend.
I lied. Posting today. Sitting here drinking my chocolate and berry shake ... kinda a gross combo ... but tolerable. Next time I'll use vanilla powder instead.
Speaking of gross, that's how I feel today. Not just gross but like a flaming pile of poo. My chest feels like I was in a smoky bar all night. Ugh. Funny thing is I'm not sick! No cold, no other symptoms - just a super crazy tight chest.
I figure I'm detoxing BIG time.
Maybe I'm wrong, but that;s my theory ... since I don't DO sick!
Started to feel a little ick Wednesday - after my cleanse. Figured I wouldn't feel great - not a big deal, though - just a slight tinge of a sore throat. Yesterday I could feel the vice taking hold and some coughing. This morning I sound like a man. Sexy? Doubtful *lol*. Doesnt help that I didn't get to sleep until around 3:00 am! That is VERY unusual for me. I usually fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow (and then wake UP around 3 am). Last night was BRUTAL! I dozed a little here and there but not a deep sleep. I got up at 2:00, took a shot of melatonin spray and feel asleep around 3:00. Again, feel like poo.
Wanda says yes people very often feel not-so-good the first few weeks on the plan as the system starts to detox and repair itself. I do recall when I tried this plan just over a year ago I got super sick. Seems too coincidental to happen twice ... a week after being on the plan. MUST be detoxing! Kinda makes sense that it's my lungs, too. Although I've had lung xrays and breathing tests done, and they came back fine, I DID smoke for 25 years! "They" say it takes about 7 years for the lungs to 100% repair/heal from smoking. I think the cleanse is trying to help that along. Good times.
I had assumed that I couldn't sleep because I took a "Natural Accelerator" pill at 4:00 pm - it works to increase your metabolism. Wanda says no, it shouldn't do that. When I read the ingredients list there doesn't seem to be caffein in it so I don't know WHAT last night was about.
Anyway - no time to feel sorry for myself (other than for the 10 minutes to post this!). Alicia has her birthday party and sleepover tonight. Give me strength! Hopefully I can get a nap in before the festivities start! Wish me luck!
So - just for today I choose to "stay the course", drink more water and "just keep swimming"!
I'll check in again soon. TTYL Girlfriend. Happy Friday! xox
Tam
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