I did it again ...

Hey Girlfriend!

Popping in to share my successes … and a confession …

Yesterday was SO awesome on lots of levels.  Alicia and I had a VERY nice, relaxing day at Kingsway.  Of course we didn't GET there until 11:30 as my little "slug girl" (as we call them) slept in and I had to walk Koda before we left … so it was a late start but that's ok - we didn't have much to shop for anyway.

We headed right to the food court as Alicia hasn't eaten yet.  She had her standard Double Buddy Burger with cheese, onion rings and root beer.  I had 2 cucumber and an orange pepper with some water *lol*.  The fast food didn't tempt me in the LEAST!  Truth be told, as I mentioned yesterday, I often end up at Kingsway when I'm on some eating plan and I have TRIED to find healthy options there but, aside from bland salad (I LIKE slad but there rely aren't any GOOD ones I can find there!) there really aren't too many tasty, healthy options.  I DID treat myself to the INSIDE onion of one onion ring .. and a half-a-pinkie-length piece of the batter.  The onion was very greasy and Im very glad I just had a nibble.  Satisfied my MIND (more than my tastebuds) and we moved on :)

I did super well at dinner, too.  I felt like I had a bit too large a portion of spaghetti sauce … but also wanted to make sure I was getting ENOUGH calories in the day.  It was probably a cup or a cup and half - seemed like an awful lot but may have been just because I hadn't eaten "real" food in 2 days.  I also had a BIG salad to go with it.  Even Alicia said it was really good.  Crisp, fresh and yummy.  After my cleanse the fresh veg tastes SO good to me.  That excites me more than you know!  I guess clean eating begets clean eating!

Instead of noodles (did NOT want to be gassy and bloated!) I was going to have spaghetti squash.  I LOVE that stuff with ANYTHING on top - spaghettis sauce, just butter and salt and pepper or even a fried egg.  SO yummy!  When I was going through the fridge looking for sauce ingredients I stumbled across some yam noodles I bought about 1 - 2 months ago.  They don't LOOK very appetizing but figured I'd at least OPEN them before they went bad and I was forced to throw them out.  They SMELLED like fish when I opened them but I tasted one and it tasted like … nothing!  Perfect! *lol*.  I rinsed them off and boiled them for a minute.  The whole package is only 10 calories.  What????  I love the spongy/rubbery texture (my family would hate it!) and will definitely buy them again.  I got them at the Lucky Supermarket on 97th and 137th.  I haven't seen them at Sobeys but pretty sure most T&T ( the other Chinese Foods Supermarket) carries them as well.  Here is what they look like …

I highly recommend trying these - especially if you are gluten / wheat intolerant!

So I was VERY happy with myself … and then 8:30 happened.  Us gels went upstairs to watch an episode of Cake Wars before bed.  Alicia made herself some Jiffy Pop popcorn we had left over from camping holidays.  I didn't have any … until she said she was done and did I want some.  Sigh.  Popsorn is a bit of a weakness for me.  I had some.  No.  I had a lot.  Like half the bowl.  I justified it at the time by saying I had probably not had more than about 1,000 calories.  Maybe I had, I don't know exactly.  Afterward I had eaters-guilt.  Not because of the calories but because it was a crappy choice.  Oh sure it wasn't a BIG deal - not like I had a greasy burger or half a cake but it was recessed popcorn with extra butter and salt.  I had just finished cleaning out my system (and it wasn't easy!) so I punched myself once or twice over it.

Then I moved on.

Wasn't going to dwell.

Not dwelling now.

Remembering the bad mental feeling from that CHOICE and will learn from it moving forward.  Yes, it was her birthday.  Yes, it was a bit of  a one-off.  But I just ate too much of it - out of habit, I guess.

Moving on!

That wasn't even my confession!  My confession is I weighed myself again this morning.  Now I have a very good reason for that!  I'm not obsession over the scale again - and the scale is now back in the downstairs bathroom so I'm not tempted to step on it.  I consciously CHOSE to weigh myself.  Why?  I wanted to know how much water etc I had gained back after eating yesterday.  My thought processes was … "what if I "gained" back a few pounds so I was "really", say 196.  What if I then eat well all week and weigh myself again next Monday to see I'm, say 194.  If I don't KNOW that I was up a few pounds today then I would think I hadn't lost anything after eating well and may be discouraged.  If I weigh myself today then I'll know that, if I'm 194 next Monday I will have truly lost 2 pounds of fat".

Does that make sense?  HArd to explain but I know what I mean.

So!  I weighed myself expecting to be up about 1.5 - 2 pounds.  Know what?  I was only up .4!  What??   I find that hard to believe but whatever.  I WANT to be excited about that but keep telling myself it's not about the number.  I felt RELLY good yesterday, and this morning.  My pants are SO loose I was actually looking at new ones yesterday.  (Too bad - I love these jeans!)

Today I will keep on keeping on.  More water (I was down yesterday being out of the house most of the day), more of the fresh veg and a healthy dinner.  Kinda liking this new eating gig I've got going on!

That's all I've got today - just wanted to share.  Might check in again after Alicia's birthday party and/or Thanksgiving dinner just to brag about how awesome I was but if not I'll check in next week.

Love you Girlfriend.  TTYS!  xo


Tam

Fasting Results

Hey Girlfriend!

Is it wrong to have a piece of turkey breast first thing in the morning?  *lol*.  I have seriously thought of little else since Monday morning!  It damn near KILLED me to make dinner for the family last night and practically sucked the skin right off my fingers after cutting up the turkey breast!  I'm VERY happy the two-day fast is over!

"They" say Day 2 is supposed to be easier than Day 1.  I didn't find that.  I was ok until about 3:00 pm.  It helped that I was out a large portion of the day (today is Alicia's birthday and I needed presents!) but once I got home I got more and more and more irritable!  Was barking at everyone.  It wasn't pretty!  By 6:00 I couldn't take the anger anymore.  I ate 2 small cucumbers … and I was better.  It's true what the commercial says - "you aren't yourself when you're hungry"!

The family didn't "get" why I was putting myself through all that.  Well … in an effort to detox, I suppose.  I do think my body has been a toxic wasteland for the last year and wanted to clean up a bit.  Now the challenge is to keep eating clean for the next week until my next cleanse.  I had decided when I started this 30-Day Cleanse that I would do (3) two-day cleanses in the month.  This is supposed to be the most effective way to reset the system.  Now that I've done one round I'm really not sure if I will do another two day one or not.  I may just do a one-day cleanse every week moving forward.  I found day 1 easier in that I REALLY don't care for what I DO gt to put in my mouth (other than the delicious chocolates!).  The drink is vile - I mix it with a splash of water and shoot it, followed my a glass of water to get rid of the taste.  I didn't MIND the "Scooby Snacks" on day one but by the end of Day two I couldn't even eat one … I skipped the last round of "snacks".  Aside from that  I'm not sure if I can handle the mental aspect of it.  Once again my obsessive nature was starting to rear it's ugly head.  Come 6:00 pm I WANTED to eat but started to feel I had "failed" if I did.  That's not good.  I got a grip, realized I was being bitchy because I WANTED to eat but felt I SHOULDN'T.  That's when things start to go off the rails.  I can mange a one-day cleanse.  Two days - not so sure.  I've schedule my next one for next Thurs and Fri.  I'll do one day and see where I'm at.  I suspect I can make it until noon or dinner on the second day.  We'll see.

So … the results.

Monday morning, if you'll recall, I weighed in at 198.4.  This morning I was 193.6.  So a loss of 4.8 pounds.  Not BAD for a two day struggle!  It's a 10.2 pound loss from last Monday morning.  10.2 pounds in 9 days.  THAT I like!

I'm not going to get all stupid, though.  I'm quite sure that one piece of turkey meat added back 2 pounds … so I won't be weighing myself again for a while!  Ten pounds is great.  I'm THRILLED to be fairly solidly under 200 … but that's just 1 week, partially water and not the main goal.  So I'm gunna relax, keep doing my shakes for breakfast, shake and veg for lunch, healthy fruit/veg snacks and a really reasonable dinner moving forward.  This week won't be "easy" in that Alicia and I have our "Mommy/Daughter Day Out" for her birthday.  That ALWAYS means A&W for lunch for her.  On the bright side I can't remember ever NOT being on some sort of diet on our day out so having a salad or protein bar instead of burger and fries won't be a problem for me.  She wants spaghetti for dinner.  No problem.  Pasta for them, spaghettis squash for me.  I really don't want to "gunk up" my system today.  I KNOW I'd feel like crap if I ate badly today, of all days!  Didn't starve for 2 days to go back to how things were!

It's also her Birthday party Friday/Saturday so lots of temptations … but pretty sure I can resist those.  I don't even LIKE pizza and the thought of greasy junk food doesn't appeal to me at ALL!

Thanksgiving is this weekend as well.  That means dinner at Mom's.  No problem.  Kinda gone off mashed potatoes so turkey and lots of veg for me.

Moderation is the key this week.  I'm not "dieting" in my mind - I'm living healthily … without getting all crazy obsessed.  I will eat slowly, monitor how I feel and if I want something I will think about if I REALLY want it, if its habit, or if it's worth having .. and then I will just have a few bites of it.

Im feeling really strong today.  Focused and determined.  I really DO want this to be my new lifestyle and way of eating.  I'm changing my relationship with food and it feels awesome :)

Hope you're doing well - see you soon!  xoxo


Tam

Here We Go ...

Hey Girlfriend!

Just thought I'd do a quick "heidi ho" and checkin as today I'm starting my two day deep cleanse.  I've done this cleanse before but I can't remember if I did a one day or two day gig.  I DO remember it was no big deal.  I get to have "something" every two hours and I really wasn't hungry.  Having said that I'm DYING for a hot drink but don't know what I can have.  I know I can have "herbal decaf tea" but I don't know what that means!  I have lots of decaf tea … and I have some organic decaf tea … but I want to see the words "organic herbal decaf tea" to make sure I don't have something I'm not supposed to.  Guess I'll just have a glass of water .. or maybe hot water … rather than take the chance of doing it wrong!

I have a confession.

I weighed myself this morning.

I couldn't help it!  I wanted to see what the cleanse would do for me so needed a starting point.  Now I DID have a little chat with myself before I stepped on the scale.  I told myself not to expect too much - it's only been a week.  I did a self-assessment and figured (hoped?) I would be around 199.0 (when Wanda weighed me last Sunday I was 103.8).  As always, I was pretty accurate (see?  who needs a scale!  I know my body VERY well! ..) … and the scale said 198.4.  Pretty close to my 199 guess.

So there you have it.  Week one down 5.4 pounds - maybe water - maybe fat - definitely mental baggage.  Whatever the number I'm healthier than I was last Monday and made VERY good choices all week. Mission accomplished!

I'll check in again Wednesday with my post-cleanse weight.

Have a great day!


Tam

Practicing Patience ...

Hey Girlfriend!

I've been wanted to catch up all week but been too busy!!  Just sitting here waiting for the kids to come home from grandma's house - my brother is in town.  They totally adore him so spent the night over there to "hang with Unkey".  It's been a lovely kid-free day!

SO!  Let's talk about where I'm at with this new Isagenix journey of mine!

So far so good (although I must say I'm totally fighting the munchies today!)

I started the program Monday.  I've stuck to two shakes a day - breakfast and lunch.  I was just talking to Wanda (my health coach and cheerleader *lol*) telling her I'm SO glad I'm doing a 2-day cleanse starting tomorrow because if I have to have one more shake I might gag.  Hee hee.  Now don't get me wrong - up until today I've been totally on board with the shakes and/or bars.  It actually was a GREAT week to start.  I was so busy that I really didn't have time to stop for lunch so shakes and/or bars-on-the-go were just perfect for me!  I had a stash of almonds in my purse, along with some of their healthy chocolates and snacks (Scooby Snacks as I call them!)  I think three days I needed to dip into the almonds.  Amazing how 8 little almonds can carry you over!!  So.  Shake for breakfast (2 scoops of the shake with 1 cup water; 1 scoop of some sort of other nutrient) then I add in half a banana, a few strawberries (or cinnamon) and 2 scoops of my new favourite thing "PB2", which is powdered peanut butter.  LOVE it!  A fraction of the fat and calories of regular peanut butter and help the flavour of the shakes immensely.  I have to admit I really don't care for the taste of the shakes so if I can mask it I'm happy!

I've been drinking 2.5 litres of water a day and having ridiculously healthy snacks and dinners.  Cucumbers, peppers, quinoa, salads … heck, I was out for dinner on Wednesday (Jubilations) and I actually ordered the FISH!! … moreover I took the dessert home for Alicia!  Sheesh!  Went out again last night to an Italian restaurant.  I was beyond controlled having a teeny little piece of bread with some bruschetta, some soup and a salad!  No pasta!  Now that HAS to be a first for this carb whore! *lol*

Weekends I struggle to keep out of the munchies but so far so good.  Tomorrow I start my 2 day deep cleanse.  As I said, I'm looking forward to it.

I haven't weighed myself since starting - and I WANT to resist the urge to do so for the entire 30 days of this phase of the plan.  I just don't want to know!  Well .. I do … but I don't, if you know what I mean.  I know I am WAY less bloated and I likely have lost a few pounds .. but, as I said to Wanda, I am NOT in this for weight loss.  I'm in it for health - weight loss will be a benefit.  I don't have any weight loss goals.  I just want to feel better … and so far I do!  So … as I said in my title I'm practicing patience .. in a lot of was.  I'm being patient to let the process work and to cleanse the toxins out of my system.  I'm being patient with myself if I stumble.  The other day I had a (healthy) bowl of homemade tortellini soup.  It was good but I felt like CRAP for the next 5 hours!  I was SO thirsty (too much salt in it) and my guy blew up like a balloon.  I'm being patient by trying different foods and then trying to gauge how I feel.  Ate paste - felt shit.  No more pasta - at least for a while!  Maybe next time I'll try a corn pasta!

I'm being patient in tracking results.  I WANT to jump on the scale and see I've lost 20 pounds.  But that's not gunna happen.  Aside from the fact that I can't lose that much that fast I don't want to jump on the scale and see I've only lot 2 pounds.  That will mess with my head.  The number doesn't matter, right?  Truth be told I was looking in the mirror yesterday and thought I really didn't think I looked that much heavier at 200 than I did at 18 … so in my mind I'm 180.  Don't the scale to confirm nor deny!

Right now the goal is to stick with this 30 day cleanse and then reassess.  I think I can stick with the shakes ONCE a day - and maybe twice a day a few days a week … but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  Right now it's all about the healthy choices and I've totally nailed that part.  Next up I want to increase my activity.  My feet are more or less better, so I can walk .. but that bores me after a while and really, I don't WANT to walk for an hour a day, especially as it gets colder so one day soon I hope to press play on my pilates videos … not ready to commit to that quite yet.  I'm still super busy with stamping, my brother in town, Alicia's birthday and on and on.  Things slow down Dec 1st so I'll just take one day at a time until then and fit in what I can when I can.  That's the secret to lifestyle change, right?  Small, manageable changes.  That's what I'm committed to … at least for today :)

Time to go baste the turkey .. hope you're well.  I'll try to check in again next weekend.  xoxo


Tam

Checking in ...

Morning Girlfriend!

I know, I know - haven't been posting.  Just.  So.  Busy!  I haven't forgotten about you … or my goals but I have to say, I have been a total shit show for the last few weeks.  The only thing I've managed to stick to is taking my vitamins (most days, anyway).  Water - mmmm - maybe a litre a day.  Exercise - my standard half hour walk with Doodles.  Eating …. well …. let's just say Craig mara a carrot cake and I haven't measured/weighed anything in weeks.

That's ok.

I made those choices.

I'm not weak.  I'm still a good person.  My family still loves me.  My jeans still fit,  Nothing in my life has changed.

Having said that I'm DONE with feeling the way I do.  I'm comfortable MENTALLY with my shape/size but I'm telling you my joints, energy, skin … they are all in the tank!  My body simply can't take this weight.  So.  I've spent a lot of time over the last 2 weeks figuring out what to do and how to do it.  See, the problem is, I'm not "disgusted" with the way I look … so I haven't been as dedicated to the healthy eating/exercise gig.  But I NEED to be … so then the same old panic-mode kicks in.  How do I lose the weight FAST so I feel better in two days.

Ugh.

There's the problem.  The "fast" part.  So.  My thinking has taken longer than usual.  In the past I would just jump into any sort of diet plan believing I couldn't do it any other way.  I now acknowledge I CAN, I just was choosing not to.  Like 50% of the women out there I was looking for the quick fix - the magic pill - the easy way out.  We all know there isn't one.

Let's zoom ahead a bit (cause I seriously have SO much to do before heading to camp with Alicia tomorrow - for 3 days!).

I want to lose weight; I want to do it in a healthy way; I don't want to diet; I'm not patient.

I decided it was "ok" to be on a "plan" … but not a Jenny Craig or Ideal Protein or Atkins Diet.  It's ok to be on a supplement plan that is NOT a diet but WILL result in weight loss … and if I stick to it the weight WILL come off and in a more regulated, safe time line.

I bought the 30 day plan for Isagenix.  Now only the people reading this blog plus one dear friend know I'm going on this plan.  Why?  Not because I'm embarrassed but because I don't want it to be a big deal!  I don't want anyone to think, or see, that anything drastic will change.  I don't want my daughters to think I'm dieting.  I don't want the pressure of "oh!  how much have you lost already".  I don't want ANY sort of diet mentality.  I simply can't handle it.  Yes, this system does have a "60 day challenge" associated with it … if I want it.  I don't.  I've told my "dealer" that yes, she/I can weigh and measure me on day one but I want nothing to do with scales or measurements for a very long while.  No X-day challenges.  NO timelines.  I want to just quietly get healthier.

The gist of the plan is a 1 day cleanse per week.  A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch and a sensible dinner - with supplements.  I think the calorie intake goal is around 1,200 a day.  Whatever - 1,200 - 1,500.  All good.

I chose this plan because it really won't be drastically different than what I do now (minus the carrot cake!)  I currently HAVE a shake for breakfast and (generally) soup for lunch.  A shake for lunch isn;t a big change.  A sensible dinner will be close to what I have now too - I'll just watch my portions a little closer … and I'll feed the family in a healthier way as well.  Craig has been feeling the aches and pains of being another year older and recently asked if he was getting fat!  The girls still have too much processed food/grains and although they get lots of fruit I need to step up their vegetable game a bit.  So this plan will be good for everyone (of course they won't "see" that I'm on shakes as well) and I'll feel like I have support of the family by everyone eating the same, healthy meals.

I plan to start Monday(ish).  I'm at camp until Friday, have a stamping get together Saturday morning so hope to pick up my products on the weekend.

That's the plan.

Just for today I choose to eat like a "healthy" woman does.  First step - always the hardest.

I'll be AWOL again until next week but will check in once I start the plan to let you know how I'm doing.

Thanks for sticking with me, Girlfriend!   Love you!


Tam

I Don't Like It!

Hey Girlfriend!

Sorry I haven't posted in so long - no TIME!  Between my Open House Friday night, Rebecca being home throwing up Monday, Alicia home sick as a dog Friday and "life" in between it was hectic, to say the least.

This week is stupid-crazy busy.  Today is my only day to have a full day of uninterrupted productivity for the next 2 1/2 weeks.  Seriously non-stop, back-to-back "stuff".  Meet the Teacher, Dog Grooming, Doctor Appointments, Classes, Stamp-a-Stack, Anniversary Dinner … and on and on and on …  Not gunna lie - taking care of myself will (and has) taken a series backseat this month!  It's not all bad - being so busy means I don't have time to stand in front of the fridge trolling for food I don't need .. and no time for mindless munching whilst watching TV.  If I'm not moving I'm sleeping - so that's good.  The down side is not as much time to prep healthy options … BUT I DO have lots of cut up veg from Friday night so I'm good for a few days.

I weighed myself this morning.  I was curious.  The weekend was a bit of a shit show for eating - Open House snacks … and wine … chinese take-away Saturday, weekend breakfasts … I didn't watch my portions .. so I wanted to see how I did.  The good news is I'm still under 200.  Just barely.  199.8 *lol*  Although I'm pretty ok mentally with my size these days (remember I'm at my heaviest in my life) I did see a picture of myself from Saturday and I've gotta be honest.  I don't like it.

I'm not down on myself, I'm not depressed - none of the usual self-hate thoughts I use to have.  I've embraced my curves and am feeling more confident than ever … but I just didn't like what I saw because it just doesn't feel right for me to be this size.  I've been about 160 for the last few years.  THAT'S my "natural" size, I think.  This just doesn't feel right to me so it's time to shed the extra.  The question is how.  I'm grappling with that this week.  I think I've nailed the "how to maintain" over the last few months … I need to switch to "lose" mode but without getting all stupid and unhealthy about it.

I can't afford to spend any mental power on it too much for the next few weeks so I'll keep doing what I'm doing but I AM toying with a few programs to help me along.  Yes, it involves money … and I HAVE tried to stay away from just throwing money at my problem/issues.  I'm not jumping into anything yet … but I'm starting some research.  I need to be patient with results … but I have to KNOW that whatever I'm doing will definitely result in losing about 2 pounds a week.  If I don't KNOW that I seem to fall apart and yo-yo.  So watch this space …

Just for today I choose to …

• get back to my 2.5 litres of water a day (haven't done that over the weekend and I AM thirsty!)
• have a protein shake for breakfast and my soup for lunch - veg for snacks
• keep my thoughts positive - not gunna freak out and jump into any crazy programs on a knee-jerk reaction
• look at my ass in the mirror and remember that Craig loves my curves :)

Gotta run - LOTS to accomplish today.

Have a great week Girlfriend! xoxo

Tam

Soup is the Answer

Hey Girlfriend!

Just touching base.  Love our long chats but can't afford the time right now.  STUPID busy … but just the way I like it!  Of course I SHOULD be prepping for my stamping Open House Friday but that's SO not how I operate.  In procrastinating on THAT I'm getting so much done in other areas!  Reorganizing the bonus room, drafting 4 hour emails, catching up on the girls' diaries … and now having my parents over for dinner.

Things are still going really well.  Except for yesterday I got those 3 litres of water in every day.  No - still haven't managed the pilates DVD's … maybe next week?  No - who am I kidding … I really DO need to get on that Open House stuff soon … and it's a long weekend so the pressure is on for Tues, Wed, Thurs.  All good.

I DID stumble a bit one day last week.  After being all proud of myself and my restraint and focus I totally binged after dinner.  Ice cream, 2 cookies, popcorn.  As always I felt like crap afterwards - both physically and mentally.  But! … I didn't wallow for long.  Next morning I woke up and started again.  Right back on track.  I recognized, and was right, that Aunt Flo was due any minute.  That, as always, explains the carb cravings that I just can't seem to control … and I don't.  Yesterday and this morning I everything I truly craved were carbs … so I had them, guilt free.  No point resisting.  If I had substituted with, say, protein I would STILL be trolling through the pantry looking for something that satisfied … so I just went with it.  Had some toast.  Had a few crackers.  Nothing too out of control, just fed the craving.  Aunt Flo arrived and that's the end of THAT!

Onward and upward!

On reflection I see why I was so successful last week.  I didn't have to pre-plan or think about what I was going to eat for most meals.  Shake for breakfast, lots of water, borscht for lunch, lots of water, sensible dinner.  Done!  That borscht was the key!  Filling, took me a long time to eat and healthy!  So … in an effort to recreate the success I will do the same again this week.  I will pre measure the water (but think I will reduce it to 2.5 litres.  Three just has me going through too much toilet paper and peeing every time I sneeze!  Over-share.  Sorry.

I'm done with borscht - had it almost every day for two weeks … so I made up a big match of another of my favourite soups - Weight Watchers Hot and Sour.  Now it's not what you get in the restaurants by ANY stretch of the imagination … but I love it!  I LOVE the texture of tofu … and the mushrooms .. and it's low calorie and filling.  Perfect!  I go to the Lucky Supermarket and grab lots of fresh mushrooms there - they are the BEST for freshness and price.  Brown mushrooms, shitake, oyster, king … and extra firm tofu.  This batch I also used Mushroom broth I got at Costco a few months ago.  I don't use dried mushrooms (fresh is faster and less gritty) and, after testing, I often throw in a lot more hot sauce and/or rice vinegar.  Anything goes - hard to screw it up.  Here's the recipe …

Super yummy!

So that's the plan for the next few days.  I'm walking with a lot less pain so I may try to increase my walk by 10-15 minutes next week.  That's what I chose to do … just for this week :)

Have an awesome Sunday Girlfriend!  Love you :)


Tam