Hey Girlfriend!
Just a quick one as I'm running out the door in 10 to do some stampin' (woo hoo!)
Just glanced at the calendar and see I wrote (1/2 way to 50). Fuck. *lol*
How do I feel about that? Not so great, gotta tell ya!
I've been going through some sort of mid-life crisis this month. I imagine part of it is hormones as I limp ever-closer to that wonderful new stage of life called menopause (fuck again,) More than that, though, I've been REALLY struggling with this "50" number! I'm truly shocked that it's weighing on me!!! I have NEVER been a number girl in that regard. I think having kids so late in life and having the maturity led of a 16 year old has always sheltered me from being in my late 40's mentally. Well! This 50 just seems to be sinking in! If I'm 50 then I MUST be an adult. I MUST be old enough to be a wife. I MUST be old enough / mature enough (?) to be a mother. A MOTHER!! Fuck! I'm responsible to keep two humans alive … and have them grow up not to be assholes! What????
I'm not even kidding you. It all of a sudden has hit me that I'm and adult. And a mother. It has taken 13+ years but it's finally it me. And it scares the shit out of me!
So! How's it going half way to 50? Thinking I now need therapy *lol*
In the other regard I have to say I'm pretty happy with where I am. No, I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be weight wise but I REALLY think this year is more mental than physical.
Case in point. Yesterday I was surrounded by fresh, warm pastries that my neighbour brought over. Ya, I decided to have one and ya, I enjoyed it. No, I didn't beat myself up. Win! I DID slide a little more by having an unhealthy dinner of hamburger/Kraft Dinner casserole with the family. Guilt? No. Win! Did I feel like crap all night? Sure did. Gotta keep remembering that BEFORE I eat it. So today I got up and am starving. SO didn't want a shake. ALMOST went to the "oh well - it's the weekend. Likely eating out tonight with the family, wasn't great yesterday so why waste $4 on a shake for breakfast" mentality.
Bitch slapped myself.
Ate a banana, a hardboiled egg and a protein shake.
How'm I coin half way to 50?
Very well, thank you. I've got this.
Gott run - TTYS xo
Tam
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
It Wasn't That Bad ….
Hey Girlfriend …
Just a quick one to say "Ya know …. my perception really is usually much worse than my reality". I PERCEIVED I was totally "blowing it" with my eating over the holidays but the reality is that it / I wan't all that bad!
Tuesday I had to put on my jeans. You know, to actually LEAVE the house. I was kinda mortified at the thought, assuming I'd have to leave them unzipped and wear a long, frumpy sweater to hide my knickers. I was pleasantly surprised that I got them done up … and that, after wearing them for an hour, hadn't passed out due to lack of blood flow to any part of my body! Sure they were snug, but I could go out in public.
Tuesday I got "back on track" and am thrilled at how much better I feel already. Not bloated or stuffed.
Yesterday the girls and I had our volunteer session at the Humane Society. Again, not thrilled I needed to be presentable for HOURS but had to wear the jeans. I was THRILLED that they weren't nearly as binding! I wore them from 8:00 am until 5:00 pm before throwing on my "comfort wear".
Weighed myself today (just to get an idea of where I am and where I want to be) … 194.8. Hm. Not too bad! Only 2-3 pounds from where I was. MUCH better than the 198.6 I was just a few days ago. Just goes to show that most of the gain is water and the tight clothes re due to bloating.
Feeling better and more motivated by the day. Came VERY close to stumbling a few times yesterday but dug deep, focused on my "why?" and closed the fridge door.
One day at a time ….
Have a great one! TTYS
xox Tam
Just a quick one to say "Ya know …. my perception really is usually much worse than my reality". I PERCEIVED I was totally "blowing it" with my eating over the holidays but the reality is that it / I wan't all that bad!
Tuesday I had to put on my jeans. You know, to actually LEAVE the house. I was kinda mortified at the thought, assuming I'd have to leave them unzipped and wear a long, frumpy sweater to hide my knickers. I was pleasantly surprised that I got them done up … and that, after wearing them for an hour, hadn't passed out due to lack of blood flow to any part of my body! Sure they were snug, but I could go out in public.
Tuesday I got "back on track" and am thrilled at how much better I feel already. Not bloated or stuffed.
Yesterday the girls and I had our volunteer session at the Humane Society. Again, not thrilled I needed to be presentable for HOURS but had to wear the jeans. I was THRILLED that they weren't nearly as binding! I wore them from 8:00 am until 5:00 pm before throwing on my "comfort wear".
Weighed myself today (just to get an idea of where I am and where I want to be) … 194.8. Hm. Not too bad! Only 2-3 pounds from where I was. MUCH better than the 198.6 I was just a few days ago. Just goes to show that most of the gain is water and the tight clothes re due to bloating.
Feeling better and more motivated by the day. Came VERY close to stumbling a few times yesterday but dug deep, focused on my "why?" and closed the fridge door.
One day at a time ….
Have a great one! TTYS
xox Tam
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Plan.
Hey Girlfriend!
Happy New Year :)
I wasn't planning on posting for a few weeks but figured I could use a bit of a chat. I've had a tough week so thought I'd share. Can't just share the successes and good-stuff, right? That's not reality - at least not for me. This is a journey and sure, Ill have "off days/weeks". It's all about learning from them, dusting myself off and carrying on,.
I REALLY struggled with healthy choices the last few weeks. I was stress/comfort eating. I KNEW I was doing it. I new it would hurt me mentally yet I continued to do it. I won't go into all the fine details of it. Suffice it to say that when you become a mom "they" tell you "it's all worth it" and "the good outweighs the bad". They DON'T tell you how many times you will cry yourself to sleep with heartache. The times you so desperately want to help your babies and take away THEIR heartache, stress, anxiety, pain … but you can't. All you can do is be there for them, listen to them, hold them while they cry. (Damn. Now I'm welling up again! Thought I was "better". Ugh!)
Of course with Christmas treats all over the house it was hard to eat clean. It was the worst about 2 weeks ago - butter tarts, baklava, cookies, fudge. I binged a few days but have slowly managed to cut back more and more each day.
I've also struggled with the lack or routine. Craig was off all last week. The kids have been sleeping in VERY late - heck, most days we don't see Alicia until after 12:00 … a few times it has been closer to 1:00! That throws SUCH a wrench into my day. I don't walk the dog as early, I don't make noise - I just sit … and waste time … which sets the tone for the whole day.
I've done a lot of work mentally the last few days but it has been tough. I honestly haven't liked what I see in the mirror. I'm TRYING to be kind to myself and I'm not beating myself up or anything I just simply don't like what I see. I'm not talking about the size of my thighs (although I did go shopping last week and really do need to step up the exercise gig!) No, what I'm talking about is the whole package. I see a middle aged woman. I see my lines deepening, my skin getting duller, my hair getting more grey. I'm getting older. That's not news to me. The problem is that, until recently, I've never SEEN that I'm getting older. I feel like I've been sneak-attacked and BAM - THERE she is! THERE is the "older" me. I'm REALLY struggling with it. My reflection just doesn't match my self image in my head. In my head I'm still so young! I'm not even in my 30's mentally - I'm still in me TEENS! I still think and act like a kid most of the time and every now and then I look up and am surprised to realize that I AM old enough to be a wife and mother. It really is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I'M responsible for keeping two small humans ALIVE, let alone raising them to be decent human beings! When did I get "old"??
This misalignment of what I feel vs what I see seems to have brought me down. Add to that VERY little sleep lately (thank you change-of life … yet another affirmation that I'm not as young as I think I am!) and you have a recipe for emotional eating.
Now. Enough of the pity party. It is what it is. Eating my body weight in chocolate macaroons s only going to ADD to the problem. I know that. Every day I start anew. Every day I START the day motivated and planning to eat healthy. EVERY day I have a protein shake. Every day I do well … until about 11:24 *lol*. With the family home I haven;t been able to resist sitting with them and eating at lunch time. That's not bad … and generally speaking I have a healthy lunch … but it just seems to open to the door a wee crack to things sliding from there … and they did. Come dinner I would over eat. Again, it wasn't so much BAD food, just too much. I would recognize that I was eating too much and that would bring me down .. and the door would open wider. That would lead to evening binging. Popcorn, chips with dip, cookies. Any and/or all of it. I would go to bed sad and disappointed that I wasn't "stronger" and felt I had failed. Again.
Geez - depressed yet? *lol*. I'm bringing MYSELF down this morning! Man!
Now don't be messaging me telling me not to bet myself up. I'm NOT beating myself up. I'm just being raw and honest. I accept myself the way I am I just don't LIKE it! Does that make sense?
I'e been slowly clawing my way back to healthy choices, stumbling a BIT the last few days but getting better EVERY day. Last night I went to bed and, for the first time in about 3 weeks, I felt good about my choices and my stomach felt light, not bloated and, when I was laying down, "in". It felt great. Im hoping to build on that GOOD feeling and have a stronger, healthier day today. It will help that Craig is back at work. I had to get up at 6:15 am as I'm watching my neighbours boy this week. It's only for half an hour (7:00 - 7:30 am) but it was good in that it got me up, showered, dressed (in JEANS not Sweetlegs!) and ready to start my day. I'm off to a great start already.
So! The title of my post is "plan". As you may have seen on my Facebook page, I have a "word" every year. One word. That one word helps me focus my time, priorities and actions throughout the year. Well, that's the idea, anyway. Past years I have had "enjoy", "grow", "breathe". This year I have changed it about 5 times already *lol*. I started with "less". Work LESS, stress LESS, eat LESS, procrastinate LESS. I realized quite quickly, though, that LESS seemed like dry negative word and it wasn't working for me. I bounced around a few others - simplify, focus, relax, moderation. I finally settled on one that is already working well for me. PLAN. I think last year I really floundered a lot. I didn't have a clear focus of what I was doing or why. I wasted a LOT of time. I wandered from room to room but didn't rely DO anything. My word was "breathe" and I was trying to be relaxed and "go with the flow" but now, in hindsight, it really didn't work for me. PLAN is more of an action word for me - something I can sink my teeth into. Something I can DO.
Yesterday I started to plan my meals for the week. I didn't nail down meals for the family yet but I did prep some healthy food for myself. I made a pot of quinoa, which I will have one hand for dinner every night. I cookers some spaghettis squash and roasted some broccoli and parsnips. I PLAN to have chicken or fish every night this week and I PLAN to do a cleanse next week. I PLAN to do some light exercise this week, being VERY careful not to overdo it as my back is pretty inflamed right now.
I glanced at the calendar. Next week I'm half way through the year to 50 years old. I'm 26 weeks in and nowhere NEAR where I wanted to be weight wise at this point. I think that's good. I think one year was too far ahead to see what I needed to do. With 26 weeks ahead I can break things down into smaller pieces with a better PLAN to get there. I PLAN to now focus on one week at a time and yes, I think I WILL start weighing myself every week. My focus is changing from healthy eating to losing weight. Hopefully it won't fuck with my brain too much to focus on the number again but I think I need that accountability and measure to see that I'm on track. "Going with the flow" isn't how I roll. I need a strong plan with measurable results. I think. lmao - wow - I think I'm a bit of a hot mess this morning! hee hee - sometimes I just have to shake my head at myself and laugh. Over-think things much?
OK - I'm getting sick of my own rambling now and my fingers are getting sore so I'll sign off. The PLAN is to have a shake for breakfast and protein bar for lunch every day this week. Snacks are oranges and cucumbers and a reasonable dinners without overeating. As I keep telling myself the last few days "It's ok to be a little hungry!". I'm off to buy groceries shortly. Only healthy options will be bought (I have successfully purged the house of al temptation - Craig took the last of the treats to work today and the fridge is BARE!)
I hope you had a great holiday rest. I'm loping forward to a successful year - and to seeing you soon.
Thanks for listening - love you Girlfriend!
Tam
Happy New Year :)
I wasn't planning on posting for a few weeks but figured I could use a bit of a chat. I've had a tough week so thought I'd share. Can't just share the successes and good-stuff, right? That's not reality - at least not for me. This is a journey and sure, Ill have "off days/weeks". It's all about learning from them, dusting myself off and carrying on,.
I REALLY struggled with healthy choices the last few weeks. I was stress/comfort eating. I KNEW I was doing it. I new it would hurt me mentally yet I continued to do it. I won't go into all the fine details of it. Suffice it to say that when you become a mom "they" tell you "it's all worth it" and "the good outweighs the bad". They DON'T tell you how many times you will cry yourself to sleep with heartache. The times you so desperately want to help your babies and take away THEIR heartache, stress, anxiety, pain … but you can't. All you can do is be there for them, listen to them, hold them while they cry. (Damn. Now I'm welling up again! Thought I was "better". Ugh!)
Of course with Christmas treats all over the house it was hard to eat clean. It was the worst about 2 weeks ago - butter tarts, baklava, cookies, fudge. I binged a few days but have slowly managed to cut back more and more each day.
I've also struggled with the lack or routine. Craig was off all last week. The kids have been sleeping in VERY late - heck, most days we don't see Alicia until after 12:00 … a few times it has been closer to 1:00! That throws SUCH a wrench into my day. I don't walk the dog as early, I don't make noise - I just sit … and waste time … which sets the tone for the whole day.
I've done a lot of work mentally the last few days but it has been tough. I honestly haven't liked what I see in the mirror. I'm TRYING to be kind to myself and I'm not beating myself up or anything I just simply don't like what I see. I'm not talking about the size of my thighs (although I did go shopping last week and really do need to step up the exercise gig!) No, what I'm talking about is the whole package. I see a middle aged woman. I see my lines deepening, my skin getting duller, my hair getting more grey. I'm getting older. That's not news to me. The problem is that, until recently, I've never SEEN that I'm getting older. I feel like I've been sneak-attacked and BAM - THERE she is! THERE is the "older" me. I'm REALLY struggling with it. My reflection just doesn't match my self image in my head. In my head I'm still so young! I'm not even in my 30's mentally - I'm still in me TEENS! I still think and act like a kid most of the time and every now and then I look up and am surprised to realize that I AM old enough to be a wife and mother. It really is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I'M responsible for keeping two small humans ALIVE, let alone raising them to be decent human beings! When did I get "old"??
This misalignment of what I feel vs what I see seems to have brought me down. Add to that VERY little sleep lately (thank you change-of life … yet another affirmation that I'm not as young as I think I am!) and you have a recipe for emotional eating.
Now. Enough of the pity party. It is what it is. Eating my body weight in chocolate macaroons s only going to ADD to the problem. I know that. Every day I start anew. Every day I START the day motivated and planning to eat healthy. EVERY day I have a protein shake. Every day I do well … until about 11:24 *lol*. With the family home I haven;t been able to resist sitting with them and eating at lunch time. That's not bad … and generally speaking I have a healthy lunch … but it just seems to open to the door a wee crack to things sliding from there … and they did. Come dinner I would over eat. Again, it wasn't so much BAD food, just too much. I would recognize that I was eating too much and that would bring me down .. and the door would open wider. That would lead to evening binging. Popcorn, chips with dip, cookies. Any and/or all of it. I would go to bed sad and disappointed that I wasn't "stronger" and felt I had failed. Again.
Geez - depressed yet? *lol*. I'm bringing MYSELF down this morning! Man!
Now don't be messaging me telling me not to bet myself up. I'm NOT beating myself up. I'm just being raw and honest. I accept myself the way I am I just don't LIKE it! Does that make sense?
I'e been slowly clawing my way back to healthy choices, stumbling a BIT the last few days but getting better EVERY day. Last night I went to bed and, for the first time in about 3 weeks, I felt good about my choices and my stomach felt light, not bloated and, when I was laying down, "in". It felt great. Im hoping to build on that GOOD feeling and have a stronger, healthier day today. It will help that Craig is back at work. I had to get up at 6:15 am as I'm watching my neighbours boy this week. It's only for half an hour (7:00 - 7:30 am) but it was good in that it got me up, showered, dressed (in JEANS not Sweetlegs!) and ready to start my day. I'm off to a great start already.
So! The title of my post is "plan". As you may have seen on my Facebook page, I have a "word" every year. One word. That one word helps me focus my time, priorities and actions throughout the year. Well, that's the idea, anyway. Past years I have had "enjoy", "grow", "breathe". This year I have changed it about 5 times already *lol*. I started with "less". Work LESS, stress LESS, eat LESS, procrastinate LESS. I realized quite quickly, though, that LESS seemed like dry negative word and it wasn't working for me. I bounced around a few others - simplify, focus, relax, moderation. I finally settled on one that is already working well for me. PLAN. I think last year I really floundered a lot. I didn't have a clear focus of what I was doing or why. I wasted a LOT of time. I wandered from room to room but didn't rely DO anything. My word was "breathe" and I was trying to be relaxed and "go with the flow" but now, in hindsight, it really didn't work for me. PLAN is more of an action word for me - something I can sink my teeth into. Something I can DO.
Yesterday I started to plan my meals for the week. I didn't nail down meals for the family yet but I did prep some healthy food for myself. I made a pot of quinoa, which I will have one hand for dinner every night. I cookers some spaghettis squash and roasted some broccoli and parsnips. I PLAN to have chicken or fish every night this week and I PLAN to do a cleanse next week. I PLAN to do some light exercise this week, being VERY careful not to overdo it as my back is pretty inflamed right now.
I glanced at the calendar. Next week I'm half way through the year to 50 years old. I'm 26 weeks in and nowhere NEAR where I wanted to be weight wise at this point. I think that's good. I think one year was too far ahead to see what I needed to do. With 26 weeks ahead I can break things down into smaller pieces with a better PLAN to get there. I PLAN to now focus on one week at a time and yes, I think I WILL start weighing myself every week. My focus is changing from healthy eating to losing weight. Hopefully it won't fuck with my brain too much to focus on the number again but I think I need that accountability and measure to see that I'm on track. "Going with the flow" isn't how I roll. I need a strong plan with measurable results. I think. lmao - wow - I think I'm a bit of a hot mess this morning! hee hee - sometimes I just have to shake my head at myself and laugh. Over-think things much?
OK - I'm getting sick of my own rambling now and my fingers are getting sore so I'll sign off. The PLAN is to have a shake for breakfast and protein bar for lunch every day this week. Snacks are oranges and cucumbers and a reasonable dinners without overeating. As I keep telling myself the last few days "It's ok to be a little hungry!". I'm off to buy groceries shortly. Only healthy options will be bought (I have successfully purged the house of al temptation - Craig took the last of the treats to work today and the fridge is BARE!)
I hope you had a great holiday rest. I'm loping forward to a successful year - and to seeing you soon.
Thanks for listening - love you Girlfriend!
Tam
Thursday, December 29, 2016
It's a New Day
Hey Girlfriend!
Happy Between-Christmas-and-New-Year!
I COULD ramble on and on and on … but I'm not gunna. Not very chatty these days (I know - NOT my norm! *lol*).
Let's just draw a line under the last two weeks.
Let's just recognize that Christmas is Christmas and (thank God) it's only once a year.
Let's just say I thoroughly enjoyed my butter tarts … and cookies … and fudge … and Craig's baklava … and chocolates … and egg nog … and bacon.
Let's just say I'm THRILLED that I no longer beat myself up over the not-so-good choices. Those were yesterday, those are over.
Let's just say Today is a New Day.
I had a bit of a pity party yesterday. Lack of sleep and achy body had me in a FOWL mood. This morning I bitch slapped myself. I made the choices. The unhealthy choices. Did I relaly expect good results from bad decisions? Did I really expect to maintain when eating my bodyweight in butter and fat? Did I really expect my jeans to fit the same as they did 2 weeks ago.
Seriously.
It's a New Day.
I got some good sleep. I DECIDED to get a grip. I DECIDED to have a better attitude and I DECIDED to do better.
In 3 weeks I'm going to Toronto for a conference.
This morning my jeans are cutting off the circulation to my belly button.
This morning I weighed myself.
This morning I was 198.6 pounds.
This morning I'm starting anew.
This morning I am not just going with "Just for Today I Choose" as my mantra. This morning I am going with "Just for this HOUR I choose".
3 weeks.
Watch this space.
Have an inspired day My Friend.
I'll touch base in 2 weeks.
Tam
Happy Between-Christmas-and-New-Year!
I COULD ramble on and on and on … but I'm not gunna. Not very chatty these days (I know - NOT my norm! *lol*).
Let's just draw a line under the last two weeks.
Let's just recognize that Christmas is Christmas and (thank God) it's only once a year.
Let's just say I thoroughly enjoyed my butter tarts … and cookies … and fudge … and Craig's baklava … and chocolates … and egg nog … and bacon.
Let's just say I'm THRILLED that I no longer beat myself up over the not-so-good choices. Those were yesterday, those are over.
Let's just say Today is a New Day.
I had a bit of a pity party yesterday. Lack of sleep and achy body had me in a FOWL mood. This morning I bitch slapped myself. I made the choices. The unhealthy choices. Did I relaly expect good results from bad decisions? Did I really expect to maintain when eating my bodyweight in butter and fat? Did I really expect my jeans to fit the same as they did 2 weeks ago.
Seriously.
It's a New Day.
I got some good sleep. I DECIDED to get a grip. I DECIDED to have a better attitude and I DECIDED to do better.
In 3 weeks I'm going to Toronto for a conference.
This morning my jeans are cutting off the circulation to my belly button.
This morning I weighed myself.
This morning I was 198.6 pounds.
This morning I'm starting anew.
This morning I am not just going with "Just for Today I Choose" as my mantra. This morning I am going with "Just for this HOUR I choose".
3 weeks.
Watch this space.
Have an inspired day My Friend.
I'll touch base in 2 weeks.
Tam
Friday, December 16, 2016
Tis the Season ...
Hey Girlfriend!
Almost read for Christmas? I am and I'm not. All the shopping had been done since Dec 1 but I can't start the wrapping until I get those 90 Christmas cards in the mail! I'm done about 60 of them. I'll get the rest done this morning so I can move on!
Now. Let's get real. Healthy Living? Ya no. Quite the shit show going on this week, I have to admit! I KNEW it was a mistake to do all that yummy baking with the girls last weekend. Ugh. I THOUGHT I could do it. I THOUGHT I could have cookies, marshmallow logs and butter tarts in the house and resist. I was wrong. WTF is WRONG with me???? I DO find the psychology of it all very interesting. I start the day off right. Every. Single. Morning. I have a nutritious shake. I am proud of myself and have grand visions of working out, eating right and staying in control. I actually DID work out twice this week. Monday and Tuesday. Lunch rolls around. I have a healthy one. Then, around 3:00 the kids are home. Two day in a row they didn't eat their marshmallow rolls … so I did. Then dinner happens. I eat my dinner … too MUCH dinner … then I have a butter tart … and maybe a cookie. Well … why stop now? Might as well have a handful of M&M's. Did someone say popcorn? I'm in!
Sigh.
Yesterday I was better. Had a wee chat with myself. Do NOT wanna gain back the 10 I lost this year so I reeled it in. I was still far from perfect. I still overate at dinner but I resisted all the baking. "Just for Today", I kept telling myself. Around 8:00 I was trolling through the pantry for something yummy. I had an Isagenix chocolate instead of the butter tart. Just for today.
Today I feel stronger, knowing I made better choices yesterday. Again, the psychology interests me. When the downward slide starts it picks up momentum and I (use to) slide for a week … or a month. Now I recognize the slide and CHOOSE to stop it. Sure, it took me two days to stop it but it's better than a week or a month. Once I start the UPWARD slide (by that I don't mean a tedious uphill climb but rather a positive slide) it TOO gains momentum. Yesterday was tough but I was strong … and today I feel stronger. SO much of success is in our self-talk and attitude. I have been a little harder on myself this week when I look in the mirror. I'm very wide! That is the truth … but I recognize it as fact .. then say something nice to myself about my curves … realize thousands of women would love to have these curves!
So today … just for today … I'm going to do my best. I'm going to try to avoid the treats and drink my water. I'm going to try to make healthy choices … but I'm also going to enjoy the season without the guilt. I do plan to have popcorn with a movie tonight with the family. I do plan to have some "naughty food" at the Open House we're going to on Sunday. But I also plan to be kind to myself. I plan to plan moderation … and I plan to maintain. i'm not chucking in the towel and I WILL do better in the new year. Until then I plan to enjoy and give myself a break.
I hope you are enjoying the run up to Christmas! It only happens once a year (I'm a little glad about that *lol*) Stay warm, Girlfriend and I'll ttys xoxo
Tam
Almost read for Christmas? I am and I'm not. All the shopping had been done since Dec 1 but I can't start the wrapping until I get those 90 Christmas cards in the mail! I'm done about 60 of them. I'll get the rest done this morning so I can move on!
Now. Let's get real. Healthy Living? Ya no. Quite the shit show going on this week, I have to admit! I KNEW it was a mistake to do all that yummy baking with the girls last weekend. Ugh. I THOUGHT I could do it. I THOUGHT I could have cookies, marshmallow logs and butter tarts in the house and resist. I was wrong. WTF is WRONG with me???? I DO find the psychology of it all very interesting. I start the day off right. Every. Single. Morning. I have a nutritious shake. I am proud of myself and have grand visions of working out, eating right and staying in control. I actually DID work out twice this week. Monday and Tuesday. Lunch rolls around. I have a healthy one. Then, around 3:00 the kids are home. Two day in a row they didn't eat their marshmallow rolls … so I did. Then dinner happens. I eat my dinner … too MUCH dinner … then I have a butter tart … and maybe a cookie. Well … why stop now? Might as well have a handful of M&M's. Did someone say popcorn? I'm in!
Sigh.
Yesterday I was better. Had a wee chat with myself. Do NOT wanna gain back the 10 I lost this year so I reeled it in. I was still far from perfect. I still overate at dinner but I resisted all the baking. "Just for Today", I kept telling myself. Around 8:00 I was trolling through the pantry for something yummy. I had an Isagenix chocolate instead of the butter tart. Just for today.
Today I feel stronger, knowing I made better choices yesterday. Again, the psychology interests me. When the downward slide starts it picks up momentum and I (use to) slide for a week … or a month. Now I recognize the slide and CHOOSE to stop it. Sure, it took me two days to stop it but it's better than a week or a month. Once I start the UPWARD slide (by that I don't mean a tedious uphill climb but rather a positive slide) it TOO gains momentum. Yesterday was tough but I was strong … and today I feel stronger. SO much of success is in our self-talk and attitude. I have been a little harder on myself this week when I look in the mirror. I'm very wide! That is the truth … but I recognize it as fact .. then say something nice to myself about my curves … realize thousands of women would love to have these curves!
So today … just for today … I'm going to do my best. I'm going to try to avoid the treats and drink my water. I'm going to try to make healthy choices … but I'm also going to enjoy the season without the guilt. I do plan to have popcorn with a movie tonight with the family. I do plan to have some "naughty food" at the Open House we're going to on Sunday. But I also plan to be kind to myself. I plan to plan moderation … and I plan to maintain. i'm not chucking in the towel and I WILL do better in the new year. Until then I plan to enjoy and give myself a break.
I hope you are enjoying the run up to Christmas! It only happens once a year (I'm a little glad about that *lol*) Stay warm, Girlfriend and I'll ttys xoxo
Tam
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Just Keep Swimming ...
Hey Girlfriend!
Figured it was high time I posted! … plus I'm procrastinating on what I SHOULD be doing, which is prepping for my kid's class in a few hours. Meh. It'll get done!
So! How am I doing? Pretty good, I'd say. Did I hit my goal of 187 by Dec 1st? Nope. Not even close. Weighed myself this morning. 192.8. Am I happy? Yup. Very! Why? A few reasons. The main one is that I'm MAINTAINING! Why I'm happy about THAT is because I've been slipping a bit - at least in my mind. By maintaining it's allowing me to let go of the beating-myself-up-for-having-a-cookie mentality I've had for so many years. I'm allowing myself the odd nibble or treat here and there. I'm VERY proud that I have a LITTLE. Not 5 cookies (which happened in the past more than I would like to admit!) but ONE cookie. Or ONE chocolate .. controlled. I enjoy and then move on. Every morning I have a "new" day clean piece of paper. I almost always have my shake for breakfast. If I'm home I have a healthy lunch - if not a protein bar. I'm slipping on my pre-dinner snacking (eating the kids' lunch leftovers .. which really is gross, when I think about it …) and I overeat at dinner. I eat my HEALTHY dinner … but can't seem to resist the kids uneaten food. Again - gross. On the bright side, despite me eating too much it is still much less than in the past. Where I get disappointed in myself is that the kids' food isn't the healthy choice. Better for me to eat more quinoa than the kids' breaded chicken strip. Again - not disastrous and at least I recognize the error of my ways *lol*. I know, a gal can't live on kale and quinoa alone … but there is not good reason for me to be eating what I am. I'm not hungry and, truth be told, it usually isn't even that tasty! I do like the clean foods! Heck, yesterday I made fried zucchini in some olive oil with Craig's home-grow garlic, salt and pepper. Had two eggs to go with it. De-LICIOUS! It's odd that I'm "good" when I'm alone but "Naughty" when the family is around. I'm sure a psychologist would have a few thoughts on THAT! *lol*
So! What's the plan for December? Well - there will definitely be a few "cheats". Going for lunch next week with friends, movie ad drinks with friends and baking tarts. Craig will be making his baklava and .. well … on it goes. It's Christmas. I'm gunna enjoy. My goal is to MAINTAIN through it all! I just got my new Country Heat DVD (for the send time - the first one got lost somewhere in the house somewhere before I even OPENED it!). I'm excited to try it out … and Becca said she'd do it with me.
I'm moving more, eating healthier and feeling pretty good overall. Think my hormones are all OVER the place with pre-menapause … given Aunt Flo hasn't been around for a few months so pretty sure that's going to stall any real gain, despite any efforts to lose.
Whatever. January always brings me 2 or 3 months of free time in the morning so I plan to exercise a lot more. Only 30 weeks until the big 5-0 … would like to be down at least 30 pounds by then. It's a tall order so I need to dig deeper very soon!
Gotta run - time to take Leeshy to school.
Have a great day. Stay warm - TTYS xo
Tam
Figured it was high time I posted! … plus I'm procrastinating on what I SHOULD be doing, which is prepping for my kid's class in a few hours. Meh. It'll get done!
So! How am I doing? Pretty good, I'd say. Did I hit my goal of 187 by Dec 1st? Nope. Not even close. Weighed myself this morning. 192.8. Am I happy? Yup. Very! Why? A few reasons. The main one is that I'm MAINTAINING! Why I'm happy about THAT is because I've been slipping a bit - at least in my mind. By maintaining it's allowing me to let go of the beating-myself-up-for-having-a-cookie mentality I've had for so many years. I'm allowing myself the odd nibble or treat here and there. I'm VERY proud that I have a LITTLE. Not 5 cookies (which happened in the past more than I would like to admit!) but ONE cookie. Or ONE chocolate .. controlled. I enjoy and then move on. Every morning I have a "new" day clean piece of paper. I almost always have my shake for breakfast. If I'm home I have a healthy lunch - if not a protein bar. I'm slipping on my pre-dinner snacking (eating the kids' lunch leftovers .. which really is gross, when I think about it …) and I overeat at dinner. I eat my HEALTHY dinner … but can't seem to resist the kids uneaten food. Again - gross. On the bright side, despite me eating too much it is still much less than in the past. Where I get disappointed in myself is that the kids' food isn't the healthy choice. Better for me to eat more quinoa than the kids' breaded chicken strip. Again - not disastrous and at least I recognize the error of my ways *lol*. I know, a gal can't live on kale and quinoa alone … but there is not good reason for me to be eating what I am. I'm not hungry and, truth be told, it usually isn't even that tasty! I do like the clean foods! Heck, yesterday I made fried zucchini in some olive oil with Craig's home-grow garlic, salt and pepper. Had two eggs to go with it. De-LICIOUS! It's odd that I'm "good" when I'm alone but "Naughty" when the family is around. I'm sure a psychologist would have a few thoughts on THAT! *lol*
I'm moving more, eating healthier and feeling pretty good overall. Think my hormones are all OVER the place with pre-menapause … given Aunt Flo hasn't been around for a few months so pretty sure that's going to stall any real gain, despite any efforts to lose.
Whatever. January always brings me 2 or 3 months of free time in the morning so I plan to exercise a lot more. Only 30 weeks until the big 5-0 … would like to be down at least 30 pounds by then. It's a tall order so I need to dig deeper very soon!
Gotta run - time to take Leeshy to school.
Have a great day. Stay warm - TTYS xo
Tam
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