Half Way There!

Hey Girlfriend!

Just a quick one as I'm running out the door in 10 to do some stampin' (woo hoo!)

Just glanced at the calendar and see I wrote (1/2 way to 50).  Fuck.  *lol*

How do I feel about that?  Not so great, gotta tell ya!

I've been going through some sort of mid-life crisis this month.  I imagine part of it is hormones as I limp ever-closer to that wonderful new stage of life called menopause (fuck again,)  More than that, though, I've been REALLY struggling with this "50" number!  I'm truly shocked that it's weighing on me!!!  I have NEVER been a number girl in that regard.  I think having kids so late in life and having the maturity led of a 16 year old has always sheltered me from being in my late 40's mentally.  Well!  This 50 just seems to be sinking in!  If I'm 50 then I MUST be an adult.  I MUST be old enough to be a  wife.  I MUST be old enough / mature enough (?) to be a mother.  A MOTHER!!  Fuck!  I'm responsible to keep two humans alive … and have them grow up not to be assholes!  What????

I'm not even kidding you.  It all of a sudden has hit me that I'm and adult.  And a mother.  It has taken 13+ years but it's finally it me.  And it scares the shit out of me!

So!  How's it going half way to 50?  Thinking I now need therapy *lol*

In the other regard I have to say I'm pretty happy with where I am.  No, I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be weight wise but I REALLY think this year is more mental than physical.

Case in point.  Yesterday I was surrounded by fresh, warm pastries that my neighbour brought over.  Ya, I decided to have one and ya, I enjoyed it.  No, I didn't beat myself up.  Win!  I DID slide a little more by having an unhealthy dinner of hamburger/Kraft Dinner casserole with the family.  Guilt?  No.  Win!  Did I feel like crap all night?  Sure did.  Gotta keep remembering that BEFORE I eat it.  So today I got up and am starving.  SO didn't want a shake.  ALMOST went to the "oh well - it's the weekend.  Likely eating out tonight with the family, wasn't great yesterday so why waste $4 on a shake for breakfast" mentality.

Bitch slapped myself.

Ate a banana, a hardboiled egg and a protein shake.

How'm I coin half way to 50?

Very well, thank you.  I've got this.

Gott run - TTYS  xo


Tam