Feeling Great Again!

Hey Girlfriend!

Woke up feeling great this morning.  About time!  Oh sure, my back still aches a little (but had a DEVINE massage yesterday to help it a lot) and ya, my feet still bark if I don't wear my shoes to the bathroom but I feel really great.  "Why, Tam?" I hear you cry!  Well … a few reasons, really.

I suppose the MAIN one is I feel in control again.  Control of the household (Craig is back at work this week so I'm getting a BIT of routine back), control of my schedule (My "One Touch Rule" was a great success and has me feeling less overwhelmed) and control of my eating/healthy living.  Now that last one has a number of things that have me feeling great.  a) I feel great MENTALLY!  I am not a 5 year old - I CAN control myself and I AM controlling myself b) The controlling what I put in my mouth had me waking up this morning with my stomach feeling very flat (well, when I'm laying down obviously!) and not bloated and c) the scale confirmed that eating properly for just TWO DAYS has a hug impact on my …. well, we'll say weight but more than that, how my body processes the food.  Yes, I weighed myself this morning.  I don't know why, really … I weighed myself Monday, remember?  Ya - 201.4 pounds of awesomeness *lol*  (Oh … as an aside … yesterday was the 14 year anniversary of when I found out I was pregnant with Rebecca.  I was reading parts of the diary I kept that year and discovered that when I went into labor with her I was 212 pounds.  Oh.  Great.  So I'm 10.5 pounds less than when I was full term with a human being inside of me.  I say again.  Great.  *lol*)  … but I digress …

Yesterday, after eating well for just 24 hours, I felt like my pants were looser when I was walking Koda (another aside - I walked further than usual yesterday - thank you feet!).  This morning, after eating well for 48 hours I felt lighter.  Now you have to understand that I.  Know.  My.  Body.  I can usually tell you within .2 of a pound how much I weigh.  No scale required.  YEARS of weighing myself multiple times a day have given me that super power thank you very much.  It's actually kind of creepy.  This morning I thought it was safe to test my "I don't weigh 200 pounds" theory and sure enough … 198.8.  Yes, I *may* have smiled a little … but I'm to just ailing because the number is under 200.  While that's great it just slaps me in the face with what I've been saying all along.  THE NUMBER ON THE SCALE IS IRRELEVANT! … another tangent here … stay with me …

When I was taking Rebecca to her psychologist to help her with her anxieties we were given a new tool.  We were told to "be a detective" and look at the facts.  Rebecca was terrified of throwing up at school so didn't want to eat.  The psychologist asked her how many days, approximately, in her life she had gone to school.  We did the math … about 200 days a year … times 5 years, so roughly 1,000 days.  How many times had she thrown up at school.  One.  So!  What are than chances that she will throw up at school tomorrow?  The tool worked quite well … be a detective.  Now, back to our story …

So I get on the scale and it is down 2.6 pounds in 2 days.  Should I get excited?  No.  I should not.  What does that 2.6 pounds MEAN?  Be a detective.  Did I burn and extra 3,500 calories each day (spa total of an EXTRA 7,000 calories) in two days to lose 2 pounds of fat?  No I did not.  Did I pee about 47 times a day due to drinking 3 litres of water per day when I had previously been drinking about half a litre a day?  Yes I did.  So what do our results tell us.  Well, the way I see it I lost 2.6 pounds of water.

So?  So the scale being down is NOT permission for me to have a cookie today.  It IS an indication that I am on the right track again and THAT is what needs celebrating, not the number.  My pants feel looser.  Yay!  My stomach is less bloated.  Yay!  I am mentally MUCH lighter.  Wa-hoo!  Log may it continue!

I realized something else last night.  In my epic healthy eating for just two days I have had very few healthy grains.  I've had carbs in the form of fruit and my protein shakes but I haven't had any rice, pasta, bread .. just a bit of quinoa on Monday.  The result?  I am WAY less gassy!  Craig was begging me t never make borscht again as I was stinking out the family with some epic-stinky farts … but I now realize I have had borscht for lunch the last two days but no gas.  Interesting!  Maybe I AM sensitive to gluten … or something else in wheat/grains.  I love that I'm making connections between my eating, digestion and how I feel.  I sure hope I can stay on this path.  I feel so much happier when I take care of myself!

So - Just for Today I Chose to …

• keep doing exactly what I'm doing

Oh … and a little trick I've been using when making dinner - 4:00 - 5:00 is my danger time - the time when I start mindlessly munching on stuff … when I catch myself standing in front of the open fridge or pantry door I turn on the kettle and make a cup of tea.  Half the time it goes cold and I totally forget to drink it but I distracts me enough to keep me from popping crap in my mouth that don't need … or even want!  Try it - it works!

OK - gotta run.  Off to chiro at 11:00 and need to walk Koda.

Have a FABULOUS day Girlfriend!  It's beautiful out!  Take a minute to stop and smell the roses for a few minutes today.  GINORMOUS hug!  xoxox

Tam

Let's Do That Again!

Morning Girlfriend!

Just popped in to say yesterday was a raging success!  I had most of my water finished by noon!  Not really sure how THAT happened given that I subsequently spent met of the morning heading to the bathroom but …

Today I will apply the same strategy but try to space it out a little better.  I don't think it really counts as getting a good, healthy dose of water in if all 3 litres are done in the first 3 hours of the day and then nothing more afterwards *lol*.  I didn't PLAN it that way it just happened … and I'm not really convinced I NEED that much water.  Aside from the fact that I'll pee every time I sneeze if I keep up that amount I'm not sure it serves much purpose when I'm obviously hydrated (pee is clear - not yellow at all!) and is just going right through me.  (Over-share, I'm sure but hey - you know me … no topic of limits in Tamara-world!)

I DID plan to get my DVD in .. alas … I got pretty focused on getting things done with my "One Touch Rule" … essentially, if I touch something I have to DEAL with it.  That e-mail in my inbox?  Gotta deal with it.  That form that need filling out and mailing?  Gotta deal with it.  That vehicle recall notice?  Gotta deal with it.  I got SOOOO much done … and kinda forgot about the workout.  No worries - today :)

Was great on eating clean yesterday too!  Had my shake for breakfast, borscht for lunch and didn't even THINK of snacking until dinner prep.  Old habits die hard.  Wasn't really hungry per se but wanted to munch … so snacked on some raw cauliflower while making dinner.  I DID eat SLIGHTLY more than I should have.  I had 5 ounces of my grilled chicken and my fried zucchini (made into noodles with my "vegetti" cutter).  Resisted the corn and egg noodles I made for the family … until they were "full" … they offered me their few bites that were left … and I took them.  Argh!  Why do I DO that??  I didn't NEED it, I was totally satisfied with my dinner yet in my mouth it went.  Now granted, it wasn't high-calorie junk food but still - I didn't NEED it.  Gotta really dig deep on eating everyone else's garbage.  Seriously.  I've asked them before not to offer me what they don't eat … gotta reinforce that again.

So today I really plan to just "do it again" and try to be a little more mindful of portions.  Oh!  … I also didn't have popcorn at bed time.  I WAS hungry come 9:00 pm … and planned to have an apple … then I saw some grapes on the counter.  Grapes are like crack to me and I couldn't resist.  Again, a better choice than chocolate but grapes are so high in sugar … and I had a few earlier so I really should have opted for the apple.  Next time.

Today I choose to …

• get that water in but more spread out throughout the day
• do that pilates DVD
• prep my spaghetti squash to have on hand
• watch portions
• NOT EAT THE KIDS' LEFTOVERS!!

I get to go for a massage this afternoon.  Ask me how much I'm loving THAT idea??  Can't wait!

Hope you have a great day - TTYS  xox

Tam

New Strategy ...

Hey Girlfriend!

Would love to chat but seriously - need to get off this stupid computer and get some shit DONE today!!!  So short and sweet.

Weighed myself last Monday.  199.6 (I think).
Weighed myself today.  201.4.  For God's sake Tamara.  Get a grip!

I can't BELIEVE I'm not freaking out that the scale is actually over the 200 mark.  Seriously.  But I'm not.

Whatever.

Have I done well making healthier choices since I got back from holidays?

Actually I have!

The family had take out last week.  Subway.  Sure I could have had one … didn't want one!  Bought them theirs, took it home and had a big bowl of healthy borscht.

Yesterday for luck there was some EPIC spaghetti and sauce leftover from dinner.  Healthy, but pretty high carb and lots of oil in it … opted for fried zucchini and quinoa instead.

Resisted lots for things I would normally have eaten.

Success.

Scale doesn't say so, though.  I'm going with "water retention".  Is the scale higher this week?  Yes.  Did I eat 7,000 extra calories last week to gain 2 pounds of fat?  Nope.

Digging deeper and focusing more today as I can get a BIT more structure to my week with Craig being back at work (and next week will be even better with the kids back at school).

So!  Just for THIS WEEK I choose to …

• take my vitamins daily (was doing really well on this one until holidays - have totally forgotten for the last 2 weeks!)
• have a protein shake for breakfast (I have lots in the cupboard and want to start using up some of he healthy stuff I've got!)
• track my food in My Fitness Pal
• do my pilates DVD 3 times this week (seriously - it's only 17 minutes!!!)
• DRINK 3 LITRES OF WATER!!!!!!!!  This seems to be a hurdle I just can't get over … so new strategy … remeasuring 3 litres and leaving it on the counter!

That's it!  Nothing too new or earth shattering …. just the basics.

I've got this!

Gotta run (... have to pee from that first glass of water! lol ) …

TTYS  xo

Tam

Hanging in there ...

Hey Girlfriend!

Kinda miss our chats this week …. but not stressing over not posting.  It's a fine line between keeping my mind and focus on my goals and becoming a slave to them and/or obsessing over them so I'm trying to find a good balance on that.

I'm happy to report that I've been MUCH healthier since last week.  Oh sure, I've grabbed the odd "Nutter Butter" cookie (HAD to buy a *few* things in the States that we can't get here!) and yes, I took Alicia out for Vietnamese food Tuesday night BUT I was more disciplined than usual.  For once I didn't eat everything they gave me.  Yes, I should have stopped about 10 bites sooner but I'm making progress … we took our leftovers home.  Small success!

I got out for a walk with Koda yesterday too.  Haven't "formally" walked him since before holidays and with my foot problems have had to take it easy but yesterday we managed a short-route stroll.  My feet are much MUCH better than they were but I still have to be careful not to over-do it so shorter walks, in good shoes, is a must for now.

I'm feeling pretty good about everything this week.  Still a *little* stress eating due to Dad still being in the hospital but again, nothing too off-the-charts, which is good.  We still aren't sure what's "wrong" with Dad - got some test results yesterday which had the doctor say they couldn't find any reason for his dizziness and heart beat fluctuations.  He doesn't think a pacemaker is necessary and suggested Dad get a walker.  WTF???????  Seriously?  The man's heart beat drops down to 35 beats per minute and a WALKER is going to help with that??  His heart beat freaks out in the middle of the night setting alarms off and having staff running to his aid and everything is FINE?  Fuck.  SO not impressed!  I believe there is one more doctor to weigh in on an action plan.  He better have a better grip on things than the first doctor or they're going to have ME to answer to … and although my Mom can hold her own in a den of hungry lions they haven't had to to face ME when I'm riled.  Will NOT be pretty, I can promise you THAT!

Oh.  My.  Apparently I'm a little worked up now *lol*

So.  I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last week (when do not, right?)

I've said it before, I'll say it again.  I'm quite comfortable with my body these days.  I truly, truly am!  I know some people believe I'm just saying that … but I'm NOT just saying that.  Yes in the past I WOULD say that but deep down I really was just trying to convince myself I was comfortable.

Would I like to be thinner, lighter, smaller?  Ya, I guess if I'm being honest I would like to be.  If someone said they could wave a magic wand I could be my dream size/shape would my current size/shape be what I picked?  No.  I'd likely go for the 140 pound size 6 or 8.  Why?  WHY is that always the goal??  What's WRONG with being a curvy size 14 or 16 with hips and thighs to match the boobs?  What's WRONG with being 200 pounds?  Waaaaaaayyyyy back THAT was the desired size/shape/weight.  Being "bigger" meant you had wealth.  You could afford food and luxuries that the lower classes couldn't afford.  Bigger was better.  Things are different now.  NOW bigger means you are weak.  You don't have self control.  You're lazy.  You're unhealthy.  THAT'S what's wrong with being "bigger" these days.  I'm not fighting what I want to look like or eat, I'm fighting what THEY think I should look like or eat.  I'm worrying about what other people, STRANGERS, think about me! Why do I give a flying FUCK what people think about me??  DO I even KNOW what they are thinking?  NO!  I ASSUME I know!  Maybe I'm wrong!  Actually, something that was said to me yesterday has be realizing that I'm likely VERY wrong a large majority of the time!  I went for a much needed massage to help my feet as well as undo-the pains from *sleeping* in a recliner on holidays, and, as the masseuse was working on my hips she said (totally out of the blue) "so many women would kill to have your body type".  ???!!!  I almost fell off the table!  What?  I asked "What body type is that?"  She said wide hips, a small waist, balanced boobs …".  Oh!  Okayyyyy.  So here is a complete stranger.  Yes, she has noticed my features and processed that info enough to comment on them … but not in a negative way!  Was she lying?  No.  She certainly didn't HAVE to comment.  IF she was thinking negative things she could have just thought what she thought and not said a word … but she didn't.  Hmmmmm.  So.  If SHE looks at me and sees positive things could other people be thinking the same thing?  Could hundreds of women be looking at me and wishing they had my curves??  Could women larger than me be looking at me and wishing they were as "thin" as I am.

Yes.

A thousand times yes.

I'm fighting (dare I say SOCIETY is fighting) what other people think of them as much, or more, than what we think of ourselves.  I have been working very hard at ignoring what other people may or may not think about me.  How does that phrase go?  "What other people think of me is none of my business"?  It's true.  I think I'm pretty much there on not concerning myself with others' thoughts.  My MAIN struggle lately seems to be with me comparing myself to my YOUNGER me.  Now THAT is one that is going to take a bit more time but I'm getting there.  

I think I'll stop there for today.  I WILL do a post about just that - comparing myself to my younger self … and comparisons in general … but another day.  Have a few things I need to get on with today and I have a stamping session with some young stampers in a few hours so …

Just for today I chose …

• to drink my fucking water!!!!  Argh!  I seriously have had maybe 500 ml a day all week.  TODAY I WILL drink 2 litres of water!!

That's all!  That's all I'm committing to today.  Yes, I'll make mostly healthy food choices (I still have a HUGE bucket of low-calorie, delicious borscht in the fridge!) but water intake is my main goal today.  That and continuing to love myself just the way I am … cause size 8 or size 16 … I'm pretty awesome :)

Nice chatting with you, Girlfriend - TTYS!  xox

Tam

Let's Try This Again ...

Hey Girlfriend!

Yup I'm back from holidays.  Yup, I survived *lol*.  Having said that I'm VERY much looking forward to my massage and chiropractor appointments in 2 hours.  GAWD my back is killing me!  I *slept* in a recliner all week as the concrete slabs they called beds were NOT an option for getting more than 10 minutes of sleep!  On the bright side my feet aren't too bad.  I think not walking Koda for the week helped my muscles/fascia relax a bit.  Oh sure, if I stand or shop for more than about 30 minutes they start to bark at me but I'm definitely on the mend.  I'm positive today's appointments will help a lot.

So.  I don't have a lot of time (or energy) for a major ramble today.  I have SO much to do in the next week and a half.  Aside from back-to-school prep I have some major projects on the go, classes and volunteer work to plan and on top of everything else my dad is in the hospital :(

While we were away (and off the grid with no cell service unless we went 20 minutes into town) dad was having heart problems.  He's been there almost a week.  His heartbeat and blood pressure are all over the place so he's there getting lots of tests done.  My guess is he'll need a pacemaker but time will tell.  So my time and energy revolves around taking the girls to visit him (they are quite distressed over the whole thing), checking on mom and so on.

Needless to say between holidays and stress my health living has taken a bit of a beating.

While away my eating was a total shit show.  That's ok.  I expected it.  Maybe that's why I ate pretty much non-stop for 7 days.  I had given myself permission to … and I took full advantage of it.  I'm not upset about it.  I enjoyed it for the most part.  I know WHY I was doing it, really.  Firstly it was because I really don't "do nothing" well.  I always seem to need to do SOMETHING … so I ate.  Most of the time it was M&M peanuts … or chips.  Secondly it's because I don't smoke anymore.  Holidays and relaxing have been a part of every holiday for 25 years, barring the last two years.  I don't smoke anymore … so I substituted it with snacks.  Again.  All good.  I would much rather have to deal with extra weight than lung cancer.  Overeating isn't healthy but it's probably a little better than smoking - at least that's what I tell myself.

So we start again.

While away I tried to thin about moving forward and how that was going to look.  Again - I'll save that ramble for another day but let's just say I need a bit of a new approach.  My body is telling me that I NEED to lose some weight,  My legs just don't have any strength to them lately and I know that's from the extra weight I've gained.  It really is funny.  This is by FAR the heaviest I've ever weighed … but, as I've said before, I'm really quite okay with it!  That's HUGE for me!!  I don't LOVE the way I look but I seem to have embraced my curves and I certainly don't HATE the way I look.  I bought some great looking jeans on holidays and I was quite comfortable wearing a bathing suit that didn't hide my hips and thighs …

I decided I need to have one-week goals … and weigh-ins moving forward.  Whist I love the "just for today" mini commitments it seems to allow me to deviate from my goals with the "oh well, tomorrow is a new day" mentality.  I need to see real progress on the scale to know I'm *succeeding* in a bit of weight loss.

I weighed myself yesterday.  199.6 pounds.  Sigh.  Again - not too upset but I guess surprised - and disappointed.  Not really going the right direction now, am I?  Mentally I'm doing well (which was half the goal) but physically not-so-much.

Yesterday I made a HUGE vat of healthy, delicious borscht.  Since we've gotten home I've eaten a little more reasonably so I'm feeling positive about that.  I'm not going to commit to daily things this week - but I will commit to the week …

Just for this week I choose to …

• be very, VERY kind to myself
• no negative self talk
• do my best to make healthy choices
• healthy breakfasts, simple lunches, clean dinners
• TRY to have healthy snacks on hand for when I'm away from home
• TRY not to have processed food … but may allow myself a small popcorn if Alicia and I got to the movies
• TRY to drink a few litres of water a day

Next week I'll have my shit together a little better.  The kids go back to school Thursday so within the next 2 weeks life will get back into a routine - I'll start exercising again and have more time to focus on healthy.  Hopefully by then Dad's health will be sorted out and my stress levels will go down.  Stress inhibits weight loss so I'll be keeping that in mind too.  Gunna be a tough few weeks mentally but I will do my very best to do my very best … and if I stumble I will be kind and gentle with myself.  Just a little blip in the plan.

K.  Gotta run.  I likely won't post every day over the next few weeks - but now that I'm thinking about you and will post when I can.

Miss you Girlfriend - TTYS

Tam

Heading Off the Grid

Hey Girlfriend!

Oh look!  It's 4:05 am.  Sigh.  Need I say more?

Guess I forgot to post again yesterday.  My bad.  Can you tell my focus and excitement are faltering a bit?  Ya.  I need a bit of a re-set.  It's coming.  We're off on holidays tomorrow … so I'm a *bit* in the "holiday mode" regarding relaxation and increased calorie counts the last few days.  Had a bit out for lunch Wednesday … and dinner out last night with my BFF.  Was a *little* hard on myself for eating too much.  Knew I was doing it but just didn't stop.  Argh!  Why can't I just step away from the plate???  It's not like it's my last meal out EVER.  I CAN take some home.  Dunno.  I guess I just enjoy it so much at the time I can't get enough.  I'll work on it.  Promise … but not today *lol*.

I'm going to be totally "off the grid" for a week so you won't see any post from me.  When we get back Craig will still be off for another week .. then 1.5 weeks later the girls are back at school.  Yay!  LOVE getting back into a routine even if it DOES mean having to put pants on by 7:30 am and pack lunches.  I'm actually super excited to get back on track Sept 1 - back to healthy living … and exercise!  I'm ready to take that little plunge again.  Nothing too crazy but this SPring I worked out every days for 3-4 months.  I just can't seem to do that with the kids home so bring on September, I say!

So holidays … I'm not going to set myself any restrictions.  I'm just going to TRY to be conscious of the calories a *bit* but I'm not going to NOT have a cooler because it's high sugar.  I'm GOING to have a amore or two and ya, I'll most likely check out a few chip / chocolate treats that we can't get here in Canada.  I'll TRY not to snack too much and, feet permitting, I'll try to move my body more than too and from the beach chair … but no promises *lol*

I'm going to do my best, relax and just enjoy.  Just for this week :)

Thanks for popping in - TTY in a week xox


Tam

Eat that Frog!

Hey Girlfriend!

MAN I'm in a great mood today!  It's a great-mood-hangover from yesterday!  SUCH a great day I had!

After a LOVELY start to the day having coffee and a LIVE chat I ran a few errands before returning to "the slug people" as I like to call the girls.  I was thrilled that they were up before the crack of noon … and were even DRESSED! *lol*  I had hoped they had eaten something relatively healthy (or NORMAL!) for brunch alas their grand creation was chips and salsa!  LMAO.  Kids!  Well - I guess it's better than chocolate chips!  hee hee.

After I had a bite to eat (zucchini omelette!) I checked my phone messages and found I had a message.  Rewind … background story …

Last month when I was toying with starting this blog …and my journey to a better me in 50 weeks … I knew I wanted to push my limits.  Grow.  Learn.  Leave my comfort zone.  I'd been "comfortable" for too long and I felt like the gerbil on the wheel.  Going nowhere, bored, lacking purpose …

Part of this journey is to leave the comfort zone … so that's what I decided to do.

I wanted to push my stamping business in a bit of a different direction.  I still want to do clubs and classes but I also want to share what I love with others.  I wanted to meet new people and reach new customers but without doing the traditional home parties.  I wanted more from my business but, up until now, haven't been willing to do what needs to be done to grow it.

I saw a message on the Stampin' Up! website for their Business Development Program.  They were accepting applicants.  I've been in the program before - about 5 years ago and decided to apply for another round.  Essentially SU assigns you a coach.  They call you every two weeks and help you achieve what you want to achieve.  I knew I needed the program.  I've had LOTS of grey ideas to grow my business but I just haven't ACTED on them.  I need to push myself and I need to be accountable to do the things I say I want to do.  I applied.  I was accepted.   I had my first call last week.  One of the goals I wanted to achieve was to get into some Senior Care Facilities and help the residents get their pictures into albums.  Project Life.  I don't want to do so in order to make a million dollars or get new customers per se … I just want to volunteer and help people document their lives.  As my parents age I realize how important that is.  Seems everyone has a shoebox of pictures with no names, dates or information on the back.  What happens to these pictures when the owner pass away???  I hate the thought of finding a box like this in my parents' basement one day.

My coach set the goal for me to "get 'er done".  Ugh.  I DREADED making the cold call.  I was SO busy!  *insert eye roll and sarcasm here*.  That's the problem - I've been "SO busy" for about 8 months now … and I haven't done what I want to do!  WTF was the big deal???  Since we are heading on holiday Saturday I needed to make that call SOON … and then it happened.  I had about 15 things on my to-do list.  THAT'S when I work best  No time to think - just DO!  I googled the Senior Facility and dialled the number, not even knowing what I was going to say.  I was all hyped up.  It rang .. and rang .. and rang.  I got the answering machine.  Sigh.  I hung up.  Didn't leave a message.

Chicken shit.

I tried half an hour later.  Machine again.  Sigh again.  This time I LEFT a message.  Yay me!  Not gunna lie  - I was kinda glad when no one called me back.  Oh well!  Did what I said I was gunna do!  Coach can't say I didn't try! *lol*

So!  Back to our story … so I come home yesterday and there's a message on my phone.  They had called me back.  Ok.  I can do this.  Picked up the phone and dialled … and got through to who I needed to talk to.

This is where I need to give myself a serious slap.  WTF was holding me back???  I had a LOVELY conversation with a LOVELY young lady who was new to the job.  She LOVED my idea and was HAPPY to meet with me to show her what I had in mind and go through the fine details!

I ATE THAT BIG UGLY FROG AND IT TASTED GREAT!  (Craig was confused by my "I ate a frog today" text … so in case you, too, don't *get* it …" How do you eat a frog?  One bite at a time … "and it's best to eat the biggest, ugliest frog on our plate first thing in the morning so it's done, out of your way and your biggest obstacle is over with - the rest of the day ROCKS!)

Once I hung up I was seriously on top of the world!  I was excited, energized, proud, happy, full of ideas … WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG??  Why was I fearing rejection so much?  What was the WROST that could have happened?  They may have said "no thanks".  And??  Life would not have ended!  What would happen if they said "yes, please"?  Well … now I know!

So I ate the frog, I moved myself forward and it feels fanTASTIC!  Did I drink my 1.5 litres of water yesterday?  Nope.  Was yesterday a success?  Yup.  It's not all about food and exercise.  It's about being a better me.  I'm a better me this morning than I was yesterday morning.  Will I try to move forward a little more today than yesterday?  Yup.  Maybe I'll get that water in yet :)

Love you Girlfriend.  Have a FAB day!


Tam

Happy Update

Hey Girlfriend!

NOt much to say these days, really - my posts are starting to bore me *lol*.  Maybe I should switch to posting "Just for This Week" … dunno.  I suppose I'll just see what I need as I need it.

Gotta admit - not feeling the same determination I did 2.5 weeks ago.  Typical Tamara.  Start out of the gate full speed then quickly taper off.  Don't worry though - I'm still gunna limp along.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?  Speaking of limping - happy update on my foot situation.  Today it seriously feels 95% better!  I went for another chiro appointment yesterday.  Yup - hurt like a sunuvabitch as he dug his thumb into the tender part of my heel.  GEEZ!  Damned near went through the roof …. but it's necessary.  Gott break up the "gristle"-like something-or-other that's going on down there.  He said it was already smaller from Friday, which is great news.  Still can't walk without shoes (and likely never will walk barefoot in the house again) but I'm not even limping this morning!!  Heaven for my HIPS!  I'm going again Thursday, before I go on holidays.  Fingers crossed it just keeps getting better and better!

Now … back to this healthy living gig.  Ya - just can't seem to make it to the end of the day hitting my goals.  Water is down (again), didn't track my foot/calories and yup - caved and had my ice cream.  Not letting it get me down - just don't know why I'm not doing it.  I suppose, being the "all-ornothing" gal I am I fall down on tracking when I don't know exactly what to track.  Yesterday I tracked until dinner … but then had my roasted vegetables.  didn't know how much of what veg I had (it's all mixed together) and didn't know how much oil was in the batch … so I didn't track it.  So it's not like I'm binging on a bag of Doritos but I feel more successful when I KNOW how I've done - when it's measurable.  Ya, had the ice cream but again, calorie-wise for the day I'm pretty rue I was still in the 1,300 range.

I guess it's a good thing if I can just coast along for a while - not losing, not gaining.  I suppose this is how "normal" people do it.  Overall that's where I want to be and how I want to be able to live - mainly healthy - everything in moderation.  Just seems a little early to be doing THAT *lol*.  I still DO want to shift a little weight, as my jeans feel snug this morning (but I'm sure Aunt Flo has something to do with that).  Not going to dwell on it at this point.  I haven't been able to be as active as I would have liked due to my feet so hopefully once that gets sorted, and holidays are over, I'll be a little more focused.

So … nothing really profound today - just general update rambling and to let you know not every day is a full success … or sunshine and roses … but I'm still doing my best and being kind to myself.

Just for Today I choose to …

• Eat Clean (so I can track it accurately)
• Track what I eat
• Drink at least 1.5 litres of water (see if we can get THAT much in!)

That's all.  SUrely I can do THAT … even if it's just for today!

Have a great day Girlfriend - love you!

Tam

A Good Save

Hey Girlfriend,

Sorry I didn't post yesterday … kinda forgot after posting twice Saturday!

As always the weekend was a bit of a challenge for me eating wise.  More relaxed than during the week as I don't log my food (on My Fitness Pal).  I just find it "too much" on weekends.  During the week I find it quite easy to eat "clean".  I cook plain food with little or no sauces to complicate the calorie / recipe logging process.  Weekends aren't so smooth.  Craig usually does the cooking on weekends (lucky me!) and he uses a lot of marinades and sauces (likely why the kids like his cooking better than mine!).  So weekends I slide a bit … and that's just fine with me.  My goal is to eat like a reasonable human being 5 days a week and then I can enjoy a little more on weekends.  Gotta admit, though, last week I enjoyed during the week too.  A small bowl of ice cream most nights seemed to be the norm.  Ok, it's summer … but that's gotta stop.  The goal isn't necessarily to lose weight but at bare minimum it's not to GAIN weight!

I had a good save yesterday which was the slight slap I needed.

I had a HUGE bunch of 2 eggs, 1/2 c of egg whites and lots of my roasted vegetables from the other night (still LOTS left!!) in an omelette.  VERY satisfying and VERY filling.  About 1.5 hours later the girls came down and made some Ichiban Noodle soup.  I have a love/hate relationship with that stuff.  I absolutely LOVE it but recognize that it is total crap and nutritionally void in everyday.  Carbs, fat and SALT.  It really is nothing more than a gut filler.  Might as well eat rocks for all the nutritional value you get from it.  Nonetheless I buy it as yes, the kids love it.  Rebecca ate about half of hers and announced she was full.  As always, she asked "Mom - do you want it?"  I looked at - thought about it for a second and said "ya, OK".  Craig - who RARELY says ANYthing about what I do or don't eat, or about how much I eat, says "you don't need that garbage.  It's total crap".

I looked at it - realized not only was he absolutely right but that I wasn't even hungry.  Once again I was about to mindlessly put food in my mouth because a) it tastes good and b) I hate wasting food (although really this stuff shouldn't even be classified AS food!).  I said "You're right.  No thanks - throw it down the drain" … and she did.  I later thanked Craig for the "save" and for making me aware.  Other woman may have been offended … and if I hd been in a different mood I may have been too but wasn't.  His comment came from a place of love … and maybe some frustration.  Maybe he's tired of hearing me put myself down, complaining about my weight but then continuing to put garbage in my mouth!  He certainly isn't the poster by for healthy eating himself but I know he wasn't judging or being critical - he was just giving me the gentle reminder (slap?) I needed …. and I was grateful.

Back on track today.  We are on vacation Saturday so this is when I traditionally start the "Meh - holiday in a week so I'll be eating badly then - why not start now" mentality.  Not this time.  I still have 5 days to enjoy healthy food and my fridge is full of it!  It helps that I don't like throwing away food so …

Just for today I choose to …

• log everything that goes in my mouth
• NOT have ice cream
• eat between 1,200 - 1,300 calories
• drink 2.5 litres of water

That's all I can commit to for now - anything more is a bonus but I have a SUPER busy day today so want to keep it manageable.  I'd love to do my pilates video as well so that will be in the background … won't commit to it but just may squeeze it in before my chiro appointment for my foot (it's SO much better since my first one I can't wait to go again!)

So that's it for now (yes, it's 3:03 am …. couldn't sleep … perhaps I can get a few hours in before the kids wake up!)

TTYT.  Love you Girlfriend!

Tam

Not Gunna Do It!

Hey Girlfriend!

Happy Weekend :)

In a great mood today - had a fun night last night stamping with some friends.  It was so nice to catch up with them, have a glass of wine (yup, had one) and a giggle.  Got caught up in my back log of Coronation Street shows (think I've missed maybe 5 episodes in the last 16 years - total addict!) so got to sleep later than I should have … but feeling really content and grateful the morning.  Just sitting here smiling to myself.

Got up, grabbed my ever-so-sensible-and-butt-ugly-Mom-running shoes and hobbled to the bathroom (my feet are much better but I still can't walk sans shoes yet).  Checked out my curvy bod in the mirror and thought - hmmmmm - ya, think I may have lost a few pounds in the last two weeks.  If my scaled were in that bathroom you better believe I would have stepped on it.  Lucky for me it's not.  It's in the downstairs bathroom.  It's there for a reason.  If you haven't noticed I'm *slightly OCD* in, oh, just about every regard.  I don't use that term jokingly or haphazardly, I truly am an obsessive/addictive personality.  Not so much compulsive but definitely over-the-top and fairly obsessive.  When I would diet I wouldn't just weigh myself every week - not even every day - not even twice a day … it would very often be three times a day.  Seriously.  Three.  Obsessive much? *lol*  My day was good or bad, depending on what that little number said.  Didn't matter if I had three tablespoons of salt with my dinner and was holding 7 pounds of water.  Didn't matter ifI had my period.  Didn't matter if I had only eaten lettuce for three days - if that scale was up I was a failure, had gained fat and my day was ruined.

So.

Messed.

Up.

I'm happy to say I have well and truly broken up with my scale.  I hadn't weighed myself for months until about February when I started working with a nutritionist.  I didn't WANT to weigh myself but it was one of the only ways to measure improvement, so I did it … just once a week.

I broke up with my nutritionist and since then have only weighed myself twice, I think.

I was tempted to this morning.

Nah.

What would that achieve?  It would go one of two ways.

The scale would be the same as it was 2-3 weeks ago, or worse, it would my higher.  I would then proceed to eat my way through the fridge thinking "what the fuck is the point?  All that focused time and energy and I'm not further ahead".  Then, tomorrow, I would wake up, likely weigh myself again .. the scale WOULD be up this time due to all the salt intake from the day before and the cycle would continue for about 2 weeks, at which point I would TRULY be up 5 pounds (I don't just comfort eat 1 twinkie I comfort eat 12 boxes … again … *slightly* compulsive!), my clothes wouldn't fit and … well … you get the idea.

The other result would be that the scale would be a bit lower.  Fantastic!  Yay me!  The system works!  I'm going to celebrate with an English Muffin and jam … oh hell, I've worked hard … I'll have two … ohhhhh, Craig's jam is so good - what's one more?  … and I would celebrate-eat my way through the day … and then I would remember just how good all those treats taste and, well, one more day "off" won't hurt … then "oh look, it's holiday - can't be "good" on vacation" …. and two weeks from now I'll be up 5 pounds, my clothes wouldn't fit and … well … you get the idea.

I know me.  I'm a it of a hot mess when it comes to this healthy living / balance / anything in moderation gig.

Weighing myself will do nothing but add 5 pounds to my butt.  So I'm not gunna do it.  Not gunna!  Once again - IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!

Back in the first week of posts I said I'm finally HEARING my friends when they say they love me the way I am, it's not my size that matters etc etc etc.  I forgot, though, to write about the number one thing that was said to me that started this journey some time last year.  I heard it … I'd heard it a hundred times but it never registered … this time it did … it came through as a whisper but was loud enough to crack through the wall of my insecurities.  It's what started it all.  It was Craig.  My husband.  For the hundredth time he looked at me and said (this time a little more firmly and frustrated / angrily)

Who are you trying to impress?  I love you!  You're GORGEOUS!  Why don't you believe me?  I don't give a SHIT what size you are.  Just live your live and be happy!

… or something along those lines.  And I heard him.

And I continue to hear him.

How much fun is it to be around someone who is always putting themselves down.  Rebecca does it all the time and it makes me so angry.  I have friends who do it and it makes me so sad.  Why can't they see what I see??  So I took a long hard look at myself - literally - bra and underwear only - over and over and over (I needed to send pictures to my nutritionist every week so for months I did so … and really LOOKED at the pictures) and slowly, I started to think that I wasn't "that bad".  I then started looking at other women and seeing that no, not everyone out there is thinner than me.  I started looking at the Additionelle models in the ads landing in my in box every week … really looking at the models.  I didn't think THEY were fat or unattractive .. and they were larger and/or curvier than I was …. and slowly I've come to a place where I don't hate my thighs.  I don't hate my fat.  I don't hate the way I look.  And I'm happy.  I've stopped competing with my younger, thinner self.  I'm not that girl anymore.  I don;t WANNA be that girl any more (she was dumb as shit *lol*).  And I'm happy.

Am I gunna weigh myself?  Nope.  Not gunna do it.

Just.

Doesn't.

Matter.

Love you girlfriend.  TTYT


Tam

Less Pressure = More Success

Hey Girlfriend,

Me again.

So it's 3:00 pm.  This morning (at 10:00 am) I didn't feel like talking - too much to do.

So I DID walk the dog … slowly and carefully.  The feet got a little tired at the end but still better than it has been.  Had some brunch (spaghettis squash and ground turkey left over from the other night), showered then ….. then what?  Exactly what was it I *needed* to do today?

I have a stamping class tonight .. but didn't feel like setting up yet so I figured I'd put together a veg tray.  My fridge is overflowing with yummy veg and it occurred to me I only have 1 week to eat it all before we go away.  I have a great snack now ready for tonight.

Once I got into cleaning the veg I realized just how much I still had and, as I was munching on carrots and sugar snap peas as I prepped them, how yummy veg is.  What was it I need to do today?  I really couldn't come up with anything pressing.  I just THOUGHT I had a lot to do.  Really, at the end of the day, nothing (except setting up for tonight) HAD to be done … so I decided to go through the fridge, grab all the veg I had and prep it for dinner.

Yellow zucchini, orange pepper, garden beets, market potatoes, broccoli, purple cabbage.  Everyone into the pool!  I ended up with two HUGE ziploc bags.  Drizzled each with some avocado oil, some Sweet Basil (Pampered Chef) seasoning, coarse sea salt and slammed those bad boys into the oven to roast.  I also trimmed some garden yellow beans Craig grew me.  Can't wait for dinner!!

Craig had a big lunch (and his system doesn't handle vegetables very well!) so he won't be partaking in all the yumminess that will be dinner.  The kids are having leftover spaghetti so this is alllllll for me!  *lol*  I obviously won't eat it all (or my colon might explode!) but I am set up for healthy eating for the next few days!  If I get sick of it the leftovers will make amazing vegetable soup.  THAT the girls will eat - they love my vegetable soup!

Soooooo - today I seem to have learned that SOMETIMES, if I take the pressure off myself to get things done … or to eat "x" today … I exceed my own expectations and do things because I WANT to … not because I feel I have to.

Again … I'm a complicated woman *lol*

Hope you're having a fun day!  TTYT


Tam

Short and Sweet

Hey Girlfriend,

Getting a super late start today.  Didn't get up until 9:30 am!!  Not as great as it sounds - didn't get to sleep until after midnight and my sleeping partner was snoring and kept from sleeping most of the night so ….

Quick update - my foot feels MUCH better after going to the chiropractor yesterday!  I was a little cranky that it was much WORSE last night … and I was stuck in bed, unable to walk, all evening but this morning it feels much much better so fingers crossed I'm on the mend!

Got lots going on today so just gunna say …

Just for Today I choose to ..

• do my best and stay positive

Need a bit of a mental break from the planning and logging and blogging so going to keep it short and simple.

Friends are coming over to stamp tonight so I might indulge in a glass of wine.  We'll see.  No pressure, just good choices with moderation.  Lots of veg today (as I realize we are leaving on holidays in a week and my fridge is full of healthy yumminess that I refuse to throw away.  I see vegetable soup in our future!

So I'm off - think I'll attempt a much shorter than usual walk with Koda - don't want to undo the good of yesterday!

Love you Girlfriend - we'll talk more soon xoxo

Tam

I'm on the right track!

Hey Girlfriend!

Ya.  So yesterday was … shall we say … not quite the success I expected it to be.  I suppose, looking back, I should have realized my mood and my motivation level when I set my goals.  Heck, even the title "Whole Lotta Nuthin" could have been a clue lol!

Let's review what I had planned "Just for Yesterday" ...

• keep drinking that water.  2.5 litres minimum (it does seem to help my feet to lee the fascia hydrated!)
• eat a banana (potassium helps my body absorb the water)
• Prep the fruit and veg I bought yesterday
• resist that pie one more day - it will be gone by tomorrow!
• research a heathy stew dish for dinner (using my fancy new "Instant Pot"
• do the Butt and Thigh pilates DVD again AND the Abs DVD

I think that's enough for today.  gotta make sure the goals are achievable!

Hmmm.

Water - think I managed 1.5 litres
Banana - blech.  Didn't happen
Prep fruit and veg.  Oh YAY!  I prepped the fruit … Boo - not the veg
Resist the pie.  Ya - well … umm …. lol.  In my defense it was just a TEENY piece! (probably because I was full from the little bowl of ice cream with chocolate chips and maple syrup on top …. !!!!)
Research stew for dinner.  YAY!  Did that!  … then made perigees for dinner (bahahahaha!  I'm cracking myself up with my "epic fails"!)
do TWO workout DVD's.  Well … I walked BY them, does that count??

So!  Did I go to bed feeling I had moved closer towards my goals?  Actually I did!  No, the day didn't play out the way I had expected it to.  But my goals aren't "achieve 100% of what you set out to do every day or the next 365 days thereby losing 50 pounds and being happy".  My goals are to stretch myself MOST days to take myself out of my comfort zone, try new things, live a PRIMARILY healthy lifestyle (like 80% of the time), loving the body and the life I have, appreciating the people in my life and being grateful.  Achieving THESE goals will make me happy.

So no, didn't hit the mark yesterday "officially" but so what.  Did I dwell?  Did I beat myself up?  Do I plan to eat my way through the pantry to make myself feel better (???!!!!).  No.  I recognized something was going on with me yesterday.  Maybe just fatigue (not sleeping well this week), maybe my body just craved salt … or fat … or pie crust (lol).  Maybe it's hormones.  Maybe it was just some comfort eating as I was grumpy as all fuck having to wear socks and runners all day.  Maybe I just didn't want to have an "rules".  Maybe (and I think it's this one most) I was just bored.  I didn't really want to organize the bonus room or do the other 3 or 4 things I "should" do.  My mind seems to go to the logic of "oh, I'll do that after I eat lunch" so I eat lunch … for, like, 3 hours lol.  Seriously.  I'm a complicated woman!

So …. lets put those big girl panties on snug and tight, stick the boobs out and start fresh again today!

Now … just another bit of a ramble, as I came across another great inspirational clip from the Facebook Page "The Law of Attraction".  (I WISH I could find a way to insert the videos here but it won't let me share them from FB to Blogger and there isn't a ULR link …)

Uncle Google says ….

The law of attraction is the name given to the maxim "like attracts like" which in New Thought philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life.

I love this … and I believe it.  I also believe it is starting to happen to me, and the universe is showing me that I'm on the right track.  I've had a few signs.  One has to do with numbers.  I've always felt numbers and number sequence/re-occurence may be a sign of something.  A few weeks ago I posted that I had driven to 3 difference dentist appointments in one day and my kilometres driven were 177.7 km.

A friend of mine sent me a message with an excerpts from a book by Doreen Virtue on "angel numbers".  According to Doreen …

"The angels applaud you, congratulations, you're on a roll!  Keep up the good work and know your wish is coming true.  This is an extremely positive sign and means you should also expect more miracles to come."

Well!  Who doesn't like to hear THAT???

Other positive signs … I was accepted into the Business Development Program with Stampin' Up!  I have been assigned a business coach who will work with me for the next 6 months to help me achieve my business goals.  Yay!

Another strong sign is that I have recently acquired two new recruits in my business.  I have never met either lady - they came to me via Pinterest … and then my blog.  This is a HUGE sign for me.  I've been blogging and Pinning for years but nothing tangible has come from it …until now … and I couldn't be happier!

So yes - I stumbled a little yesterday.  All good.  In the grand scheme of 365 one little blip won't matter a hill of beans.  It's the REACTION to the blip that matters.  I'm not going to spend another moment thinking about it.  It's done.  Over.  Irrelevant.  I will learn from it.  I will recognize and acknowledge my moods and work WITH them.

Today I'm feeling a little more "normal".  I also have a very busy afternoon.  That's good.  I have a solid plan in place.  Today, I think, I need very specific goals, and limited.  So ….

Just for Today I Choose to …

• drink 2.5 litres of water (yes, I have to write this one down or it seems to be the first thing to fly off my radar!)
• have a protein shake for breakfast
• have my chickpea salad for lunch
• have salad and grilled chicken breast for dinner
• if I am HUNGRY I will have a snack of cottage cheese
• if I am MUNCHY I will have an apple
• if I find myself standing in front of the fridge or pantry trolling for food I will STOP and make a cup of tea (this is my favourite "trick" lately.  Tea.  It takes time to make and drink and often I'm just bored so the 10 minute tea break is enough to distract me from food, give me the break I seem to want/need and then I'm more motivated to get on with whatever I'm avoiding!

That's all.  Specific, measurable goals.  I'm taking the Littles bowling today while I go to the chiropractor … then home for dinner THEN … ready for this?  I'm going to YOGA with my buddy Wanda.  Hee hee.  Talk about going outside my comfort zone!  Tried yoga a few times.  It was ok … but I really was like a chicken trying to put on pants.  NOT very graceful I must say lol.  But I'm going … and will have a good giggle with a good friend … and it will keep me moving forward.

Yay me!

OK - once again my morning ramble has be behind so off I go to nail the day :)

Thanks for listing.  Love you Girlfriend!

Tam

Whole Lotta Nuthin

Hey Girlfriend!

Hmmmmm - been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to thin of something to say.  I got nuthin!  Now THAT'S a first! *lol*.  Figured I'd just start typing and see what happens so don't expect anything TOO deep today!

Yesterday was a RAGING success in my books!  I got the 2.5 litres down (would have been more but had to sit it down early so my bladder could make it through the night!).  I was really happy with the 2.5 litres given that I was out most of the day running errands and getting groceries so making sure I stuck to my goal was key to my success (that and knowing where the nearest public washroom was at all times!)

Nailed the eating too.  I stuck to my goals - no leftovers, no pie and lots of veg.  I had a late breakfast of eggs then grabbed a banana (belch) and a protein bar for the road.  I was thrilled that I really wasn't hungry until about 4:00, when I got home.  Wanted a snack.  Had 3 little market cucumbers.  D-LISH!!

I made traditional spaghetti - with ground beef sauce.  I seem to have a spaghetti squash addiction this week so I cooked myself one of those to have instead of noodles.  Although I drained the ground beef, the high-quality sauce I use does have quite a bit of oil in it and I decided I wanted something lighter.  Grabbed a pack of the ground turkey I had just bought and fried that up, adding a touch of oil so it didn't burn.

Fried up an orange pepper and some red onion, added some Sweet Basil spice (Pampered Chef) and it was totally delicious.  JUST what I was craving and SO healthy!  … not to mention how MUCH I got to eat (I AM a quantity kinda gal!)

I gave Alicia (my 10 year old) a bite (she's my "try-inator") and got the raised eyebrows which in tween language means "Hmmmm - doesn't suck!"  I doubt she would eat mrs than a few bites but it's a start!

It was a non-stop day and my feet where absolutely throbbing with pain.  I headed upstairs to do a bit of paperwork and realized I hadn't done my pilates video.  Down I went, at 8:00 pm, and crushed it!  It actually felt GREAT (painful, but great!)  This foot business has me limping and walking in whatever way I can to get from point A to point B and, in the process, it's throwing out my knee, back, shoulder and HIPS.  They are SO tight!  So to get on the floor and stretch those muscles in a healthy way not only felt good physically it boosted m mood mentally.  Look at ME taking care of my body!  *insert pat on the back here*

I made a chiro appointment for tomorrow … and a massage appointment for Aug 24th (soonest I can get in!!)  The receptionist seems to thing my chiropractor can help with my feet.  Not sure how, as it's muscle / fascia related but I'll give it a shot at this point!

So that was my yesterday.  Today … hmmm … not much going on today.  The girls' friends are coming over this afternoon; have some work to do and bills to pay …. what can I commit to that keeps me moving forward today??

Well … Just for Today I Choose to …

• keep drinking that water.  2.5 litres minimum (it does seem to help my feet to lee the fascia hydrated!)
• eat a banana (potassium helps my body absorb the water)
• Prep the fruit and veg I bought yesterday
• resist that pie one more day - it will be gone by tomorrow!
• research a heathy stew dish for dinner (using my fancy new "Instant Pot"
• do the Butt and Thigh pilates DVD again AND the Abs DVD

I think that's enough for today.  gotta make sure the goals are achievable!

So ya - nothing to deep or earth shattering today - just random rambling that helps me keep my focus on moving forward and setting the day up for success.  Thanks for listening.  Let's do it again tomorrow :)

Love you Girlfriend xo

Tam

Tuesday is the New Monday

Hey Girlfriend!

Again, the plan is to have a quick post …. but you probably know me a little better than that by now, right?  *lol*

So … after a long weekend it's Tuesday … the new Monday,

Better believe I'm "resetting" and starting with that clean slate again today.

I ALWAYS struggle with my eating on the weekends and this weekend, although better than usual, was far from "perfect".  Then again … I'm not striving for perfect, am I?  I don't know what it is but whenever Craig is around I tend to nibble more.  Maybe it's because when he's around there isn't my usual routine.  Maybe him being here signals it's relaxation time - and that translates into enjoyment - which translates into food.  Maybe it's because when he's home he tends to cook dinner … and does a lot of the chores.  That means more time on my hands.  Time = boredom - eating.

Whatever the reason I eat more and I know it.  I was FAIRLY successful in keeping rings in control and CHOOSING what I ate.  As I mentioned before, we went out for dinner Saturday.  That's ok - my calories for the DAY were still under 2,000.  We went to the movies Sunday.  That's ok - I planned ahead, took my popcorn and had a coffee instead of the usual (yummy) garbage.  Yesterday I TRIED SO HARD to stay out of the pantry.  Truly I did.  I had the munchies.  I RECOGNIZED I had the munchies.  I even grabbed the prepared container of cauliflower and some dip.  Had 4 pieces.  Wanted to gag and grabbed a handful of crunchy, salty tostitos.  *lol*.  Not a big deal.  Just a handful, not a bowl full!

Dinner I totally overate … and it wasn't low calories by ANY means!  Craig made some delicious, full of maple syrup and honey, pork ribs … with noodles … and corn … and blueberry pie.  Oh.  Em.  Gee.

I started with 3 ribs and a small bit of needles and corn … but I ended up having 2 (or was it 3?) more ribs … and Rebecca's leftover noodles … and a (small) piece of pie … with a (small) bit of whipped cream.

It's ok - although I TOTALLY overate (I was SOOOOO full), I didn't fret over it - and I won't.  I ate it - I absolutely enjoyed every lick - it's over.

Let's look at the big picture.  One day of, say 2,500 calories, is NOT going to have me gain weight.  I have consistently dated 1,200 - 1,400 calories a day for the last 10 days.  IF I were to get on the scale (which I'm NOT gunna do!) I would be up in weight, Im quite sure.  Did I gain weight?  Yes.  Did I gain fat?  No.  I gained water.  The sauce was full of soya sauce and my water intake was probably only about 1.5 litres yesterday.  Retaining?  Yes.  I can barely move my wedding ring.

Oh … and "Aunt Flo" is due any minute.  That explains my carb cravings (happens EVERY month!) and further retaining.

I went to bed wondering how I would react to my day of overeating.  I'm pretty sure I've got this, but I'm to gunna lie - I was a little scared.  I know myself.  The "old" me would likely have thrown in the towel.  "Well - I'm going on holiday in 2 weeks, so I'll just enjoy my food until then and start again when I get back".  Then I would eat my way through the pantry and, 3 weeks from how, would have yet another 5 pounds to lose.

Not this time.  SO much can be gained in just 7 days of healthy eating. I've proven that to myself over and over again.  Yesterday is done.  Today we start new.  SO …

Just For Today I Choose to …

• DRINK THE DAMNED WATER!!!!
• NOT eat the yummy, high calorie leftovers in the fridge
• NOT eat a piece of pie (this one IS Just for Today … no promises for tomorrow so I hope the kids eat it all today!)
• Stick to 1,200 calories
• DRINK MORE DAMNED WATER!!!!
• do my pilates DVD.

Bit of a big order for today given that I have to hit Sobeys AND Costco … AND have a business phone call, send a business email and place a business order … but I can do it.  Just gotta choose TO do it, right?

I've got 1 hour before my business call.  Better go have my protein shake and hit the shower so I can start the day off on the right (albeit painful) foot *lol*

Thanks for the chat, Girlfriend.  Yu've help me talk myself up into a better frame of mind than I was before "talking".  Pumped and ready to succeed :)

Love you!  TTY tomorrow :)

Tam

Back to Basics

Hey Girlfriend!

Happy long weekend!

Today I'm grumpy.  Big old whiny pants over here and feeling sorry for myself.  My feet are fucking KILLING me!!!!  Geeeeeeezzz!  I don't know exactly what happened yesterday to result in this kind of nonsense today but suffice it to say I am NOT a happy bunny!  The only thing I can think of was my water intake.  There was very little of that yesterday, after a solid 10 days of drinking 2.5 litres everyday.  It somehow fell off my radar what with going to the movies right after walking Koda and all.  I had a coffee in the morning, coffee at the theatre (along with the Boom Chicka Pop 140 calories of popcorn I brought with me - yay me!) and MAYBE a litre of water all day.  Obviously not good enough 'cause today my feet are flipping me the middle toe!  Today I'm going to see if my chiro/massage office is open to at least MAKE an appointment … then I'll limp off to the store to buy some tape to try to get some relief.  Aside fem the feet themselves everything else is getting messed up - my sciatic is killing me, my left knee feels twisted and my hips ache.  Obviously all this limping is affecting everything so I have to get over myself and get professional help.  YOu KNOW how much I love being told what to do.  Grrrrrrrr.

OK - enough self pity.  Time to change the attitude.  I'm lucky to have such a minor problem.  As I was gingerly walking down the movie theatre stairs yesterday I had a glimpse of what it must feel like to have a permanent disability/mobility issue and was grateful.  This can be fixed.  Others aren't so lucky.  So Big Girl Panties will be well and truly in place today as I suck it up and deal with it like an adult.  Get the help I need.

Now!  Back to yesterday.  I was SO proud of myself at the movies!  I went knowing I might get hungry, since we left at 11:30 am and all I had to eat so far was my yoghurt, berries and hemp hearts.  I had planned ahead and brought my own, healthy, popcorn and water but sure enough, as we approached the theatre I knew I was hungry … and 4 cups of popcorn wasn't gunna cut it.  I wanted a coffee for my "treat" (rather than candy or theatre popcorn) so Craig went through the McDonald's drive thu.  HE was hungry too … and ordered a burger.  **insert whimper here**.  I stayed the course … and as I reached into my purse for a few kernels of popcorn I spied a PROTEIN BAR!  Ska-wheel! I was so excited *lol*.  Never been that happy to see THAT kind of food before!

As Becca and Craig munched on their theatre popcorn and sugary drinks I VERY happily nibbled my bar and drank my coffee.  I THOROUGHLY enjoyed my healthy popcorn and was just SO proud of myself for the "win" of the day.

Dinner was ANOTHER "win".  Craig and Becca had grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.  I truly WANTED spaghetti squash (weird, right??).  I kept looking for something else to have, as the squash would take about 20 minutes to cook.  Heaven forBID, right??  Instant gratification.  I'm all over THAT! … or at least I was in the past.  I repeated to myself (for the millionth time this week) "it's OK to be hungry!".  I took out that squash and my fancy new pressure cooker and half an hour later I had the BEST dinner - spaghetti squash (cooked and then fried in garlic and a little butter) with 2 eggs and half a cup of egg whites, salt and pepper.  It was SOOOOO good … yes, I think I'll have it again fro breakfast.  Seriously yummy!

Naturally by 8:30 pm I was hungry again.  No problem!  I've got this!  Two rice cakes (stale as all hell but oh well!) with 2 Tbsp of peanut butter.  Freaking delicious.  My total calories for the day came in at 1,277.  Remember the goal was 1,300.  NAILED it!

TOTALLY successful day - except for the water.  So … let's get back to basics ….

Just For Today I Choose to …

• drink 2.5 litres of water
• work on stretching / massaging my feet and legs

Nothing too grandiose.  Small, achievable goals today.  It doesn't feel like I'm stretching myself as much as I probably should but my body, and mind, are tired today.  So Just For Today I'm going to respect that and take a step back.  You don't have to achieve miles in the marathon everyday - just have to make sure you are still moving forward … or at very least not sliding backwards.  It's ok to maintain … even if it's Just For Today.

Have a great day - love you Grilfriend!

Tam

P.S. - Here are some of my meals lately …
My spaghetti squash / eggs …

Corn, sugar snap peas, tomato salad ...

 Chicken and vegetable rice wraps with peppers ...

Cucumber, onions, radishes and cottage cheese ...

It's easier that I thought to eat clean!  Just gotta get away from the "fast and easy"mentality.  It's OK to have vegetables as a snack!